Friday, 30 July 1999

WEEKEND PREVIEW

This weekend offers a stark contrast to the ugly bluster of last weekend's combo of The Haunting and Inspector Gadget. Yeah, there is still a lot of bluster and some distinct ugly, but there is also the low-tech surefire hit Runaway Bride. The Blair Witch Project will emerge as a serious box office player. Or not. And for those looking for style pretty much over substance, Deep Blue Sea will skew older and Mystery Men will skew younger.

The thing about the weekend overall is that you are likely to have a good time at any of the new movies you choose. That is, assuming that you actually want to see them and you aren't being dragged along. If you don't like Hollywood-style, slick, hokey romantic comedies, you better not go see Runaway Bride. If you do, your range of enjoyment will go from "liked it" to "my favorite ever." If you don't think a fart joke is funny, and bickering between Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo is not for you, stay away from Mystery Men. But if you're into rock-n-roll, and farting makes you lose control, this could be one of your favorite silly comedies of the year. Are you going to tell your friends all about what would really happen if you tried to grow a shark's brain to four times its normal size? Then you are going to hate Deep Blue Sea. Does the sight of people being ripped in two by a shark make you peek through your fingers and scream? Then pay your money and have a great time. Does intentionally bad camerawork and people talking a lot define a bad movie for you? Then you might want to be careful about The Blair Witch Project. But if you like being creeped out and enjoy the ride more than the result, this might be one of your favorite horror movies ever.

For my box office analysis and guesses for this weekend, check out Box Office Extra at noon, EST

THE GOOD : Runaway Bride is a charming, fun way to spend a couple of hours. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere play their quintessential selves, though they spin the Pretty Woman relationship on its axis. Joan Cusack gives a sparkling performance that stands as one of her best ever. And Garry Marshall, for all of his weaknesses as a director, adds his little touches of style (cute little kids, continuing to cast 40-something Jane Morris in romantic opposition to men as old as the 71-year-old Paul Dooley) that do add to the movie. There are times when you just wish he had more visual acuity. But he does get what he needs from his actors and doesn't get in the way of the story, and that's not a bad thing given the propensity for directors to try to impress everyone with their prowess all the time these days.

Yeah, you know what's coming. But you want it to come. Plus, beyond the aforementioned actors, you get great moments from Christopher Meloni, Laurie Metcalfe and Larry Miller. (There should be a sign in the lobby saying, "No Whispering `That's The Mean Guy From The Clothing Store in Pretty Woman...you know, the one who did that sucking up thing.' during the film.") I could get into the guts of this film and come up with flaws, but what's the point? Unlike Notting Hill, I did buy this relationship. I did feel the human transition of two people needing this adventure to find themselves. I just wish Garry Marshall had kept them from making as much pleasant contact so early in the film. We all know where it is going, but if they weren't going to do anything with the early attraction, they should have built up the animosity.

THE GOOD & THE BAD : Mystery Men is a film that will get ripped by a lot of critics. It is hit-and-miss. It is silly as hell and the biggest laughs do come from Paul Rueben's Spleen. (What does the spleen do in the human body?) On the other hand, there are laughs from beginning to end. Claire Forlani plays a small role that stays a small role and shows some hope for the actress who was as emotionless as Brad Pitt's Joe Black/Death. You've gotta decide you will like this and then you can have fun.

For instance, Hank Azaria's Blue Raja doesn't do much for me. But his scenes with his mom, played by Louise Lasser, are really sweet and weirdly funny. Kel Mitchell's Invisible Boy is pretty much invisible throughout the film. But then he pays off. Wes Studi's Sphinx is kind of powerfully off-center, but not quite tough enough, but somehow benefits from never being able to be provoked to anger. Janeane Garofalo is perfect from beginning to end, a review that I think will be the norm and will probably embarrass the heck out of her. William H. Macy is terrifically earnest as The Shoveler and it is wonderful to see him married to Jenifer Lewis. And Greg Kinnear is surprisingly dead-on as the self-involved Captain Amazing.

Ben Stiller's character arc doesn't give him a chance until the end. Geoffrey Rush is not given a lot of good stuff to do and we'll have to wait until The House on Haunted Hill to see him really chew scenery. Lena Olin is barely in the movie, if that. Eddie Izzard is also wasted, but his group of bad guys, The Disco Boys, is a great moment in cinema. On the surreal side, watch for the two-line appearance of director Michael Bay of Armageddon as the head of the evil group The Frat Boys. (The line referring to The Frat Boys almost being suspended for "reckless endangerment of life" is an odd joke about Bay's on-set troubles with stunt guys dying, the most recent of which was a helicopter death a couple of years ago that really wasn't Bay's fault.) There are also some extremely quick cameos from Pras, Jodi Watley and Stacey Travis. And Tom Waits does a great Tom Waits.

And now, my visiting family reviews the movies. Will Alli talk this time? We'll see!

Amy, age 34: "It was like "Romper Room". It was so silly. It cracked me up. I like The Spleen (laughs). Anything that Paul Ruebens does is funny. I don't care who he is. He's brilliant. But we all knew that. Getting caught in a Sarasota theater like he did...he has to be brilliant! (laughs)"

Charlie, age 10: "It was really funny. I liked when they went out to fight Casanova Frankenstein. My favorite character was Invisible Boy or Mr. Furious."

