Weekend, 24 January 1998

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. Pam Anderson: The Sequel
There will be no Barb Wire 2, but Pam is out to prove her claim that she will never "simulate" sex onscreen again. Her next "love documentary" premiered Monday, co-starring Poison singer and recent first-time film director Bret Michaels.

9. Scream TV Works For The WB
Feature-turned-TV series, "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," and "Dawson Creek," an original from Scream scribe, Kevin Williamson, combined to score big Neilson numbers. Maybe UPN will counter with The Brady Bunch/Mission:Impossible hour. Wait a minute.

8. Sundance Keeps That Edge
Check out the festival's award ceremony Saturday at Bloomingdales. Oops! You can't. It's by invitation only, co-sponsored by Entertainment Weekly and USSB. "Attention, shoppers! Ten percent off on ultimate hipness when you charge it on your Bloomies card!"

7. Spice Girls Invade Hollywood
Remember when they said they had Mad Cow disease under control and that it would never get to America? Liars! Meanwhile, Ginger Spice is an unwilling participant in a new video called Spice Exposed. Naked Girl Power!

6. Return to Oz
While Surrender Dorothy was in Park City winning honors at the Slamdance Film Festival, Drew Barrymore was signing up to make a movie of the same title for Warner Bros. Neither have a relation to the MGM classic. Possible tag line: "You've seen the T-shirt, now see the movie."

5. Hefner Gives Wife Up, Award Out
Days after Hugh hit the town with two Playmates after separating from his wife , they'll be giving out the Playboy Freedom Of Expression Award at Sundance. Do they mean expressions like "Til death do us part" or "My doctor can take you to a D-cup, no problem"?

4. Cattle Ranchers vs. Oprah Begins
She's now suffering from Mad Cash Cow disease.

3. Whoopi Takes the Center Square
I'll take "Actresses Whose Careers Are Deteriorating" to block!

2. All Conquer Love
Audiences catching the controversial documentary Kurt & Courtney explain why Ms. Love is pissed. Filmmaker Nick Broomfield basically accuses the widow of responsibility for the Nirvana star's death. Now you wanna see it, don't ya?

1. Extra Credit
Forni-gate overtakes the Titanic as top cocktail talk. I imagine that somewhere Pamela Lee is reading (tee-hee) about Jen Lewinsky's audio tapes and meowing, "Amateur."

E-mail is a place where you're free to speak your mind. But I know your address. By the way, what do you think of my new weekend news round up?