Wednesday, 3 September 1997

 

BOX OFFICE B.O.
The box office story was so weak this weekend that making jokes would seem cruel. Why kick a conquered Kull? Why tease Alicia about being excess baggage? Why rip Charlie Sheen (even the studio dropped Sheen to the background and put money man Chris Tucker front and center in the new ads) when Money Talks is doing so well? Why? Cause it's my job! (Mom's so proud!)

SALMA IS SEX!
Salma Hayek's joining Mike Myers and Neve Campbell in 54, the Miramax offering about the '70s disco House O' Fun, Studio 54. In yet another insightful bit of Hollywood casting, Hayek plays the Hispanic servant girl (in this case, a hat check girl) while the other Anglo stars play the power roles of club owner and soap starlet. The more things change... On the other hand, just the thought of Ms. Hayek panty-free and wired at 5 a.m. is giving me a testosterone rush that makes me want to chew glass.

CAN YOU SEE THE LOVE TONIGHT?
Speaking of hormonal overload, E! is selling the story that last weekend's Men In Black newspaper ads featured an Appendage In Shadow that would make grandma blush. Quick, somebody send a Bacardi ad and a magnifying glass over to E! I'm sure they painted an orgy into the ice! You know, kids, sometimes a neuralyzer is just a neuralyzer.