Weekend, 10-11 July 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. Some Whining: Oh how I wish there were any real news to report on this week. I mean, it's been lame, lame, lame. Katzenberg and Disney settle. Is there any real news there? No. Speculation, including mine, is pretty much moot. There were even people suggesting that Eisner was going to be brought down by this settlement. Or his top legal eagle, Sandy Litvack. What the hell are they talking about? Ovitz' exit was a debacle. This was a too-long-in-coming resolution to a standard contractual conflict. The stock price won't be affected. The studio has something a lot more serious to be concerned about, the profitability of its live action film division. After a $200 million-plus investment in Armageddon last year, which returned maybe $100 million in profit, there wasn't enough to cover the films that were losers. Actually, the studio's five live action releases leading up to Summer of Sam did surprisingly well, in my estimation. That is, considering that three of the five were virtually unwatchable. But now we have a run of Inspector Gadget, The Thirteenth Warrior (it's hard to believe that the studio bean counters haven't already planned the writedown on this one), The Sixth Sense (better be good...very odd release date for a Bruce Willis movie that they think will do business) and the troubled and delayed Mumford and Mystery, Alaska as well. The Michael Mann tobacco movie could bail them out. Cradle Will Rock had better be a legit Oscar® contender. And as usual, animated film, Toy Story 2, seems the only sure bet the rest of the way. Of course, live-action won't bring down Michael Eisner either. It's funny to me that people have forgotten that when Eisner came to Disney, his first focus was on the theme parks. That's where the money is. That's where the vulnerability is. With animation strong, ABC continuing to maneuver its way to synergy (the great failed concept of the decade) and the parks picking up, Michael Eisner will continue to reign. The great question is,. What happens if Eisner, Walt forbid, gets racked up with a more serious cardiac incident? It's been time for him to build a supporting team for himself for half a decade. Maybe now he'll have the time to actually do it.

9. Reverend Bemis Is Dead: Ronnie Graham, one of those guys who you saw in every single Mel Brooks film, but whose name you could never remember, passed away this week at 79. He was not only a performer, but an important Brooks collaborator, receiving writing credits on To Be or Not To Be and Spaceballs. Perhaps he will be remembered best as Jew #2 in History of the World, Part 1. Ronny Graham will be missed, even if his name isn't.

8. Alternative Casting: Gods & Monsters writer/director Bill Condon will next direct Queen Bess, the story of beauty queen Bess Myerson (who, coincidentally, used to date my father). Condon just can't stay away from movie queens, can he? (Can Sir Ian McKellen play Myerson? I mean, he's a great actor and Brits are known for their versatility and their love of drag, but in the end, he's probably a little too tall.)

7. Skating Into Trouble: In Bogota, Columbia, the Disney-based ice show, Hercules on Ice was canceled after a series of phone threats. Apparently, the caller would prefer to see Hercules on Snow.

6. The MGM/Miramax Deal: Written about that already. Read that. (THB 7/8)

5. It's a Puzo-lement: Mario Puzo's death seems to have sealed the fate of the Rumor of the Week, a Godfather 4 starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Despite vicious rumors started by agents, the death was not really Mike Ovitz' new AMG Management method for "killing" rumors. On the other hand, George Lucas might want to have a bodyguard around the house if Leo doesn't want to do Star Wars: Episode 2 -- The Skinny Adolescent.

4. Getting The Bird: The rash of bird attacks against bronzed, beautiful celebrities continues. First, Fabio gets it in the kisser. Now, Sophia Loren has been attacked by a cockatoo (a bird that's a funny accent away from being a much better story). Unlike Fabio, Ms. Loren did not require a trip to the hospital. Warnings should be sent to Robert Wagner, George Hamilton and Salma Hayek immediately.

PAGE TWO: "More Lame News From A Lame News Week"