Weekend, 3-4 April 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. COLUMNIST CONSIDERS NEW PROFESSION: Another pathetic news week. It's the post-Oscar® blues. Maybe there will be some real news next week. Dear God, let's hope so.

9. FABI-UGH!: He's not really a movie star, but the story of Fabio and the bird is too funny not to make news by the numbers. Fabio was out at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Va. promoting a new rollercoaster called Apollo's Chariot. Midway through the inaugural ride, the bird hit the Fab. My favorite line came from Fabio's publisher in the Washington Post, "Oh my God! Think if his mouth was open." The mind boggles.

8. FARRELLYS THE CATS: The Brothers Farrelly, the men who made semen safe as post-movie dinner conversation (That is creamy Italian, isn't it?), are going into the animation business. They will make Frisco Pigeon Mambo, the saga of three lab animals who are set free by animal activists and aren't happy about it at all. Have you ever seen animals having sex? Prepare yourself. Imagine Eddie Murphy's Dr. Dolittle with four-letter words and cross-species mating. Should be fun. And if you need more proof that trouble is on the way, one of the screenwriters the brothers hired to write the film: Gerry Swallow.

7. KATZ NOT IN THE BAG: Disney can't seem to get Jeffrey Katzenberg off his docket -- the breach of contract suit that Katzenberg initiated after leaving Disney in 1994. The ongoing issue is resolving how much the projects Katzenberg initiated while at Disney will make so that he can get his 2 percent of the action. The man who put the "K" in DreamWorks SKG says it's $200 million. Disney says, "Leave us alone. We are a poor little company that needs all of our money for a rainy day. Or to buy Romania." A hearing is set for, of all dates, April 15, everyone's favorite day.

6. DA-DA, DA-DA, DA-DAAA: When is Charlie's Angels an ongoing story? When you add Cameron Diaz to Drew Barrymore in a feature remake of the TV juggle classic. Dear God, if this isn't a great movie, it's going to be one of the worst movies of all time. Columbia is going to be looking for a brunette next. You know, the smart one. They would prove that they are the smart ones if they can get Catherine Zeta-Jones to come aboard. If nothing else, this would be the most rented video in history. Just make sure to wipe the drool off the cover before picking it up at Blockbuster.

5. JUST LIKE HOME, BUT DIFFERENT: One of the hot stories of ShoWest was electronic cinema. The buzz was probably years premature, but the technology seems good enough to start fighting about who is going to pay to rebuild movie theaters' infrastructure to get it really rolling. And not too surprisingly, the truly synergistic Walt Disney Company is the first to name a major player in their company as a major player in the electronic cinema, dubbed by Disney as "e-cinema." The man is Phil Barlow, the company's distribution chief. But that doesn't mean as much as the symbolism of Disney asking to be dealt in. (What Disney did manage to sneak into the last paragraph of their press release was that Barlow is being replaced as distribution chief by Chuck Viane. Hmmmm...) I still say we are more than five years away from "e-cinema" unless the studios decide to foot the bill. But the clock has at least started now.

4. SHANGHAIED: The battle for China continues. Jack Valenti was in Beijing trying to get the Chinese government to raise the annual limit on U.S. films from 10 to 17 and a massive 25 in 2001. The government would make no commitment. Could you imagine why any nation wouldn't want to be overrun by Soldier and The Mod Squad? Even if they are evil fascists? Look for the studios to break down the barricades before diplomacy does.

3. ADDED DISINCENTIVES: As of July 1, the Chinese government will ban all exclusively foreign-owned businesses in China. This is despite the Valenti meetings (which coincidentally were led by U.S. Commerce Secretary William Daley). And this is despite overtures to Disney about opening Shanghai Disney. Besides the movie business, the law bans drugs, prostitution, anti-national activities and violence at places of public entertainment. See? They really don't get it? None of those things had to be mentioned separately. All of them are already key components of the movie business.

