The Hot Button by David Poland

Weekend, 21-22 November 1998

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. I'M JUST PISSED ABOUT HARRY: I've done my best to stay away from the Harry Knowles conflict. There's nothing much for me to gain and I basically think that Harry is an OK guy. My only problem is that he gives such an open forum to idiots, like the fictitious Joe Hallenbeck. First, let me explain that, while some have suggested that I have said Harry is Hallenbeck, I do not think he is. As I recall, Harry told me that Hallenbeck was a number of reader/writers morphed under one name, but there is still some concern about how Harry uses the tool that is Hallenbeck.
This synthetic moron has spent a ton of space this week ripping Chris Pula's hiring at Disney to shreds. One problem, though: Hallenbeck didn't get his facts remotely right. The idiot attacks Pula for the Batman & Robin opening, but the film opened with $43 million. That would have made it the third best opening of 1997, behind The Lost World and Men in Black and the second best opening of this year, just $1 million behind Godzilla and almost $7 million ahead of this year's top grosser, Armageddon. Hallenschmuck also manages to avoid Pula's connection to Armageddon, whose marketing moves I wrote vehemently against, but which worked to great effect to save the Ain't-It-Cool favorite. And he adds an embarrassment of riches from the "not getting it" goldmine with his attacks on L.A. Confidential's weak opening (a distribution failure) and Mighty Joe Young's switch to being a Walt Disney Picture (see THB 11/20), which has nothing to do with Pula.
One Hot Button reader questioned my support of Pula based on the print ads for Mars Attacks! I can deal with that. I'm not saying Pula is perfect. No one is. At Universal, Buffy Shutt and Kathy Jones oversaw marketing during the studio's fall from grace. The marketing has improved since their exit, but I would never attack them the way this unnamed coward attacks Pula. Why? Because they once did remarkable work at Columbia, driving big openings for a number of crappy movies, much like the gang at Fox weren't morons for Speed 2 and geniuses for There's Something About Mary. They were the same people in different situations.
Reading Hallenbeck makes it clear. He knows nothing about the film business and has never had to deliver on anything in his lifetime. (And by the way, Mars Attacks! opened in second with $9.4 million, behind Jerry Maguire, which did $17.1 million on 20 percent more screens. Considering the disastrous buzz on Mars, even that opening didn't suck too badly.)
Of course, Harry opens the article by being a bit supportive of Pula and semi-apologizing for the blast to come. But Harry, you control what goes up, not Hallenbeck. Some of my readers agree with me, others don't, but I don't hide my opinions in theirs. And the only person who takes the kind of abuse that Pula takes in this article in the ROTD is me. Hallenbeck has always been an obviously untalented wannabe. But he's dragging you down to his level when you give him an open forum for every dumb comment he chooses to make. And to answer a question you once asked me in a private e-mail, no, I don't respect that.
9. ON THE OTHER HAND: I was all set to ream AICN for a report on a "test screening" of Babe: A Pig in the City that took place on Sunday. The screening didn't cause Universal to pull the other screenings, as Harry has suggested. It actually took place on a day that was supposed to be the day of the media junket, a junket that was cancelled because Universal "had no print." So, I have to, essentially, thank Harry's readers for confirming my immediate reaction to the cancellation (THB 11/14-15) as a bit of a ruse. There are new screenings set up for this next week, so the film will be reviewed before going to theaters. And please don't take my report out of context. It's not some sure sign that the film is a disaster. Only that Universal has and that we should probably have, as "Mad TV" might say, lowered expectations.
8. THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS: Another day in the big city with a nice story to tell about New Yorkers. I was racing to Grand Central from Chinatown and absent-mindedly left my cell phone in the cab. What are the odds of ever getting that back? Well, I fortunately took a receipt. I called the number on it. It was for the Taxi and Limousine Commission. They were able to give me the number of the cab's home company. I called them, but they told me they had no radio in the car. Another ugly story, right? But then I called myself and who answered but the recent Jamaican-turned-New Yorker cab driver, who discussed my plight with me as he took another fare up the East Side. He came to my hotel later and returned the phone and was actually grateful for the token gratuity I gave him for his efforts. Keep in mind, someone had to get in his cab and then hand him my phone, so there is another kind soul here as well. And then, I called the guy's boss and had him fired for not turning the phone off and wearing down the battery. Just kidding.
