Weekend, 21 February 1998

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS
10. Son Of Seagal: Steven Seagal's long distended belly finally bore some fruit. His son, Kentaro (Japanese for "My Dad's A Movie Star"), will star in Renegade Blade for former Cannon Films hacks Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. Like his father, Little Seagal has earned his acting stripes after a sensational performance as a Tommy Hilfiger clothing model.

9. Downey And Out: Robert Downey Jr. got a day pass from jail to shoot an unspecified movie, ticking off the locals who feel that he's getting "Movie Star Justice." He was probably in a bed somewhere with Heather Graham reshooting a sex scene from Two Guys and a Girl that the MPAA just can't grant an R-rating to since it involves a sexual act that would turn up in the SATs in the form: "As Monica does for Bill, Bill does for Monica."

8. Soul TV: The surprise hit of fall 1997, Soul Food, will be coming to a TV near you in the form of a series next fall. The producer/director team of Robert Teitel and George Tillman made the deal as part of a long-term pact with 20th Century Fox. Personally, I think there should be a how-to cooking program a few hours before every episode so our show-inspired lust for great home cooking can be satisfied each week as we watch the family eat.

7. Legal Fecals: After Ah-nuld was run off the road by two out-of-control paparazzi and despite the fact that Princess Diana apparently was not, the Screen Actors Guild has proposed legislation called -- take a deep breath -- The Protection From Personal Intrusion for Commercial Purposes Act. The stated goal is to make it a federal crime to "harass a person in order to photograph or record them for commercial purposes when that harassment causes bodily injury or fear of bodily injury." Seems reasonable, huh? Freedom From Fear: The Law.

6. Followed By Fear: The Mistake: Tom Cruise called 911 to report he was being followed by three paparazzi while he was driving with his daughter. Cruise took the license plates of the three cars which police say were probably not paparazzi at all. Guess they won't be charged with a federal crime under Freedom of Fear: The Overtly Unconstitutional Law That Would Give Power To Celebrities That No One Else Gets.

5. Titanic numbers: Titanic is still big news, but why repeat myself? Check out Friday's Weekend Preview for the story.

4. Stone Nailed: Sharon Stone has taken a vow to cross and uncross her legs for only one man for the rest of her life. A news editor at that! (Our own Andy Jones had his chance, but passed.) No truth to the rumor that the marital consummation was filmed when Stone didn't notice the lighting, cameras or the crew focusing on her genitalia.

3. Auction Action: A Christies auction of Titanic memorabilia grossed about $2.5 million this week. Amongst the big-ticket sellers was a collection of 34 telegraph messages, including the historic, "We have struck an iceberg." Price tag: $123,500. Next Up: A lock of hair from Kate Winslet's grandmother, who would have been on the boat if Rose wasn't a fictional character and Winslet was really her granddaughter.

2. Editing For Arts Sakes: Warner Bros. will cut scenes out of the video release of Taylor Hackford's The Devil's Advocate as part of a settlement with sculptor Frederick Hart who complained that the living sculpture in the the film was copied from his "Ex Nihilo." Expected as a result of Hart's legal success, which sets a new precedent for an industry that has always copied great art, are massive lawsuits from Michaelangelo, DiVinci, Rembrandt and Jerry Lewis.

1. Bond Bombshell: Sony has gone on the attack against longtime Bond producer United Artists. Not only does Sony claim that they have the right to produce their own Bond films, but they now claim that United Artists owes them a piece of the action from their entire Bond library. The legal battle is too complex to explain here, but Sony's been developing this legal strategy for a full year before unleashing it and I'd bet on a settlement that at least allows Sony to proceed with the rumored Emmerich/Devlin (the guys from ID4 and Godzilla) Bond for 1999 or 2000.

READER OF THE DAY: From Brad D.: "I am going to see Palmetto this weekend. It's been awhile since there has been a film like this. Elizabeth Shue and Gina Gershon. I am there."

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E ME: I don't think Brad was answering the "writing vs. hype" question, but he may have by mistake. What puzzles you about audiences out there?