July 14 - Sidebar

STAR WARS: BALANCE OF THE FORCE


From: Vishal Sharma
Subject: How The New Star Wars Film Will Start -- Honest, Governer! How about this!

FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK STREET -- AFTERNOON

A normal, busy day in New York. We are at knee level on a fairly busy street. A few legs walk INTO then OUT of FRAME.

A beat.

OBI WAN KENOBI'S LEGS suddenly shoot past, we TRACK alongside.

WIDER to reveal Obi Wan Kenobi running down the street being pursued by two STORM-TROOPERS.

Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" begins to play OVER the soundtrack along with Obi Wan's voice-over.

OBI WAN KENOBI (V.O.):
Choose life, choose a job, choose the force, choose a great big f--kin' landspeeder, choose a rented farm on Tatooine --

Various ITEMS begin to fall out of Obi Wan's cloak. Among these items are PILLS, TABLETS and CONDOMS.

OBI WAN KENOBI (V.O):
-- choose X-Wings, A-Wings, light-sabres and R2-D2 units -- choose a holiday on Endor, choose to bring home Wicket the Ewok instead of Chewbecca the Wookie and watch the f--ker eat your wife, choose Stormtroopers, Mel Brooks, whores and crack cocaine. Choose your future -- but why would I want to do a thing like that?

Obi Wan runs out into the middle of the road and COLLIDES with a landspeeder. He is knocked onto the bonnet. He looks through the windscreen at two very bemused STORM-TROOPERS.

Obi Wan SMILES and LAUGHS and the FRAME flashes into black and white and the entire scene PAUSES.

TITLE CARD ON STILL IMAGE:

"OBI-WAN"

The FRAME flashes back into color and two Storm-troopers, the same two that were chasing Obi Wan down the street, enter FRAME and grab a hysterical Obi Wan and drag him OUT OF FRAME.

CUT TO:

CREDIT SEQUENCE

OK, maybe not.