Monday, 28 December 1998

WEEKEND REVIEW
Universal was right and we were all f--king wrong!!! The ads for Patch Adams may have miscommunicated what the movie was really about, but damned if they didn't work like a bat out of hell. An estimated $25.3 million. The third best December opening ever, behind last year's Scream 2 and Titanic. And, as long as we're self-flagellating here, I want to give kudos to Robin Williams for putting that stupid red nose on before sticking his hands in the cement at Mann's Chinese Theater last week. Part of Arnold Schwarzenegger's mystique inside Hollywood was his intense support for his films. This picture will spend eternity on Williams' photo file and Williams put his movie before his humility. And don't get me wrong. I don 't think that this film is an embarrassment in any way. But that nose!

This Christmas, we get four new films making the Top 10. Last year, we got five. But Patch Adams probably isn't the next Titanic. However, Sony will certainly hope that Stepmom is the next As Good As It Gets. Both films opened Christmas weekend and the two did almost the same per-screen average, at just over $8,000 per. Stepmom starts with $19.4 million. As Good As It Gets ended up with $148 million. (I don't think this analogy will play out.) You have to figure that Disney will also be happy at this point if Mighty Joe Young ($10.9 million this weekend) matches up to last year's Mouse Hunt, which ended up with $62 million domestic by the end of its run. Joe cost more than $70 million, but when the studio decided to turn it into a kid flick, it was essentially giving up on Joe as a major hit.

The other newcomer was The Faculty, Miramax's hope for Scream-level box office this December. Nope -- $11.8 million isn't bad, but the film is looking more like Jackie Brown ($9.3 million opening/$40 million domestic total) than like Scream 2. And though people forget, Scream was all about long, long legs. The Faculty is Stump City. (More on this movie below.) The hardcore holdovers, You've Got Mail ($19.1 million) and The Prince of Egypt ($15.3 million) both proved they aren't going away in a hurry. Next weekend's holiday air should also be kind to these films, as YGM nears $80 million and POE hangs around $60 million. Where either will go from there will be the question. Warner Bros. will be thrilled to have a $100 million movie again though I think they were kinda hoping for $150 million and that's probably out of reach. And DreamWorks may not get to that $100 million mark, which is bad news for a picture that cost about that amount.

Just compare POE to A Bug's Life. POE added about 5 percent to its three-day gross this weekend while adding 100 screens, while ABL added 1 percent despite losing 317 screens. That's another $10.1 million for an $114.6 million total-to-date and still rolling after six weeks. Star Trek: Insurrection stayed in orbit, adding $7.5 million for a $26.1 million three-weekend total. Enemy of the State reports an 8 percent rise in the weekend box office to $5.2 million, despite losing about a third of its screens. This is, in my opinion, because unlike other categories, there is only one film in wide release in the adult-thriller mode. Enemy. Which makes me wonder whether Paramount has shot itself in the foot by not going wide with A Simple Plan. Closing out the Top 10, Jack Frost continues to hold up beyond my comprehension, adding $4 million for a $21.6 million total-to-date.

THE GOOD: Miramax's Down in the Delta, the other major opener, managed just a weak $1.7 million. But the mini-major got good news on Shakespeare in Love as the film finally went into mid-sized release and grabbed $2.7 million. Fox Searchlight's Waking Ned Devine also added screens and almost doubled its total gross with a $1.6 million weekend. And though Elizabeth fell just 13 percent, she fell all the way to the 16th spot with $810,000. And the two seriously Oscar-contending films to arrive in all-but-exclusive release, The Thin Red Line and A Civil Action both did well for themselves. On two screens, Travolta's legal drama averaged $34,000 per screen. And the Terrence Malick epic of man, God and war managed $58,472 on each of five screens.

THE BAD: After seeing The Faculty, the person who saw it with me said, "I'd hate to be Harry Knowles with you coming after me in the column Monday." Well, I don't need or want to bury Harry. I think Harry is a sincere person who, like us all, sometimes gets a little caught up in the game. Does his appearance in this film and his subsequent gushing cross a line? Probably. But we all have our own journeys to take. I have offered, in this column, warnings harsh and not-so-harsh about the dangers of being seduced by people who want to co-opt the influence that writers like Harry do wield. I don't think his relationship with Robert Rodriguez is a false one, but others he has touted are. Harry would probably say, "Thanks, but no thanks" to my advice, but to quote greatness, "smiling faces, smiling faces some times, they don't tell the truth." 'Nuff said.

