Weekend, 22 August 1998

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO DO: Are you flipping burgers at McDonald's hoping for your big break in Hollywood? Well, it looks like you may have the wrong low-paying, life-draining job. Antwone Fisher, a former security guard on the Sony lot has not only sold his screenplay about his life story, but Denzel Washington will make his directing debut on the project. (In an ironic Hollywood twist, the project is set up at Fox, not Sony.) Of course, Antwone also grew up neglected, worked for a pimp and drug dealer, became a robber and joined the Navy, all by 24 years of age. And Antwone isn't just sitting around, basking in Denzel's light; he got a million bucks for 00-Soul, a Bond spoof that's set up at Universal. (Another irony of non-Sony involvement, considering their unsuccessful hopes and efforts to bring Bond to the last great Japanese-American studio.

9. HOW STELLA GOT HER INVESTMENT BACK: There are those who blame the system for the small group of working black writers and directors in Hollywood, and there are those who say that black audiences have to take responsibility for their films. Both are probably true, but there is positive news on the latter issue. A group called The First Weekend Club has a pledge from its 4,700 members to get out and support "quality black" films. I really applaud the effort, but I do wonder (and thus, the quotation marks) how they will regularly qualify movies for their efforts. Does Shaft qualify? The Five Heartbeats? Dance with Me? Hmmm.

8. KNOWLES DOES NEWS: I have long taken the position that Ain't It Cool News is unreliable and rarely breaks any news, but I must admit that AICN was the first place I got wind of Jim Cameron's exit from Digital Domain, the company he co-founded with Stan Winston (who is also leaving) just five years ago. Harry also correctly and fully reported (through his source) the broken relationships that have led to this. You might recall that just last year, the talk was that DD would shut its doors forever in view of fiscal miscalculations in its high-intensity start-up. No one ever doubted the talent of the artists involved, just the economics.

7. DEJA VU AGAIN: Just a month or so ago, Francis Ford Coppola announced the re-invigoration of his Zoetrope label right after winning his $80 million judgement against Warner Bros. (THB 7/21). Now, with a $6.5 million judgement against CIBY 2000 (THB 8/20), David Lynch is announcing production on the first film under his Picture Factory banner. While Coppola held forth on his future from his Northern California winery, look for Lynch to hold press outings from an iron lung, a pet cemetery or perhaps from The Monica Lewinsky Stain Museum, Southern California's latest attraction-to-be.

6. GET PAID NOT TO WORK III: After Coppola and Lynch comes the story of The Mirror Has Two Faces, a movie that didn't work. At the least, it didn't make money. But at least one of the investors in the film (and three others under a pact with Phoenix Pictures) was insured against a loss and now seeks to claim between $12 and $15 million. Next thing they need to do is offer movie insurance to moviegoers. Like those booths in the airport, you could pay, say, two bucks against the danger of a really crappy comedy. When you get to your seat you'd be mic'ed, and if no laughs are heard, you'd get the price of your ticket back. Of course, there would be the danger of floppers, folks who go intending not to laugh in order to defraud insurers. And, of course, a Meet the Deedles/
Krippendorf's Tribe double feature could bring an insurance company to its knees.

5. I SEE A BAD MOON RISIN': Well, Eddie Murphy isn't a vampire, but he'll keep doing a lot of personality switching in his The Nutty Professor sequel. In fact, there's already been a lot of changing, with hot director F. Gary Gray having dropped out of the project already (THB 7/24). His apparent replacement will be Peter Segal, who may be a very nice guy, but seems like a true fallback as a choice for this film. Where the director of the original (Tom Shadyac) and Gray have shown some special skills behind the camera, Segal has knocked out Naked Gun 33 1/3, Tommy Boy and My Fellow Americans. Basically, giant TV movies. Any hope that Nutty II will match or supercede the original have to be fading, not really because of Segal's talent, but because Imagine couldn't get a true A-lister to take the helm.

4. DISNEY BUYS THE FARM: After holding out for more than 20 years, the children of the Fujishige brothers of Anaheim have decided to give up and sell their farm to Disney for a Disneyland expansion (THB 08/18). One of the two brothers shot himself in the head, and the other has fallen into a coma. Oliver Stone can't be far behind.

