The Hot Button by David Poland

Weekend, 17-18 April 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

11. ADIOS TO JEN: The editor of the Today section at roughcut.com and my editor for The Hot Button over the last bunch of months, Jen Nowitzky, is heading off to the WCW. I want to thank her for wrestling with this column. I know it's not always easy and it sure isn't quick to get through each day. Between my torturing of the English language and my torturing of big-name stars and studios, Jen has had her hands full. My thanks.
10. MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER: New Line seems to be in a mood to make the most of sloppy seconds these days. Still pursuing the Kevin Costner-starrer Thirteen Days despite the exit of Universal, Sony, Phil Alden Robinson and Francis Ford Coppola, the studio just grabbed a circus picture called Roustabout from Fox 2000, complete with an attachment to Ms. Winona Ryder. Ryder's next film to be released will be (how I love these coincidences) New Line's Lost Souls. Now, a less-politically-correct soul than I would suggest that this could mark the beginning of a beautiful relationship between Winona and New Line's Michael DeLuca. I mean, Matt Damon is good looking and talented and all, but Winona saw Saving Private Ryan. She knows how bad he's going to look in fifty years. DeLuca is young, powerful and a well-known wild man. A perfect match. (You know, I have no idea what got into me with this one. Sometimes, you just get to amuse yourself in this job. And so it goes.)
9. GOODBYE TO YOU: Sometimes, people my own age embarrass me. Mr. Showbiz, which for some reason is really getting on my nerves this week, announced the death of the great Anthony Newly as "Willy Wonka Composer Dies." I'm sure that he'd prefer that to "Rex Harrison's Dr. Dolittle Sidekick Kicks," but Willy Wonka is hardly the highpoint of Newley's career. The man was a hugely successful Broadway composer with "Stop The World, I Want To Get Off" and "The Roar of The Greasepaint, The Smell of The Crowd." He also penned the hit's "What Kind of Fool Am I?," "The Candy Man" and "Goldfinger." He also managed to marry Joan Collins during her Star Trek Green Chick phase. Newley not only co-starred in Dr. Dolittle, he co-wrote the music with his regular partner, Leslie Bricusse. Newly was 67. He will be missed.

8. GOODBYE TO TWO: Flags were at half-staff this week in Hollywood. Pamela Anderson had her breast implants removed. This column hates to say "I told you so" (that's a lie), but I forecasted the end of the big breast era just a couple of months ago (THB 2/17). Someone from Maxim wrote to let me know that they were, indeed, committed to shapely cover queens, but to paraphrase Field of Dreams, "If you don't build it, they won't come." So, Pamela will soon be down to a miniscule 36 inch bust. And her former implants will become the ultimate bits of show business memorabilia. If Dorothy's ruby slippers are worth $75,000, can you imagine what these floaties will bring? And, on a side note of interest, the stock price of Kimberly-Clark, makers of Kleenex, was suprisingly up 11/16ths. And if you don't get the joke, you don't want to.
7. HOLE & HOLES: Courtney Love is becoming a producer. She and her partner, Janet Billig, have started Epitome Films, which will produce I Think We're Alone Now, a coming of sex story about two teens. The film will be paid for by Miramax, who continue to work the hip side of the room. One thing is for sure. Rose McGowan will not be playing the female lead. If I were Courtney's publicist extraordinaire, Pat Kingsley, I would retire (as has been rumored) before the rumors start flying off of that set. Holes is the name of a project that Andy Davis, of The Fugitive fame and Chain Reaction shame, is planning to direct. And it's cheap, unlike his recent forays. Davis told Variety, "It's got a great sense of Americana and history, and, thankfully, it doesn't have to be made for a lot of money." Can you smell a theme building?

