Thursday, 10 June 1999

REEL UGLY: I've been promising a look at Reel Source for days now and once again, I'm going to put it on hold. Why? Because Robert Bucksbaum threatened to sue me. Why did he threaten to sue me? Because I called up and asked for information on the company based on the false pretense that I was interested in subscribing. Guilty as charged. Bring on the lawsuit. As Bucksbaum screamed and screamed at me, he never did answer my questions about how he did his projections or why anyone should take a projection about any film past the next weekend or two seriously in any way, shape or form. But he did question my integrity, the validity of being a columnist on the Internet and whether I was envious of his business. I don't think there are a lot of people left who doubt my integrity (even when they disagree with me vehemently), the Internet is my chosen forum and I've been involved in businesses like his in the past and got out because I couldn't take enough showers in a day to get the film off of my body and soul. I will tell you this. I've been in show business for more than 15 years. I've been in the journalism game for more than 8 years. The only time I've ever been yelled at like that or threatened with legal action was when I was being lied to in a big way. I don't actually think that Bucksbaum lied to me in our conversation, but that wasn't cool confidence either. I'm going to take a step back, make some more phone calls on this guy and his company (located at P.O. Box 492329) and do the story, probably next Tuesday. I have to admit it. I love a good fight. But it would be unfair to Bucksbaum and to you all not to be as objective as possible on this, threats or not.

THE FARRELLYS & COLUMBINE: I'm told that the Farrelly Brothers are contrite about the Columbine joke that they (even though it came out of Bobby's mouth) told upon accepting the Best Movie Award at the prestigious MTV Movie Awards. And the biggest part of me thinks that's too bad. The joke was, as it used to be called, too hip for the room. That's the irony of the Farrelly's work is that for all its broad stupidity, it often works because of the subtext. Even gags as broad as catching one's male parts in a zipper or horrifyingly shriveled, elongated and over-tanned old-lady breasts have a foundation in our history as an audience, wincing and laughing at things as much because we can relate to them because of the grotesquerie. Their Columbine joke reflected on the attacks from Washington, which have made Natural Born Killers and There's Something About Mary the poster children for "What's wrong with Hollywood." So in winning, like others who bring up WWII Vets or Holocaust victims, Bobby Farrelly brought up Columbine with: "...Next time some high-school kid breaks up with his girlfriend...[and]...wipes out half his classmates, maybe he'll think of us." (Thanks to Reuters/Variety for the transcription.) Maybe you think that's funny. Maybe you don't. But it speaks in the most sophisticated of comedic ways to the insanity of the current Hollywood witch hunt. (And I feel free to use "witch hunt" because there is no witch...this time.) Just goes to show, you have to be pretty damned careful about what room you're working, not to mention taking care to be sure that an audience wants to work that hard to figure out the joke. And watch for "angry students" to become the next "angry postmen" in jokes everywhere starting in about 3 months.

A PAC-O LIES: Beloved Mexican game show host Francisco "Paco" Stanley was shot five times in his car in broad daylight on Monday. When police arrived, they found cocaine and a cocaine grinder in the car. Congressmen immediately called for an inquiry into the detrimental effects of game shows and vowed to stop the import of grinders to the U.S. When asked about the guns that both the killers and Mr. Stanley had, the word "pinko" was muttered by several congressmen. (In truth, there was no reaction in Congress, that I've heard of. But had this happened in L.A., I bet this would be close to the reaction.)

SSSSHHHH: You know I have some problems with Slick Willie Clinton, but it looks like the silence of Spielberg and others in the Hollywood elite came with an understanding that Bubba was going to find a way to give Congress a bone without actually doing anything to the Hollywood system. And sure enough, toughening up the restrictions on carding for "R" rated movies is just that. Nothing. Of course, Variety has to go off and ask executives what they thought of this nothing-that's-supposed-to-be-something and now, maybe Congress will figure out that they are being duped by the Slickster again. Just say, "We've handled the problem" three times as you tap the backs of your loafers and you'll be back in Washington.

ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE: No one from AICN has responded to Wednesday's rant, so I know that they're really upset. That wasn't the point. The point was to look past the personal to the philosophical, even if the person did get a bit skewered. That said, here's another great AICN story that sprouted from a question posed by L.A. Times critic Ken Turan, "Couldn't Harry Knowles just have been ignored?" Bill Mechanic responded, "To answer Ken, it was ignored. Some producers or marketing people did focus on it. Basically, we still ignore it. The only thing we don't ignore it on are movies where we can use it. He knows that I have tight security on some of these movies, so 2 weeks ago, Michael Mann who was using the Fox lot for a Disney picture (has a screening). Harry did a line-by-line review of the movie, revealing all the plot surprises and then wrote, "So f**k you, Bill Mechanic." So, I wrote back, "F**k you, it's not my movie." This proves two things. Harry is human and Fox is paying attention to him, even as they say they are ignoring him.

"T3, Bart Wars and Duran Duran"