The Hot Button by David Poland

Hot Button Extra

HOT BUTTON EXTRA

From Jane: "I think the worst movie-going experience I had was when my father, my sister, and I went to see Terminator 2. Some lame-brained, moronic set of parents brought their toddler AND newborn baby to the R-rated, ultra-violent pic and the kids squealed and cried constantly for the first hour. There was practically a stampede out to the lobby to get someone, ANYONE, to convince these folks perhaps T2 wasn't the best film to have their shrieking children at and, finally, thank God, they did leave. My biggest pet peeve remains to this day parents who are unwilling (or unable) to get a baby sitter and drag their inappropriately aged children to R-rated, made for grown-ups films. If you can't get a baby sitter, then I'm sorry, your hind end stays home and watches The Little Mermaid for the 900th time."
From J.S.: "I work part time at a movie theater in Wisconsin. Why do I do it? It surely isn't for the pay, which is minimum wage, but for free movies. Calculated, it comes out to 700 plus per year). But I take offense with claims that theater workers are just glorified drones who don't give a crap about anything in the theater. Ninety-five percent of our staff are great people who take pride in their work. (The 5 percent who don't end up quitting in less than a month to go and make more money in fast food.)
How much fun do you think it is to have to clean bathrooms, empty trash, pick up other people's garbage like empty ketchup packets because they are too damn lazy to walk two feet from their table to a trash can, while making popcorn, nachos, pretzels (big and the bite-sized kinds), pizzas, ice cream sundaes, coffee drinks and baking cookies while having to keep a smile on our faces dealing with rude and obnoxious customers when we are only getting paid $5.25 per hour? Yes, I know that $4.50 for a tub of popcorn and $3.50 for a soda is ridiculous. Yes I know that $7.00 admission is insane (that is why I am working for minimum wage here), but that doesn't mean that you need to ridicule and complain to me about it. I mean, what am I supposed to do?
If you want to complain about that, send mail to the corporate office. In any theater chain, they are the ones who make the decisions on what to charge, what to serve, what kind of equipment (We are the No. 1 theater for sales in our circuit, and they won't give us any THX screens or even make all our theaters digital sound, but that is a different story), but don't take it out on us. That blank stare you see on theater workers' faces when you make these complaints isn't lack of interest, it's the fact that we cannot do anything about these situations, and, in fact, have probably made the same complaints. But you can only bash your head against a wall for so long.
"As for the things we can control, which includes picture and sound problems, theater temperature and noisy patrons, we can only do something when someone tells us! Yes we do have ushers that do walk-thrus (sic) in our theaters, but being in a theater with noisy people, they can tell when an usher is walking through by the tell-tale light from the door reflecting on the wall and, of course, they quiet down. Walk-thrus (sic) aren't to prevent problems, they are to let people know that staff is present and waiting to assist if necessary. So tell us when someone is talking or when a cell phone is constantly ringing or when the picture is out of focus or frame (we have one projection person running 15 machines -- they can't always anticipate the problem if the projector acts up when they aren't standing there), or a baby is crying (our theater has taken a step in the right direction by not allowing anyone under 5 into an R-rated movie, which is strictly enforced), or you hear someone drinking alcohol they brought in or smoking marijuana. At least in our theater, if someone tells us about these problems, two ushers and at least one manager will enter a theater and take care of the problem.
"But what gets me the most is that people don't say anything, but then go home and write a nasty letter. What good is that going to do? We aren't mind-readers, and, at best, all you are going to get is a couple of free passes, which you would have probably have gotten had you mentioned the problem when it occurred. We all take pride in our work at the theater, trying to make sure we provide a quality escape for people. Why? Because we want them to come back again. If we were as incompetent or uncaring as some make us out to be, why in the hell would you even want to come back? It just gets me that people complain constantly about the problems that we can't control, while saying nothing and just slowly gaining steam about the problems that we can help with. It's those things in the latter group that I'll bet make up the horror stories you print and are what upset people the most."