Alli, Age 8: "I though it was really good. It was funny. I liked the characters. I love The Spleen! I also like Mr. Furious. I loved how The Spleen...every time he said, "If you want to see my powers, pull my finger." I like his power. And Mr. Furious, he was always so mad at people, even if they didn't do anything."

Thank you, Alli.

THE UGLY: It's a big time for spin at the studios. The rumor that DreamWorks is coming to an end is becoming one of those "You mean, you haven't heard?" things. But it is still just conjecture. That said, DreamWorks is working overtime to combat the rumor, though not remotely head on. First we had Bernie Weinraub's wet kiss in the New York Times and now, suddenly, there is a piece in the New York Post entitled "DreamWorking just fine." Basically, the piece mentions The Haunting leading the box office, the Cameron Crowe movie coming, American Beauty (their hype spin was Spacey's Broadway appearance) and Sigourney Weaver in Galaxy Quest, a film that couldn't keep a director for months until settling on Dean Parisot, a very nice guy. No news here. No nothing. But spin.

Meanwhile at Sony, the fiscal first quarter results for the film business were down about 20 percent from the year before. So, where did the blame lie? They put it at the feet of Idle Hands, singling it out in the report. WHAT?!?!? I will happily single the film out on my Worst of 1999 list, but to hold it as anything but a blip on the financial radar is downright insane! The five pictures of the quarter, in order of gross are Go, The 13th Floor, Idle Hands and Limbo. Of course, Big Daddy, which opened for only five days of the quarter, contributed $58.6 million of the total box office gross for the quarter or almost twice the $34.2 million of all four other films combined. But the only reason to point out Idle Hands as the big drain is that the future synergy of the company does not rely on director Roman Flender. The biggest loser was The Thirteenth Floor, but that film was a Centropolis movie and the studio is relying on Devlin and Emmerich to fill the pipeline with big movies for years to come. Limbo was a box office loser, but it was also the launch of Screen Gems, so you don't want to tear that down. Idle Hands was a loser, but to the tune of about $10 to $15 million, maybe. That's less then two percent of sales of a division that fell 20 percent. Yeah, it's Idle Hands' fault. The other point of note is how tiny the movie grosses are against the sales of the film division. They probably don't even use the grosses to calculate sales, but the rentals. Even so, the domestic grosses for the quarter are about 10 percent of total sales for the quarter. Without the start for The Waterboy, they would have been less than 6 percent.

Last, but hoping not to be least, I got wind of some silliness about The Blair Witch Project now being projected to gross $80 million. First, I read about someone who read a story in the New York Daily News and that person spun it to be: "The Blair Witch Project could be the most profitable film in history!" Please! Anyway, that got me to the New York Daily News, where I read the original story. And what mook was predicting an $80 million gross for the movie? Who else? Robert Bucksbaum. And of course, he was using the royal "We" as usual, suckering poor reporter Lewis Beale into thinking that someone who wasn't a self-promoting fool really believed that was going to happen. Bucksy adds injury to insult by basing this estimate on a $15 million opening, assuming that Blair Witch would be the unusual film that would do more than five times its opening gross. Of course, the $15 million opening is unlikely to start. What Bucksbaum does say is, "This will be the biggest moneymaker in domestic revenues of any film this year." So, he has already determined that there won't be a film to net $65 million on domestic only in 1999. Any basis for this? NO! Any rationale for this? NO! Unless your rationale is Robert Bucksbaum wants to be quoted. Star Wars revenues, domestic side alone, will be over $150 million. Austin Powers revenues, domestic side alone, will be over $90 million. (And I am being conservative on all of these numbers.) Big Daddy's revenues, domestic side alone, will be around $70 million. Shall I go on?

The saddest part of this is that I like this movie and I have gone out of my way to support this movie, but all the hype has gone so far beyond the control of anyone connected with the movie that I now end up sounding like I don't like the movie at all and that I want to hurt it somehow. I don't. I really like what the filmmakers and Artisan have done. I don't object to the gamesmanship involved. But guys like Bucksbaum always seem to find a way to push the bull of it all too far for me to remain silent anymore.

QUOTE WHORING USA + BAD AD WATCH + READER OF THE DAY = : Chris B offers up "Quote Whoring For Dummies:

The Thomas Crown Affair: "Enough Pierce Brosnan and espionage to whet my homosexual desires for James Bond until this November! That's right! I'm coming out of the closet!"- Joey from the boy band N'SYNC

Muppets From Space: "Skip Inspector Gadget and see it twice!" - Entertainment Time-Out

Dick: "It's Clueless meets Nixon only not very funny; ** out of ****!" - Roger Ebert

The Iron Giant: "This is actually a really good movie! No, really! It's about a boy and a giant robot! Why won't you believe me?" - Gene Shalit

Teaching Mrs. Tingle: "The single most fantasmic moviegonging insperience in years. I was geniunely tucked!" - Mike Tyson, who knows where I live.

Teaching Mrs. Tingle: "Two Thumbs Up!" - Dean Koontz and Stephen King

Teaching Mrs. Tingle: "A heartwarming family film. The feel-good hit of the summer! Wasn't Tom Selleck a teacher in In & Out?" - Rosie O'Donnell

Teaching Mrs. Tingle: "Great flick. I'm gay!" - Joey from N'SYNC"

E ME:Thank you, Chris. I'll send Joey from N'SYNC's lawyer to your e-mail address. (Who is Joey from N'SYNC?) There are lots of movies for you to opine upon. Let me hear it all weekend long.