6. BART BASH OF THE WEEK: I missed Peter Bart's column this week about George Lucas. So much so, I sought it out. And lo and behold, it was obnoxious and inaccurate. Frankly, I'm not even sure exactly what Bart is trying to say. Could it be "You're better off by going along to get along."? Or "Gee, I wish I or anyone else on the planet had your autonomy, which you wanted and were smart enough to get, that your old pal Francis Ford Coppola wishes he had so he didn't have to get dragged back to L.A. to make movies that he doesn't really want to make (as a rule) so he can afford his big-ticket lifestyle?" Or maybe it's just, "You're pissing off the people who want to see you reined in, big boy?" I'm betting on the last one. What was completely inaccurate was that Lucas is burying his producer, Rick McCallum, from public view. McCallum is talking to media and he just did a Yahoo! Chat for starwars.com and is planning another. Please write me if I ever get as pompous as Bart. (Some of you already have.)

5. BEATING THE TABLOIDS: You can be spreading good old-fashioned Hollywood sex gossip months before the National Enquirer and The Star get rolling. Natasha Henstridge, the blonde sex piranha from Species, just got hired to work opposite Bruce Willis on The Whole Nine Yards. How long will it take Willis to engage Henstridge in the conversion of yards to inches? Not long. This is a woman who slept with Jean Claude Van Damme on their film because she thought "he was nice." (She's about the only person in the business who would describe the man -- who's accent makes Arnold Schwarzenegger's seem comprehensible by comparison -- that way.) It's not so long ago that Charlize Theron was probably hired as "a cheaper Natasha Henstridge." In this case, I suspect that Henstridge is "a cheaper Charlize Theron." How the world turns.

4. FROM THE LAND OF CAMERONS: The last piece of the Spider-Man puzzle is finally coming together as an L.A. judge has said that he'll decide on Monday who gets the TV rights to the potential film. But indeed, as speculation has run, Sony will have to wait a couple of years if it intends to have Cameron drop back into the project. That's because everyone involved is now very publicly talking about T3, which, according to Arnold Schwarzenegger, J.C. (there is argument about whether Cameron isn't reading meaning other than his initials into those initials these days) is at home working on the script as I type. Arnold didn't tell me alone. He made the comment at the opening event for Universal Studios Hollywood's T2 3-D: Battle Across Time. This show, which came with a reputation from it's Orlando-based version, is an extraordinary 3-D experience. Like the recent success of IMAX movies which has turned Hollywood's heads, this is the kind of experience that makes 3-D seem like a viable format to resurrect. Mostly because it actually works. The glasses aren't stupid. The effect is not just a stick coming out towards you, but the sense that spaceships and the like are actually inches away from you, interacting with you. Very cool.

3. CAMERON DISCARDS: Another columnist on another site reports that Will Smith was interested for a moment in starring in Michael Bay's Phone Booth. The idea that Smith bailed because there wasn't enough back-end money is likely false, as there was really nothing but back-end on the picture. You see, Michael Bay wants to launch a new career as an arthouse director and the total budget for Phone Booth was intended to be $10 million. Yes, more than 20 times less than the budget of Armageddon and probably about 10 times less than Bay's budget on Planet of the Apes, for which he was picked by Fox as Cameron's replacement. My natural urge is to mock Bay's artistic pretenses, but you have to figure that this is a critical time for Bay. High budget, big star vehicles, Bay's specialty, are in the danger zone these days. Not that the studios aren't still greenlighting them, but not as many. And for all the excitement over Armageddon breaking the $200 million domestic figure, that film is really the film that started the new financial conservatism (and more importantly, the image of conservatism). You may remember the infamous 1990 Katzenberg Memo that predicted Disney's fall from live-action grace due to the increasing costs of high-concept films. That memo, which turned out to be dead-on despite all the naysaying at the time, was centered around Dick Tracy, which grossed $104 million domestic and was still a major financial disappointment. This time, Armageddon is the film, grossing $200 million domestic and $542 worldwide so far, but likely to turn a profit of less than $100 million overall. That may seem like a lot, but a return of less than half your investment on a huge-grosser is not good.

