Weekend, 7-8 August 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. J3 By J-Squared: I think it is great news that Joe Johnston is taking over the dino-reins of Jurassic Park 3. Johnston is a guy who can lay on the emotion, but he doesn't do it quite as cutely as Mr. Spielberg. He always finds a way to do it so it isn't jarring. And he can handle action, especially contained action, with the best of them. This is not a radical departure for the series, but it may bring some real vigor back into the storytelling. As I wrote back then, I felt that The Lost World was the only Spielberg movie that Spielberg really didn't love making. It was just another old rabbit being pulled out of his old bag of tricks. Johnston has long been an overlooked director in this town. An insiders favorite. Kind of the Frank Oz of action. He's worked his way up, a lost art in this town, and I, for one, wish him the best. And that's something I never expected to write about anyone making a third Jurassic Park movie.

9. In Good Hugh-Mor: Lew Irwin, who I often have some troubles with analytically, knocked out a verbatim report about Thursday's deeply tongue-in-cheek Hugh Grant interview on CNN that reminds me just how shallow the interviewing pool has become: Question: "How did you get started?" Grant: "I was one of the girls in the Von Trapp family in The Sound of Music. You know, a white dress with a blue satin sash. And I thought I was especially good as that." Question: "You've changed film making, contributed so much to it, and I wondered what movie changed your life?" Grant: "Well, I suppose there've been various seminal movies in my life. Mary Poppins was probably the first one that I was obsessed with." Question: "Your next film coming up is with Woody Allen...." Grant: "He was pretty seminal."

8. Cuba, Good (No Jr.): This is the first time I remember this happening quite like this. We are having a return to a return to the '60s in the development offices of studios all over town lately. More specifically, movies are returning to Cuba. Mike DeLuca at New Line fought to get rolling on the "Missiles of October" drama Thirteen Days against a tide of "creative differences." And now Ron Howard and his partner Brian Grazer (a true equal in a true partnership, rare in this business) are putting together Bay of Pigs, another part of our history with Cuba. Perhaps it's because Cuba is a hot destination right now with the terminally hip and there is a sense that the island nation will once again be a normal vacation destination as soon as Fidel Castro passes on to that great tobacco plantation in the sky. Maybe we just don't have anyone left to fight in the movies.

7. Kinky Mouseketeer: You know, it's hard to resist a good story about a Disney employee who works as a dominatrix on the side. I just hate indulging in this level of gossipy garbage, but it's too damned funny and it is a very slow news week. It turns out, according to the New York Post's Page 6, that a copy editor at family.com, a Disney company, spends her evenings as a dominatrix and advertises said proclivities over the 'Net as well. Mistress Scarlett, as she is known with a whip in her hand, has a wide range of services available. Prices range from $250 to $1000 an hour. My favorite part of the story is the company's response: "Asked if Disney was aware of its employee's life as a dominatrix, a company spokesperson said, "Clearly, we keep tabs on the quality of family.com, not the private lives of our employees." When informed that the employee was a professional dominant who got paid for her services, the spokesperson said, "I don't even know what that means." Perhaps Mistress Scarlett's discovery is why Jeff Wells is leaving Disney-parented Mr. Showbiz for different pastures. Teamwork is everything. And that Wells, he's a kinky devil.

6. Pushing Tom: Is Pat Kingsley nervous for her client Tom Cruise after Eyes Wide Shut couldn't sustain any real box office? A story showed up on The New York Post gossip page Friday about how Cruise called up P.T. Anderson "begging" for a role in Anderson's Magnolia. How very humble. Don't get me wrong. I think that Cruise's work with Kubrick and his willingness to stand by the director and his film was as admirable as anything any major actor has done in a long time. And I don't think that anyone will need to back away from Eyes Wide Shut in the books of film history. But while Cruise may have really wanted a role in Magnolia, he ended up getting a nice piece of the movie for his two weeks work. This was no gift. You see, agents who have superstar clients who have been stuck on one low-paying picture by a genius director for over a year don't really do humble. They spend that year sharpening their cutlery.

5. Go Back: Speaking of Eyes Wide Shut, this has been a big fat week for the movie in this column. For The Blair Witch Project too. If you haven't read my 3000-plus word look at Eyes, here's another chance (click here for Working Hollywood). And if you haven't read the massive 6-page Readers Rant & Rave on Blair Witch and EWS from Wednesday, here too another chance (Click here.) This has been a public service announcement from the Self Promotion And Slow News Week Association.

4. Empty Nest Syndrome: My family has left me. My sister Amy and my nephew Charles (age 10) and niece Alli (age 8) were here for 10 days. Here's the round-up. Four trips to Universal Studios, which is fortunately within 15 minutes of where I live. The kids really enjoyed the tram tour, but the rides based on Back To The Future and Jurassic Park really rocked their worlds. Big hits. They also enjoyed Universal's Mystery Men and Warner Bros.' Deep Blue Sea and Iron Giant, though they were disappointed that the giant didn't show up for the premiere. Sea World was a big hit even though they got bored near the end of the Shamu show. LegoLand was scratched, but I am told by many that it is a terrific experience for the under 7 crowd. Dinner with my mother was okay, but only because I grilled the steaks. Hurricane Harbor was a perfect place to let the kids loose and to sit and relax for a few hours. I really needed it. And Jack In The Box actually makes chicken chunks that the kids could agree on. And if you don't think that's the most important factor in a parent's day, you probably haven't been hanging out with any 8 year-olds lately. I loved having my family here, even if I have been sleep-deprived for a week. With the family around, one realizes how single one can be in Hollywood. Too single.

