The Hot Button by David Poland

Weekend, 10-11 April 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. TOP OF THE CHARTS TO YA: I was looking at the video rental charts and, no surprise, The Waterboy is still in the No. 1 slot after three weeks. But the stunning number was the $49.78 million in rentals for There's Something About Mary. That's just rental revenue. In just two months! Add in video sales and that's almost as impressive as the movie's box office numbers. Profitability for the video may be the greatest of all 1998 movies. The most surprisingly weak Top 10 finisher? The Rugrats Movie, which managed only $3.1 million for fifth place in its first week of video release. So, the lesson? People will pay to see a TV show on the big screen, but won't rent it to see on their TV? Black is white, white is black.
9. THE RABBIT, NOT THE STUDIO CHIEF: The magic of Harvey, the classic story of a man and his invisible rabbit, isn't so much that Miramax outbid a bunch of other studios to get the rights. The magic is that the sale makes a guy named Don Gregory a major producer of what is likely to be a major, star-driven movie because he picked up rights to the Mary Chase play that spawned the Jimmy Stewart classic in 1996. What feat of genius inspired Gregory? He wanted to do (and did) a TV remake of the classic starring Harry Anderson. Now, it looks like the movie will feature a mega-star who costs more than 10 times what the 1996 TV version of the story cost to produce in total. (Miramax is floating Jim Carrey, Tom Hanks and Adam Sandler, who would be the one really poor choice of the trio. He makes me laugh my ass off, but Sandler can't play a straight-man part.) Ahhh, the magic of Hollywood.
8. OH, WE'RE MOVIN' ON DOWN: Cameron Diaz joined Drew Barrymore as two-thirds of Charlie's Angels: The Motion Picture Event trio. Now that we're done with that important work, we can start making deals for Adam Sandler as Wilbur in Mr. Ed, Ryan Phillippe as Dobie, Ellen DeGeneres as Zelda and Val Kilmer as Maynard J. Krebs in The All-New Dobie Gillis; Gene Hackman, Jim Carrey, Denzel Washington and Matthew McConaughey in The A-Team Movie and Elliot Gould, Donald Sutherland and Robert Duvall in a feature film version of that '70s classic, "M*A*S*H*."
7. IT'S A SMALL WORLD: Variety's Michael Fleming reported this week that Sigourney Weaver might be joining Tim Allen in Galaxy Quest for DreamWorks. Why does this story deserve a number of its own? Well, do you remember who was supposed to direct Galaxy Quest? (THB 2/13, No. 8) That's right, Harold Ramis. And Ramis co-starred with Weaver in what film? That's right, Ghostbusters. It's a world of laughter, a world of tears.
6. UP, UP & AWAY: If you don't live in L.A., you may not care, but ticket prices are taking their annual summer growth hormone again. But this is the first time that L.A. has broken the $8.00 barrier. Starting this week, three AMC theaters are going to $8.50 a ticket. Could it be that these theaters are expecting to get some small summer movie and that by raising prices in April they avoid accusations of starting some sort of price-gouging war? Probably. The usual jump is $.25. This one is $.75, from $7.75 to $8.50. I'm not saying Lucasfilm is encouraging this kind of price jump, but as theaters improve themselves to try and please Mr. Lucas (as they should have with or without his impetus), costs are rising. And now, so are the prices.
5. I WOULD GLADLY PAY YOU TUESDAY FOR A MOVIE STAR TODAY: Universal Studios may finally be coming out its recent slump if expectations for The Mummy, American Pie and Mystery Men hold to give the studio a solid summer for the first time in a while. But the studio faces a dual challenge that reared its head this week. How do you make movies with big-dollar names and still make money? First up, Thomas Harris delivered his sequel, in novel form, to Silence of the Lambs. Jodie Foster (now up to $13 million), Anthony Hopkins (not really retired and a $4 million player), Jonathan Demme (about $5 million) and screenwriter Ted Tally (about $2 million) will all look to nearly double their price tags for the sequel to the Oscar®-winning mega-hit. Hopkins' agents will certainly expect more than double, given that he, Hannibal Lecter, is a cultural icon and will likely be the title character this time out. That's about $35 to $40 million to start, plus a load for the book rights.
But that's nothing compared to Tom Shadyac's effort to bring together $20 million men Will Smith and Nicolas Cage for the comedy, I Now Pronounce You Joe and Benny, the possibility of which Variety's Michael Fleming broke on Friday. Look for this one to be resolved in the now-classic method of Twins, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito and Ivan Reitman all took big gross points in lieu of big up-front dollars. (Shadyac is almost as expensive as the stars are.) But things have changed since then and big players are getting lots of up-front dollars and gross points, too. So, can Universal make money if the talent takes 50 percent off the top domestically? Yeah. On a non-effects comedy like this, costing somewhere around $35 million in actual production "below-the-line" costs, profit for the studio would start somewhere around $200 million worldwide.