2. ONE MORE GROSS BUTTON: People often want to talk about which actor is really worth $20 million. There is a very tangible reason why Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone have fallen off the map lately. It's because even though they are able to draw $20 million or more worth of crowds to their films, they make hugely expensive projects. Investing in them starts with their salaries and then adds a minimum of $75 to $100 million to the actual production costs. Robin Williams is a serious cash cow, but has turned up in a number of projects, like this year's Where Dreams May Come and next year's Bicentennial Man, that have such high production price tags that Williams becomes insurance rather than a profit guarantee. Which brings me to the man who I think has been the biggest bargain at $20 million out there. Jim Carrey. The reason Carrey is cheap at $20 million is that he embodies the special effects himself. His first "problem film," Batman Forever, was financially bloated beyond his control. The Cable Guy seemed expensive when it was made, but it made a small profit only because of Carrey. And The Truman Show wasn't cheap. But Carrey took a cut in his upfront pay to do that film. Warner Bros. and Steve Oedekerk reportedly parted ways when Warner Bros. asked him to cut back on a budget of over $100 million for The Incredible Mr. Limpet. I am told that the truth is that Warner Bros. was looking for a way to lose Oedekerk so they could hire on Harold Ramis, who they were high on with Analyze This about to hit theaters. But even if they are really anxious about the budget, they were right to be. Jim Carrey with a $20 to $40 million production budget is a walking goldmine, even with his upfront fee and big back-end. Just ask Fox, who is hiring him for the next Farrelly Bros. movie. He will cost $20 million. And the brothers will cost more than $10 million. And still, this film will cost Fox less than $75 million, probably less than $60 million. Cha-f*ing-ching!

1. SCREEN WARS: The decision about which screens Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace will play was made on Wednesday. Well, kind of. Let's say that most of the decisions were made. I can't speak for the entire nation, but thanks to the reporting of Andrew Hindes of The Hollywood Reporter, I can give you some perspective on the Lucasfilm/Fox choices in Los Angeles. There aren't too many great public screens in L.A. The big screen at Mann's Chinese, Mann's Village, Mann's National, Pacific's Cinerama Dome and the biggest screen at Loews Cineplex's Century Plaza Cinemas. Those are the five screens that were worthy. Four of them share a zone, which is a pre-determined area of any given city. Distributors tend to give films to only one theater in any given zone. So, how did Lucasfilm do? The Chinese, the Village and The Century Plaza will all get the film. I will assume that Lucasfilm will limit their playdates at the two multi-plexes to the big theater at The Chinese and the two good theaters (if they allow both) at the Century Plaza. AMC, which runs some of the nicest multi-plexes in town -- even if they don't have the single best stand-out screens -- are miffed. Surprise. The only major change I would make would be to demand that Mann run the film at both the Village and the National in Westwood for the first four weeks. That would give them the best jerry-rigged multi-plex on the planet. It would also allow twice as many people to see the film in the first few weeks in a city where people go to movies in huge numbers. It would also use one of the other best screens in town. Other zones, like Santa Monica, also went Mann's way. But in that case, again, Lucasfilm was right. On the other hand, if AMC didn't get the film in Woodland Hills, for instance, something is wrong. Perhaps the most interesting location out here is the massive Ontario Mills mall where there are two competing mega-plexes with a combined total of 52 screens (one AMC, one Edwards) within about 150 yards of one another. Edwards won that battle and it might have something to do with their IMAX screen. THAT may be worth the 50 minute trip out to the mall. And Edwards isn't the only winner in Ontario. Steven Spielberg's Gameworks video game outlet at the mall, right next to the theaters, could take more cash in during the multi-hour waits for the film than the movie makes at that location. Again, Cha-f*ing-ching!
READERS OF THE DAY: This from Zig on Lawsuit Madness: "I'm going to sue the makers of Superman for making me think I can fly. I'm going to go fight 10 people in a pool hall and, after getting my ass kicked, sue Steven Seagal. I'm going to sue the makers of Freddy Kruger on the basis that I am now disabled and can't earn a living because I am afraid to sleep at night. I'm going to sue "South Park" for making me think I can kill myself and be re-animated for the next episode. I'll sue Steven Spielberg for making me afraid to go into the ocean. I'll also sue Sylvester Stallone for making me think I can take on the state police, the national guard and the Vietnamese army with a pocket knife. I can probably go on for an hour, but I have a paper to write and I think my point is made."

E ME: You writing to me? You writing to me? You must be writing to me because there's no one else here reading your e-mail.