2. THE FORCE IS WITH US: George Lucas' appearance on "60 Minutes" last Sunday was not as huge a boom for the program as expected. According to New York tabs, the episode was only the seventh-highest rated "60 Minutes" episode of the season. In the meantime, my rant (THB 03/31) on the dismissal of Internet-based journalists from the Star Wars junket got interesting response. Lucasfilm was not happy. None of the Internet writers who I challenged to follow up on the issue even bothered to write me back, much less put themselves in harms way by writing about it. Almost all the initial response from readers was supportive of my position. But oddly, when Dark Horizons was kind enough to link to the column from their site, the response was mostly negative. It wasn't anything that Garth wrote over there. It was the readership itself. Odd. I don't know why they would be more comfortable with being blacked out. Maybe there's special pride in being a film pirate on the seas of the Web. Some letters from those readers are below.) In any case, thanks to Garth for having the guts to bring the issue up at all. Meanwhile, it turns out that one of the junket guys who I mentioned in the column isn't going either. He's the Reader of the Day below.

1. BOND, UA'S BOND: Well, say goodbye to another Sony franchise. Bond is staying at MGM/UA. Sony has promised never to make a Bond of their own. You may Never Say Never Again, but putting "never" in a contract is another thing entirely. Well, there's always Spider-Man. But Jim Cameron's people are working overtime to tell people that he's not doing the film. Yet, the rumor is that another writer is working off Cameron's outline? What's up with that? Why would Sony be making a script from a Cameron outline if he's not involved? My spider senses are tingling.

READERS OF THE DAY: "Ironically, I was NOT invited to the STAR WARS junket!

"About junkets in general, though, you make some good points. Of course, since anyone can be his/her own Internet 'publisher' and considering the fact that there are only about 120 junket slots for the whole country, space IS a problem. I have heard that the MPAA maintains a 'list' of 'accredited' junketeers. What the requirements are to get on the list I do not know (all members of the BFCA are 'automatically' on the list.) You might ask the MPAA about this subject. Remember, being on the list does not guarantee you a spot on a junket. Likewise, many junketeers are not on the list. It is, however, a starting point for some movie companies. Best Wishes. Paul Wunder"

DAVID NOTE: I think it's mighty big of a guy who gets a lot of flack in this column to write in about any issue, much less this one. Thanks, Paul.

From David R.: "What do I think? Actually, I think you're bitter about not being able to show up, flash your press credientials and see the flick free, ahead of time. That's what I think.

"That aside, though, I'll note something you didn't address in your column. There are a lot of Internet sites. The medium supports anyone with a modest amount of computer hardware (which can even be rented monthly from hosts for reasonable fees these days), and almost zero computer talent (again, software and such is cheap and pretty good), meaning everyone and their grandmother can run a site if they like. I haven't done a search recently, but I'm willing to bet there are thousands of sites that claim to be 'Internet press' by virtue of doing daily/weekly entertainment/movie news, or that focus on Star Wars. By limiting the press screenings to television and print press agencies only, Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox set a bar that must be passed in order to qualify as 'real' press. That's not to say that some Internet sites aren't real press, but the definition doesn't exist yet. Does someone like Harry Knowles qualify as Internet press? If so, why? Because he posts daily and has a large following? What about Garth Franklin at Dark Horizons? His site is more popular than AICN and has a more professional appearance. Does he qualify? Cinescape's site? What about roughcut.com? Also, some 'professional' sites are run much more poorly than some 'amateur' sites. There's not really a way, right now, to figure out who qualifies as 'serious' Internet press and who's just a fanboy with a page. Short of going through everything by hand, which leads to inevitable charges of favoritism and revenge (you're mad at us because we embarrassed you with our post last month, etc...).

