Tuesday, 13 July 1999

Greetings from New York, where the heat is real and the scent of garbage is abundant. Funny thing is, I love this city. I'm staying in my cousin's three bedroom closet down in Chinatown. So I can comfort myself when anything goes wrong because "It's Chinatown." Thursday morning I fly back on Tower Air, the worst airline money can buy. It's like a running joke. I say to people, "I hate this terrible flight..." and they interrupt, "You took Tower Air?" Amazing. Anything to save Ted Turner some money.

RETRO-HOLLYWOOD: With Drew and Cameron and we'll see who else doing Charlie's Angels: The Movie and with remakes of The Haunting and The House on Haunted Hill on their way and now the announcement of Death Race 3000, doesn't it seem that a new generation of Hollywood is going back to it's Pac-Man and Polyester roots? I mean, really, how long before Martin Lawrence decides to do Hong Kong Phooey: The Motion Picture? And when will they realize that real-life couple Reese Witherspoon must play Jeannie to Ryan Phillipe's Major Nelson with Seth Green goofing around as Roger Healy and Dennis Leary as Dr. Bellows? Of course, we'll know the whole thing is out of control when George Clooney ends up back in The Facts of Life: The Movie.

BUSTING DOWN THE DOORS: Variety's Chris Petrikin was one of the many uninvited media guests at Herb Allen's annual Sun Valley "retreat" for media power players and reported on the building dance of reporters trying to find a moment to get a story and the moguls truly finding out the meaning of "retreat." Petrikin reports approaches in bathrooms or, in the case of Sony's Nobuyuki Idei, while napping in the lobby. Charming. So what light did the media's presence shed on this event. Pretty much, none. Ken Auletta, who was invited to attend (as were Diane Sawyer, Charlie Rose and Tom Brokaw) will surely write up a great story for the New Yorker. And Rose will surely softball in taped interviews with power players as he did recently for a week from a computer event. Did it ever occur to us that maybe we should just leave these folks alone sometimes? Is there no reasonable privacy? Or is this destined to be turned into a media event, like so many film festivals, no longer about anything but selling, selling, selling. I'm not saying I love deals to take over the world being made in smoky rooms, but I can live without knowing that Fox talked to Canal Plus this weekend. Can you?

MORE AVERTED EYES: I avoided most of David Ansen's review of Eyes Wide Shut to stay away from reading the entire story of the movie. But I needed to get this clip about the digitally obscured sex (thanks to TVH for the heads up): "...Kubrick had to alter to avoid an NC-17 rating. He inserted digitalized figures to obscure the sexual activity, which he had shot discreetly and distantly. The effect is, frankly, annoying and ludicrous. In one of the last "Friday the 13th" horrors, the monster Jason punches the head off one of his victims. With the censors it's decapitation yes, copulation no." Like Daily Variety, The Hollywood Reporter shied away from any negativity about the CG fix: "There is an orgy scene -- with 65 seconds of various copulating couples obscured by digitally inserted partygoers to get an R-rating -- but it comes and goes quickly with an hour still to go in the film (not at the end, as has been erroneously reported)." That's about it there. Again, you can read Roger Ebert's take here.

THUMBS NO MORE: Speaking of Roger, there will only be one thumb in town now that the folks at "Siskel & Ebert" have decided where the show is headed after the millennium. The show will now be called "Roger Ebert & The Movies" and though it will feature a guest co-host every week, the Pope of Greenwich Village rules will be in effect. ("Rog-ah, de took my tumb!") The quote of the week may have to go to Disney's Mary Kellogg, who told Time Magazine, "In respect to Gene, we're not allowing other people to use the thumbs right now. Things may change this fall, but for the time being those sitting across the aisle should not have access to the thumbs." Aaaaaaay!

JUST WONDERING: Dare I say anything nice about The Phantom Menace lest I be assaulted by angry e-mail? Aw, what the hell?! The film broke opening weekend records in Japan last weekend and a report by The Hollywood Reporter says that audiences are "mostly satisfied." Sorry.

THE BIG FIX: Elton John's heart, Jack Nicholson's windshield and Mick Jagger's love life all had to be fixed this week. Yawn. Now if Leif Garrett were to be picked up on drug charges, that would be...oh, he was?...oh. I guess that wasn't that interesting either.

AM I RESPONSIBLE?: I've been writing about the potential end of DreamWorks after they decided not to have a baby studio to save the marriage for more than a week. And I've heard the story, with changes here and there, repeated back to me a half dozen times since. Really creepy. The "DreamWorks takes over Universal" thing is an old saw, but have you guys and gals seen the "End of DreamWorks" theme in other places lately? As self-serving as the question may seem, I'd really like to know.

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