The Hot Button by David Poland

Weekend, 11 July 1998

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. FROM BRENTWOOD TO BURBANK: Universal signed Oscar-winner Geoffrey Rush to be the bad guy in its upcoming "from the comic book of the same name" feature, Mystery Men. The description of the film says the Mystery Men are would-be super heroes who do unique things, like one who "channels his anger," one who "does creative things with forks" and one who can "really wield a shovel." Sounds like Universal has finally done what the LAPD couldn't do: solve the Nicole Brown Simpson/Ron Goldman murder case.
9. RELEASING LOLITA: The long-delayed and controversial Lolita is finally scheduled to arrive in America's living rooms on August 2 on Showtime cable. So what is it doing in L.A. and New York City theaters on July 22? Trying to win an Oscar. See, there's an Academy rule that says if your film hits cable before it hits theaters, it's ineligible for an Academy Award. If you want to know more about that rule, call Linda Fiorentino, who was a sure-bet Academy nominee for The Last Seduction, but was ruled out by law. But that's not all. The Samuel Goldwyn Company will release Lolita into theaters in September to try and develop a profitable theatrical run. As far as I know, it will not be any kind of "special edition," so what's the point? Money, money, money, money, money. Given the specialized nature of Lolita, this release is the equivalent of sending the film to revival houses after cable, only better. The prints will be cleaner. My guess is that Goldwyn is investing $10 million or less and will hit profit at about a $15 million gross. That would confirm my earlier suspicions that the lack of a domestic distributor was about the cost of distribution, not the controversy around the movie. I doubt that director Adrian Lyne and Pathé would have accepted such a soft release, given the $55 million negative cost of the film, except at the last minute. And here we are.
8. HILLARY!!!!! ROCKY!: Sly Stallone got moneyed Miamians to cough up more than $800,000 at a fund-raising dinner in his home that featured sea bass terrine, filet mignon and the President of the United States. Stallone presented Clinton with a pair of boxing gloves and analogized Clinton to Rocky. President Clinton responded by asking (in my imagination), "How do you get these things to stay on your knees?"
7. REVERSE ARMAGEDDON: 20th Century Fox is developing Challenger, the story of the tragic space shuttle explosion. Seems a little tame for a feature, so here is a suggestion to spice it up: It turns out there was an asteroid headed toward Earth. And NASA launched two shuttles and blew one up as a distraction. Christa McAuliffe was an alien who was returned to her planet. But she was David Duchovny's sister and he found out. No, no, no! It turns out Jim Cameron may do it, and he's going to make Christa McAuliffe a 19-year-old Brit, and there's a stowaway who has real insight and a cute butt. But the captain of the shuttle chases them with a gun and blows a hole in the shuttle. No! Before the movie, there's a 2-hour trailer for Speed 2 (great recycling opportunity) and the 73-second shuttle launch and explosion, uncut and with no rock music, runs. The End.
6. MR. W. & TINA: Tina Brown left The New Yorker to do a magazine/TV/movie deal with Miramax. This is big news in New York and almost meaningless in the industry town of Los Angeles, unless you are fighting for the last table at Spago on a Saturday night and Tina has it now. You were one of the greatest magazine editors ever, Ms. Brown. Welcome back to the bottom of the Hollywood hill. Start pushing the rock.
5. FUNERAL WITH A SIDE OF FRIES: Roy Rogers has gone the way of Bob's Big Boy, only Mr. Rogers is unlikely to make a comeback. Personally, I never liked his cooking. But besides being the name on the sign for over 600 restaurants, Roy Rogers was also one of America's most popular figures in the 1940's, the personification of the great singing cowboy. By all accounts, he was a great guy and a real humanitarian. Happy trails to the Bruce Willis of his generation. Yippee Ay Yo Kayay, Roy.
4. DREAM A LITTLE (MORE) DREAM: Paul Allen made his money with Bill Gates, and then took his billions and became an investor. He is not a foolish man, even if he has the bad habit of buying sports teams in Seattle. So, it must be reassuring now that he has come close to doubling his stake in DreamWorks SKG by buying out most of the stake that was held by South Korean food conglomerate Cheil Jedang Corp. Allen now owns more of DreamWorks than Spielberg, Katzenberg or Geffen with 24 percent, but the trio still controls the company completely with 22 percent each, adding up to their 66 percent total. The stock purchase cost about $160 million, bringing his total investment to about $660 million. That's a lot of Small Soldiers.
3. COMMITTING LEO: Looks like Leo DiCaprio is finally ready to sign on the line that is dotted and will actually grace us with another movie. It's called The Beach, and it's a war drama that will be directed by Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame. The film won't start shooting until January, which will give Leo more time to hang out with Playmates, bust up hotel rooms and generally act like less than his 23 years. Go, Leo, go! Just don't look back because Ryan Phillippe or some other kid with brighter eyes may be catching up with you.
2. ARMAGEDDON SPIN WATCH: Disney had quite a week trying to convince us that Armageddon was a great success for the studio. When Joe Roth complained the media was unfair in portraying The Hunchback of Notre Dame as a failure even though it grossed $322 million worldwide, I bought it. When he brought Simpson and Bruckheimer back into the fold to create gritty event movies even after their disastrous "visionary alliance" with Disney, I said, "Interesting." But when he tells the world that he was happy with a $53 million opening for Armageddon, I laugh my butt off. If the movie drops by less than 40 percent this weekend, the spin will continue on Monday. If it drops by 50 percent or more, look for dead silence from the Mouse House. Can't make any excuses after that excrement hits the fan.
1. THINK THEY SAW BATMAN & ROBIN?: A jury awarded Francis Ford Coppola $20 million in actual damages and $60 million in punitive damages in his suit against Warner Bros. over efforts which resulted in Coppola's version of Pinocchio never reaching the screen. So, $80 million is the going rate for NOT getting your film made. Interesting. I have some old screenplays I should get out of the trunk. But seriously, this award could be the most significant ever, since it basically penalizes the WB for doing what studio executives have done since the end of the studio system: kill every project they thought had potential, but decided not to make, so that if it ever became a hit somewhere else they wouldn't look stupid and lose their job for which they knew they were underqualified and overpaid in the first place. Keep in mind, they go through hundreds of projects each year and make about 20 movies. Hollywood is the land of "What if?" Better for them that no one ever answers that question.
READER OF THE DAY: From Julian from Melbourne, Australia: "I'm sick of being the one who knows what sounds good, what sounds bad but seeable, and so on. Years of media saturation means I'm always the one my friends and family ask when they want to know about films that are out, or what's arriving soon, or what's meant to be good. For once, I'd like to be the one who goes into a film without knowing anything about it, and be completely surprised by the plot, characters and happenings of the film. In the last couple of years I can only say independent films have really caught me by not having the whole plot revealed beforehand. Does this mean I'll stop visiting web sites such as roughcut.com or reading the odd entertainment magazine? No, because I love movies and want to know what's good, what's bad and what's it all about. However, I would think film publicists would remember mystique can draw just as big by letting it all hang out. To give credit where it's due, (and I'm not a fan here) Star Wars had a tiny release, originally. What it does mean is that I miss the position of being told by a friend 'I saw this movie yesterday,' and not being able to tell them more about it than they knew without having seen the film. Just my tuppence."

E ME: Do you agree with Mr. Down Under? Do you identify? Are you sick of giving the answers and taking the heat when they hate the movie you love? Tell me your worst experience when being "the expert" for your friends and family.