THE UGLY: Forget Harry's involvement. The Faculty is not only a bad movie. Not only a boring movie. Not only a waste of $8 (that's what I paid). It is the end of an era. No longer can I convince myself that Kevin Williamson has another trick up his sleeve. I Know What You Did Last Summer stole liberally from his own Scream. Scream 2 was a true sequel in every way. Halloween: H20 was worthless in all the areas that Williamson is supposed to be strong. Only the power of Jamie Lee Curtis and the iconography of the series made the last act a rousing romp. "Dawson's Creek," aka Sexy Teens Talk About Sex is, indeed, a variation. Congrats. But The Faculty is a re-tread of epic worthlessness.

The story structure makes zero sense. He doesn't even gather his central characters until the start of the third act, so they have no time to evolve as a group. The only reason they get together is so they can be ripped apart almost immediately. The villains, clever in concept, are uninteresting in execution. (Are nerdy women, that we already know are really bombshells, turning into bombshells, supposed to be clever? Ironic?) And Williamson steals mercilessly, once again, from himself. The opening "Drew Barrymore" sequence. The "who's the killer?" fake out. The dropped lines about old movies, including the "It can't be that old trick, like Movie X, well, yes, it can" scam. I remember worrying that Quentin Tarantino would never write a movie without a man asking another man if he thought that he was a woman, which he must, because he was trying to engage in intercourse with him. (You connect the graphic dots.) But Quentin took a step back and tried to mix things up with Jackie Brown. And I admire that effort. No such luck here.

As far as Mr. Rodriguez goes, it is sad to see such promise falling away. Rodriguez actually moves backwards on this film. There are none of the interesting compositions that turned up in El Mariachi, Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn. There is not a single villain as interestingly handled as any character in From Dusk Till Dawn. The best shot of the film is a calm crane shot from the ceiling of an empty gym to a two-shot in the stands with streamers (read: tentacles) hanging from above. But the shot is so late in the film that the metaphor is too on the nose for its own good at that point. I expected more from Rodriguez, working in his preferred genre, with young egoless talent who would likely follow him into any idea that occurred to him. But all we got were explosions, car wrecks and bad make-up appliances. Even football hits were better shot by the far-less-visually-talented Frank Coraci in The Waterboy.

Rodriguez also wasted his friends. Cheech Marin brought some real great stuff to From Dusk Till Dawn and Salma brought her sex. Here, he really abuses the friendships of Salma Hayek and Famke Janssen by not protecting them by using their strengths. Jon Stewart, Chris McDonald and Bebe Neuwirth bring attention to roles that should be anonymous. And though Robert Patrick was the best thing in the movie, is there something interesting about a guy doing a variation on his most famous role? Isn't this all stunt casting?

Of course, I am giving too much negative credit to this film. It was shockingly boring from beginning to end. And you can tell me that I'm too old to appreciate pulp for as long as you like. It's not true. I was hoping for some really cool explosions and icky effects. I got a film full of interesting young actors with nothing to do. This thing makes Can't Hardly Wait look like Shakespeare. And the use and method of drugs in the film is a bit offensive, but not because they are drugs, but because the choice makes no sense in the film. And the supposed free-flowing nudity is limited to one actual rear shot, which may or may not be of Laura Harris and the one topless scene in which her breasts are covered by flesh colored pasties.

BAD AD WATCH: This week's watch moves up the column because it's The Faculty once again. The film mocks ID4, yet the ad shows an ID4-like image of the school being hit by a beam, bringing up memories of the White House explosion. And no, there is not a scene that matches in the film in any way.

QUOTE WHORING USA: For The Faculty: "The best freeze-frame thriller for horny teens since I Still Know What You Did Last Summer!" "You'll laugh, you'll scream, you'll fall asleep!" "Seventy percent of audience members call The Faculty better than oral surgery!"

HAPPY TRAILERS TO YOU: It's not much of a joy to watch a trailer on the Web, but the really cool news coming off Disney's Tarzan trailer is that Disney is doing its first Japanese anime' with this film. No standard operating procedure here.

READER OF THE DAY: Not a lot of space. I'll have to do a full column or two letters after the first of the year. Positive comments on Stepmom, Mighty Joe Young, The Prince of Egypt, Patch Adams and The Thin Red Line have come in, along with a couple of negative ones. Not one letter about The Faculty.

HOLIDAY SCHEDULE:
Thursday, Dec. 24: Hanukkah Special
Today: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas '98
Monday, Dec. 28: Weekend Review
Tuesday, Dec. 29: Top 10 Movies I Just Don't Get
Wednesday, Dec. 30: The Worst 10 of 1998
Thursday, Dec. 31: The Best 10 Films of 1998
Friday, Jan. 1: New Year's Resolutions

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E ME: Please keep sending input over the next week. I am listening even if I can't respond right away