Friday, 2 January 1998

THE 10 MOVIES I DIDN'T GET IN 1997
These are the successful films that I just couldn't find a reason to love. I tried. I swear. But no luck. Listed in reverse order of financial success.

10. Parker Posey movies: She was the toast of Sundance with The House of Yes, Clockwatchers and SubUrbia. None of them sold tickets. She's cute. She can act. But I can take her or leave her and apparently, so can you.

9. The Ice Storm: I could see how well-crafted this portrait of the sexual revolution in suburbia was, but I didn't really care. Maybe too many of these characters were direct reflections of my school friends' divorced parents.

8. Chasing Amy: Blonde hair, nice tush, squeaky voice and a lesbian to boot. Cool. I didn't buy it for a minute. I think maybe everyone in the movie was a little too nice for me to care about.

7. Mimic: Guillermo del Toro is a very talented guy, but like the brilliant Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who came from France to make Alien: Resurrection, his ability to offer a straightforward narrative is as limited as his visual style is overwhelming. Great bugs though.

6. Romy and Michele's High School Reunion: Sorry to be doubling up on Mira, but what was up with this lump of gold-plated turd? Two terrific and engaging actresses and a really funny premise. Did they have to invert Rocky and make the stars losers even though they won?

5. Picture Perfect: There are people who enjoyed this movie. I enjoy watching Jennifer Aniston in mini-dresses, but I could have just taped "Friends" for that. A good idea gone disastrously wrong.

4. Cop Land: I wanted to care about Stallone. I wanted DeNiro to do more than sleepwalk through a cameo. I wanted to hate Keitel. But who could care about these mooks? I'd love to see the movie about the women in the lives of these people. They have a story to tell. And about seven minutes total screentime in this flick. Janeane Garofalo's cameo ties Winona Ryder's Alien 4 turn as 1997's biggest waste of a great talent.

3. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery: Just rent In Like Flint, baby! How many times is "you wanna shag?" funny? For me, once. They even took the very clever "fruit covering genitals" gag and did it twice, ensuring that it would be run into the ground.

2. I Know What You Did Last Summer: Teens, tank tops, terror. I'm not saying I hated this movie. I didn't. Heck, I might have even liked it. But it dominated the fall in a way that seemed to suggest that it was a movie worthy of repeat viewings. It was a lot fresher than another Freddie Kruger romp, but it was the kind of movie that its screenwriter, Kevin Williamson, mocked in the far better Scream.

1. George of the Jungle: I loved the original cartoon on which this one was based. Loved it! This just didn't do it for me. It was OK, but not $105 million worth of OK. Oddly enough, it was less layered commercially than the cartoon. And I don't remember Ursula being as dumb as George in the cartoon. Most jokes could have been funnier.

Click to check out the year's Top Movie News or Top Ten Movies. Tomorrow, it's the Ten Worst Movies of 1997.

E-mail is encouraged. Tell how wrong or right I really am.