"The Internet is still in its infancy. The medium is just taking off. Newspapers laughed at television news for years, decades almost, until they stopped laughing because they realized they'd been overtaken. The same will happen with television/print vs. the Internet. One day, they'll look around and finally realize they've been supplanted as the primary source. But that day's not here yet. So your rant is a bit misplaced, and also too early. It's hard to say when this shift will occur. It could be that this time next year it'll be well underway. It could be 10 years from now. Hard to say. Younger people (under 30) are flocking to the Internet in droves. Older people are moving more slowly, if at all. Some are determined to never touch it. This all affects the 'mass decision point'. But one thing's for certain. Episode One is going to be a great flick. I'm taking the day off. George Lucas is a God."

DAVID NOTE: Studios make those determinations every week. And roughcut.com is invited to pretty much every junket that print media is invited to, with a few exceptions that usually come when certain stars refuse to talk to people from the 'Net due to bad experiences. Of course, as I've said before, they all have had bad experiences in other mediums, but the 'Net is susceptible. And I, too, am looking forward to the film, whether I can flash my press pass or not.

From Ryan: "I think you're looking too deep into this whole Lucasfilm thing. If the Internet didn't exist, people would still be excited to see this movie. People like Harry Knowles and Jeffrey Wells are not fueling anything that isn't already fueled. Sixteen years of waiting gets to you after a while. I think it's because of this 16-year gap that people are worshiping the ground Lucas walks on more than ever. I think this is only gonna happen with Episode 1, because of the long wait. Episode 2 will generate excitement, of course, but not as much as Episode 1. Frankly, I don't even think about Lucas. All I care about is the movie. I wanna have fun. He's already a billionaire anyway. So my eight bucks won't really make a difference. I wanna see the movie because I love Star Wars and maybe relive childhood memories."

From Evan: "George Lucas is about the fans and family. The reason he made this film is to provide an escape for the masses from the sh-- in the world. To give people something great to look to as inspiration for their life, even. To make them think about life and why do we do things the way we do. He doesn't need the money, he's a frigging billionaire! Maybe you should get over the fact the most people don't respect the 'Net and its news providers. Get a real job as a newspaper, TV or magazine reporter. (DAVID NOTE: Been there. Done that.) Or tough it out as a real man. (DAVID NOTE: Lumberjack?) Make the so-called main-stream press respect you and your colleagues. Be a pioneer on the Internet. It's only getting bigger and more widely accepted. Pretty soon TV and the Internet will probably be one entity. Or as accessible as TV is now with faster services and better providers. So, ride the wave of the future. Don't jump off for already established mediums like TV, as your so-called Internet denizen Matt Drudge, who now has his own show. As I'm sure your aware of.

"George Lucas is providing something interesting for you and other Websites. What the hell else would you be talking about, Forces of Nature? Aaahhh, what great copy that'd make. It would draw so many to your Website. George Lucas is probably responsible for 90 percent of the hits to your site. (DN: Nope.) I've seen your site advertised and never was interested to go to it until I saw this link from Dark Horizons about your rant. (DN: Welcome.) You should be happy George doesn't court order the shutdown of all those sites and prevent you from showing your stuff about it, too. You think no one would see it if there was no hype on the 'Net? You better believe it, it's the most anticipated movie series ever. Do you think any bad reviews from people who see it at the press junket are gonna affect sales? Yeah, maybe people won't see it for the seventh time. Be happy that he gives you what he gives you, an audience. Of course he should want to funnel all interest to starwars.com. It's his site. Why let other sites scoop his own, through theft of copyrighted materials.

"I understand your rant. You want to see the movie as soon as you can, like everyone else would. But don't bite the hand that feeds you. Mr. Lucas has done a lot for people in general, whether in entertainment or charities. So, just enjoy the anticipation of these movies and enjoy the ride of watching them. Star Wars is more than just entertainment, it's apart of our social makeup. I think you should read the article in the new Star Wars Insider Magazine with Brian Blessed (he plays Boss Nass in Episode 1) about why Star Wars is so important to the human race."

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E ME: Join the discussion. Or start your own. And thanks to all of you who wrote in with your favorite Chicago movies.