4. STONE COLD: On Monday, The Supreme Court of The United States of America (they're out to get me) decided not to stop a lawsuit (using the system against me) against Oliver Stone (patsy) and other folks associated (guilt by association) with Natural Born Killers. Patsy Ann Byers (she must work for The Agency) of Louisiana was shot in 1995 and claims that Sarah Edmondson and Benjamin Darras (poor, victimized innocents), who shot and paralyzed her, were inspired on their crime spree (so misunderstood) by watching NBK (end of clever and/or irritating parentheticals). This is the kind of stupid lawsuit that makes conspiracy buffs like Stone seem perfectly sane. I feel great sympathy for the paralyzed Ms. Byers. But I would rather see her win idiotic millions from McDonald's for a good, old-fashioned coffee scalding rather than see courts allow a case like this, which has no possible outcome in her favor that could lead to anything other than anti-constitutional censorship.
3. STONED AGAIN: Oliver almost killed two birds with one of his names this week. He couldn't get rid of the NBK suit, but the JFK suit against Warner Bros. by the family of the film's central character, Jim Garrison, was settled after three years. The family of the deceased New Orleans D.A., who appeared in the movie, was based on the lack of any money coming from "net points" that were part of Garrison's deal to sell Stone and Warner Bros. his book, "On The Trail of the Assassins" as the basis of the movie JFK. Of course, everyone in Hollywood knows that the odds of seeing money from your net points on a studio film are about the same as those of Monica Lewinsky being hired as Slobodan Milosevic's intern for the summer. Eddie Murphy most famously (and accurately) called them "monkey points." Garrison's heirs settled for a lot less than they were asking for, proving once again that the conspiracy is working. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
2. THE BIG ONE: Barry Diller landed the big fish this week. He'll take most of the assets of PolyGram Filmed Entertainment and October Films and create a hybrid designed to go head-to-head with Disney's Miramax division. He'll start the activities off in about the same place as Miramax was a couple of years ago. No films for more than $30 million for now. Don't expect Diller, the former chief at Fox, to make the mistake most new studios chiefs make by buying too-expensive projects in order to prove themselves as players. Everyone already knows that both of Diller's testicles are bigger than his long-bald cranium. Every studio in town has been gunning for the low-end business made financially viable by Miramax on the art end and New Line of the exploitation side. But none of them, with the minor exception of Sony High's newfound puberty slate, have really been aggressive about taking the lead. Diller will be gunning for the Weinsteins from day one. Hide your Little Gwynnie and your Benigni translator, guys. Big Bad Barry is coming this way.
1. THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENTS: Lucasfilm and Fox set the ground rules for exhibitors who hope to have Star Wars: Episode One -- The Phantom Menace this week. The list was long, but no more excessive on a financial level than many of the demands made for the projected major blockbusters of the last few summers. One of the big differences was a specific limitation on trailers running before the movie -- eight and one-half minutes, two and one-half of which are already occupied by Fox trailers. No more room at the inn. So, in order to accommodate this rule, other studios are already planning to make abbreviated trailers for their summer flicks in order to secure their spots in the rotation in front of the sure-fire top grosser of 1999. Expect big cleverness in a small package from New Line's Austin Powers, Sony's Big Daddy, Warner Bros.' The Wild, Wild West, Disney's Inspector Gadget, Universal's Mystery Men and Paramount's Runaway Bride.
READER OF THE DAY: Lark on Ben (THB 4/08): "Dear Mr. Poland: You must have chosen to print Ben's letter because of the furor it would create. I would like to respond to a few of his points: First of all, I fully agree with you regarding all the 'let's push the envelope and make up a story to fit the CGI' that's coming out these days. I've seen way too many films where I don't feel anything about any of the characters. Secondly, Ben must live in a vacuum if he thinks violence with kids isn't a problem. There are inner city grade schools with metal detectors because children bring guns to class. What about suburbia where two kids find their father's pistol one day and one of them shoots the other? It's not real, they do that in the movies/TV all the time, right? The message is loud and clear: guns are cool. Thirdly, ALL violence in the movies is fake whether CGI or ketchup. Animals don't just drop dead if you shoot them, they jerk uncontrollably until the brain dies and the biological machinery runs out of juice. Not a pretty sight, is that what you want to see, Ben? Is that 'fun'? Watch Clint, Mel, Sly etc. reruns if that's what turns you on and hope that violence doesn't get realistic. BTW, I saw EDtv and thought it was excellent. Thank you."

E ME: Ben's violent urges really pushed Lark's buttons. How about yours? Do you mind seeing movie prices rising or do you still feel that movies are the best bargain entertainment out there? Do you think movies can be held responsible for the actions of people who watch them? (That is, besides using a "chick flick" as foreplay. And while I'm on the subject, do women use testosterone movies as "boy bait?") Any other sitcoms you want to cast?