From GWH: "When I went to go see The Truman Show this summer (Saturday night, mind you), the film only took up the middle third of the screen. Maybe I was just left out of the loop and it was supposed to seem like a TV, but there wasn't really much to focus on (though the movie was so great I eventually forgot all about it)."
From Shaun: "I am currently the promotions director for a small theater circuit in the state of Wyoming. However, for seven years prior to obtaining my current position, I was a concession worker in the same company. As an independent circuit, our theaters have to compete head to head with the big boys, namely, Carmike Cinemas, who exist in almost every town in Wyoming. Our company realized very quickly that in order to compete with the selection of movies they offered (we have fewer screens in each town), we would have to beat them on all other fronts. We installed digital sound, giant curved screens and pride ourselves on our professional presentation. At the same time, the big boys have had the same old equipment since the early '80s. Nary a digital processor to be found, and it never fails that if I attend a movie at the Carmike Cinemas, it has at least three out of frames. Most the time, the film breaks, and there is a 15-minute delay. The floors are always sticky. The screens are torn. The sound is badly muffled. Whenever I point these things out to the manager, she informs me that 'they're doing their best.' Once, I even had to go up to their projection booth and take a look at a faulty projector because no one at the theater could fix it. (The film was threaded improperly.) The point I'm trying to make is this: if you want quality presentation, don't be afraid to venture away from the megaplex. More often than not, the independently run theaters will offer much better quality. They have to. It's the only way they can compete."
From Kevin: "I am a member of management at a movie theater. I am not e-mailing to offer a blanket defense of movie theater employees. I know that not every theater is as perfectly run as mine. :) What I would like to say is that anyone that goes to a movie with any kind of frequency has probably had something go wrong -- a 'horror story' if you will -- at least once. What people fail to think about is the number of times that they go to a movie and everything goes absolutely right and they leave with contentment and satisfaction. Sometimes the only problem is that the movie itself stinks. You can't blame us exhibitors for that, can you?"
From Kate: "What's Love Got to Do with It. Circle Cinema (Showcase) in Brookline, Mass. My sister was out for the first time since my nephew was born (over a year -- he was a preemie with some problems). The theater was crowded, but we got there early enough to get decent seats (and there were many seats available in the back of the theater). We were on the aisle. During previews, a couple of women came in and sat next to us. Within the first 15 minutes, one or the other of them got up at least five times, because they were caretakers for a group of young, mentally- and physically-disabled students whom they'd left -- without a chaperone -- in another theater to see another movie.
"They proceeded to talk, at normal volume (normal for conversation outside a theater, that is), non-stop. We asked them to be quiet, and they said they'd paid just as much as we had for the movie. When we pointed out that we'd paid for the movie, not their conversation, they were not persuaded. So we went to the manager, who sent in a young man (14?) in a conehead (promotion costume) to talk to them. In the theater. During the movie. He said there was 'no evidence' that they were talking (ear-witness accounts from other patrons were insufficient) and would not ask them to be quiet or to leave (despite the slide before the movie that said noise and disruptive behavior would not be tolerated -- perhaps 'see me personally' meant less when signed generically 'The Manager'). We left (got a refund for the tickets, but not for the baby sitter, natch). To say that my sister was crushed would be a gross understatement. Not a glamorous horror story, but pretty nasty for us. I imagine that the patrons in the theater with the women's charges have their own stories to tell."
From GB: "I've got plenty of theater horror stories, but I'd like to address my complaints where they'll do some good. I've called the THX line a few times about problematic theaters, but as far as I can tell their theater assistance program (TAP) is pretty ineffectual. I've also written to the studios and to the theaters about particular problems. (e.g. I saw The General on opening day at the Angelika, and Sony Pictures Classics had provided the theater with a print that was badly scratched and spliced, and the theater compounded the problem by projecting the film at an angle. I'm sure I would have enjoyed the film much more if I'd seen it under decent conditions.) It's rare that I get any response to my complaints. If you've got any ideas on how movie-goers can register their dissatisfaction more productively, please share them with your readers."

E ME: Any more horror stories?