7. BUYING BAD MOVIES ON THE NET: A few months ago, I told you about an opportunity to buy your way into the next Bond film with the bidding starting at $10,000. This week, Plaza Film Finance, Ltd. announced that it would allow investors with more than $100,000 to go online and take a look at their slate of feature development projects, hoping to find investors. Does the phrase "a fool and his money are soon parted" ring a bell?
6. WRITING SUCKS -- THE ARTICLE: There was a really fine article in Variety this week by Chris Petrikin on spec scripts and screenwriters. Really thorough and good. I know that it's not really news, but read it anyway. It's worth the time and I rarely get to praise Variety on this page.
5. OPEN WIDE, ENTER SEA: The Prince of Egypt will go wide in December. Not wide like 3,000 screens in America. Wide like almost 10,000 prints spread out across the globe. One unkind journalist who attended this week's New York junket suggested that DreamWorks is getting the film out as quickly as possible to beat the bad buzz. "The Ten Commandments was three hours long, The Prince of Egypt is 90 minutes and seemed longer." Ouch. Add this to the negative comments by other journalists who had seen it last week and my concern builds. Everyone agrees that the animation is great, but the story is apparently dark, confusing and boring. I am still anxious to see the film and hope that DreamWorks will still be sending me an invitation for its press screening. And I hope all the negative talk is all wrong. It would be a shame if the film isn't great. A quality alternative to Disney animation (as Antz was) makes the whole industry stronger. Including Disney.
4. SPIELBUZZ: The casting of Memoirs of a Geisha has been filling the pages of the trades for months, but that hasn't kept Steven Spielberg from temporarily pulling the plug on the project. Why wait? The answer could well be the DreamWorks bottom line. Beyond The Prince of Egypt, the studio doesn't have a very full schedule. Forces of Nature and In Dreams are coming, but there are not a lot of high-powered projects in line. (Remember, Memoirs of a Geisha is a non-DreamWorks project for Columbia Pictures.) So, what better solution than a Steven Spielberg film. Especially one that might star Tom Cruise. (Forget rumors about Indiana Jones 4. People forget how very involved George Lucas was in those films and he's a little too busy at the moment to split his attention.) The project with Cruise is called Minority Report and is about a cop on the run, but the script isn't quite there yet, according to the trades. But while there is an alternative project, called Spares, about cloning for organs, it's not a Tom Cruise movie. A Spielberg action film is good. A Tom Cruise action film is a slam dunk.
3. LOVE AND DEATH ON THE LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY: A sad farewell to Alan J. Pakula, one of the best actor's directors to ever play the game. He produced one of the most beloved films ever, To Kill a Mockingbird. In his first shot at directing, Liza Minnelli was nominated for an Oscar for her work in The Sterile Cuckoo. Liza Minnelli! He got the best out of Jane Fonda in Klute. Ditto for Hoffman, Redford, Robards and a big cast of great actors in All the President's Men. Burt Reynolds' best work ever as an actor came in Pakula's Starting Over. Harrison Ford's career turned a new corner in Pakula's Presumed Innocent. Mr. Pakula died in a freak accident you would expect to see in one of his movies. A pole being carried on a truck on the highway slammed through his windshield, sending his car out of control. High drama, indeed. He will be missed.
2. DISNEY SHIFTS PAWNS: When I read the headline that said Infoseek had purchased Starwave from Disney, I thought, "Finally, they figured out a way to get Mr. Showbiz out of the same company that owns E! Online." But then I remembered, Disney now owns Infoseek. So, instead of separating the two sites, they continue to operate under the same parent. While Disney has indicated that it will fold Infoseek and all the Starwave properties, including Mr. Showbiz, into Go.com, they have announced no plans to include E! Online in the grouping. The beat goes on.
1. THE IMPORTANT STUFF: What else could be the top story except for the Star Wars teaser trailer pre-release release? Live news vans pulled up at theaters around America. Internet buzz was all a twitter with "which theater will it be playing at with which movie" as though they were designating air-raid shelters in wartime. And basically, it was worth the effort. Terrific tease. But I sometimes think to myself about all this anticipation and the fact that it's never the same after you've seen the movie. No matter how good the movie is. It's kind of like the first time with that girl you always wanted. It can be great, but never as great as the imagination. Nonetheless, I look forward to watching the mania grow over the next months. In you all, and in me too. We can't help it. It's our nature.
READER OF THE DAY: AJ Wrote: "Dave... HELP! Recently I sent you an e-mail basically bragging about how I've never seen Star Wars and how I won't see the prequels, etc. Then I saw the trailer. Dammit!!! I might have to see this thing Dave. Man, do I hate eating crow! Please tell me Natalie Portman won't be in the remaining two. Then I won't see those, and I'll keep at least a bit of my dignity. Oh, the horror... the horror!"

E ME: E-mail is a circle without a beginning and nobody knows where the circle ends. Use it or lose it.