3. Yatta Yatta Yatta: I still haven't had time to read Talk and I'm sure it will be a great read, but I'm already ready for a break from the damned thing. It's a really funny part of the NY/LA disconnect that parties get such hype in New York, and in L.A., they are "just another party." I mean, when's the last time you saw national publicity for a party in L.A.? No one stays late. Henry Kissinger is just another German looking to bang a starlet without actually financing a movie. And everything is infinitely disposable.

2. Down-ey Again: Is there any story sadder than the saga of Robert Downey Jr.? "It's like I have a shotgun in my mouth, my finger on the trigger and I like the taste of gun metal." That comment that he made to the judge makes a chill run down my spine. Previous warnings by the judge "Just interrupted my business." What was the judge, who ordered a three-year prison term for Downey, to do? Clearly, this guy doesn't belong in jail for being an addict. But he is a danger to society. Just ask the family that found him sleeping in their daughter's bed. Just keep in mind that they found a handgun in the car with him last time he had a wreck. And what's Hollywood to do? Forget about sending messages to the public. What about messages in the industry? How many excuses should talent give you? At what point does the repeated acceptance of this brilliant performer back into the bosom of the business start feeding his addiction? (And don't tell me about all the other druggies. I'm asking about him. You can say that he needs our support, but don't start telling me about Belushi, et al. In this case, everyone else is irrelevant. And more to the point, they are irrelevant to Downey.) To see someone with so much going for him throw it all so far away...really tragic.

1. Darwin Does Hollywood: Turnabout is fair play. Or at least that seems to be the position that talent agencies are trying to use in the ongoing battle against the growing horde of manager/producers that are changing the landscape of talent representation. The Association of Talent Agents has had a series of meetings with the Screen Actors Guild seeking a change in the rules that limit what agencies can do for their clients. To simplify, agents can negotiate and cannot make more than 10 percent. Managers can do everything but negotiate and can charge what they want. And managers are not only taking full advantage of their freedom, but they are now cutting agents completely out of the money loop by hiring lawyers for a lot less to do the negotiation, which the managers pretend not to be controlling. After failing to get legislation rolling to fight off the managers, the agencies have now turned to SAG. If this works, which it probably will eventually (think deregulation of TV ownership), the great irony is that Mike Ovitz is the one pushing the agents to do this by being so aggressive with his management company, AMG. And Ovitz was the king of changing the playing field by changing the rules.

READER OF THE DAY: From DC: "Dear David Poland, what ever happened to the DVD questionnaire? Are you going to run any of the responses? Sorry I can't share your enthusiasm for Tina Brown and her doings. I know she's not the only one responsible for what happened to the New Yorker, but I can't help loathing her for the role she played in the magazine's transformation from the only literate publication in this country to something like a snooty version of People. I started reading the New Yorker almost as soon as I knew how to read. I learned about literary criticism from Edmund Wilson's book reviews, about the art of writing from short stories by Tennessee Williams, Vladimir Nabokov, John Cheever, and Mary McCarthy, not to mention learning about motion pictures by scanning the list of revivals in the front pages of each issue. I will have to admit that the movie reviews were pretty uninspired until Pauline Kael came along, but now they absolutely stink like never before. It's like the death of a dear friend."

And from B.S.: "Regarding your question at the close of today's column, I'm annoyed by fake letters getting through to you only because too many people accept what they see and read at face value. Same goes for faked reviews over on Aint It Cool. People don't seem to want to put anything in context. A friend of mine absolutely hated Blair Witch, and refused to even think about what the filmmakers were attempting to accomplish. Further, he judged the film against the hype surrounding it. I think that's unfair. I was present when my friend bad-mouthed TBWP to a few people, and I felt compelled to present some kind of alternative opinion because they were nodding their heads, murmuring, 'I didn't realize it was so awful. Maybe I won't go see it this weekend after all.' My feeling is that TBWP, which I liked a lot, is a worthwhile film for a number of reasons, and people ought to see it in a theatre full of people. It's different, it's unusual, it's very creepy (if not especially scary) and it was done without burning untold millions. It's a film that presents itself as a puzzle to be worked through.

I feel Eyes Wide Shut should be seen for the same reasons. I didn't care for the film at all. In fact, I completely disagree with your assessment of the film, David. But it still ought to be viewed on the big screen and discussed. How often does a film come along that actually provokes debate? And here we have two! EWS was sunk by people who hated the film and refused to discuss why they didn't like it, whereas moviegoers are hearing some negative word of mouth on TBWP and are deciding to go see it anyway. Why? That's another column, I guess."

E ME: I'm too tired to prompt anyone to do anything. Express yourself and let me in on it if you would.