3. ARM-A-GEDDON A LOT OF MONEY: Summer is just about over at the box office (THB 8/19), but not before Disney's proud announcement that Armageddon has become the studio's highest-grossing film ever when it passed the $180 million mark on Monday. The film passed Pretty Woman, the Julia Roberts-as-hooker-turned-Cinderella-guide that so clearly influenced a young Monica Lewinsky. Oddly, the press release left out the fact that Pretty Woman cost about $30 million to make and that Armageddon cost more to produce and distribute than the $179 million record that Pretty Woman previously held. This should be the last Armageddon story ever. (Dear God, I hope so.) Can we please have a moment of silence.

Thank you.

2. UNDOON BY KUNDUN: As long as Disney is already ticked at me, here's an item I stumbled onto, much to my surprise. There was much hoopla in the trades last week, first worrying that Mulan might be kept out of China and then that Disney was confident the film would make it in thanks to Disney's strong relationship with the Chinese government. Then, nothing. Crickets. A non-story after that is that the film would be shown, but that isn't what happened. China has rejected the film. Maybe the Chinese government has some Disney in them after all. The China Film Corporation told London's Daily Express that it was MPAA chief Jack Valenti's demand for more films to be allowed in (30 instead of the current 10 a year), not Kundun, but I have a feeling that if Disney would just burn all prints and negatives of Kundun and offer up Martin Scorsese for a "proper" trial, they could make a deal.

1. DON'T FEEL BAD AFGHANISTAN, IT'S JUST ABOUT SEX: New Line may want to re-launch Wag the Dog after all the speculation that Wild Willie Clinton used some missiles to diffuse a situation that he must feel really sucks. (Pun No. 1) Forty percent of America feels that this is a diversionary tactic. Officials spent much of Friday trying to blow that theory off. (Pun No. 2).

The giant sucking sound (Unintended Pun No. 1) you heard from Martha's Vineyard was Kim Basinger's (I'm not going there, you filth mongers) husband, Alec Baldwin smooching the President's china white buttocks. I just feel the Wag the Dog thing is off base. See, Clinton is a dog. Even his most ardent supporters admit that, but it isn't his tail that wags him. That would be against the Bible and would require Slick Willie to admit technical perjury. It's the mouth that wags this dog. God Bless America.

READERS OF THE DAY: About the possible Spider-Man casting (THB 08/20), Nathan N. wrote: "Well, if you want something interesting, here's what you go with: Peter Parker: an unknown with gymnast abilities, as you've got to have the 'Peter on a wall with his camera around his neck and the brown jacket on' shot somewhere in the film.
Spider-Man: Motion-captured Jackie Chan, CGI body. Guys in all spandex just look silly as superheroes.
J. Jonah Jameson: Dennis Farina, John Mahoney or R. Lee Ermey [David note: R. Lee Ermey got many votes for JJ].
Kingpin: Ving Rhames, as WB will never wise up and cast him as Luthor.
Doc Ock: Dan Ackroyd. He can act when he wants to, and physically, he's perfect. And if they've got sense, it won't be an original story. Tell it in a 15-minute flashback or something if necessary, but get to the meat, man. Not every story HAS to start at the beginning."

Regarding comic book movie comments from ROTD Jeff Wells (THB 8/20), from Erik T: "In some ways, Jeff's got a point, though it's less the genre itself as it is the lazy, moronic writing and development of recent years by those handling the material. The genre isn't so bad as it's mishandled by those who don't understand what makes those movies work. Why can't the people at the WB who make the animated Batman and Superman shows get promoted to the live-action front? They're the few who do a great job at the superhero genre. Let's face it, any genre can bite if mishandled. In somebody else's hands, Titanic would have been just another disaster picture, another The Poseidon Adventure. [David note: I think The Poseidon Adventure is grossly underrated. Really good, cheesy movie. Great performances by Hackman, Winters and Borgnine.] It worked because, despite my own feelings about the script, Cameron allowed the film to transcend what it could have been. If Jeff likes pure realism, so be it. Good for him. Let's just hope I never have to sit next to his sorry, bad-attitude at a movie anytime soon or I'll be prompted to dump my Sprite all over his head."

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E ME: Just tell me what you want, what you really, really want.