Weekend, 6-7 November 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. Get A Life: Okay, so it's a little off the movie map, but what a surreal game of p.r. cat & mouse going on between Howard Stern and Kathie Lee Gifford. Gifford has been regularly tormented by Stern and has been more than happy to fight back. But she sent some sort of note to the shock jock after he announced his separation from his wife and now that note has become a media event. First, Regis Philbin delivers the note. Then, Stern announces on the air that there is a note, but he won't read it for a day. Then Gifford's publicists start pushing the story with a tantalizing "It was a personal note." By this time, he may have read the note on the air, but what drama, what suspense, what stupidity. Show biz intimacy gets a little too intimate sometimes and this time, it isn't even fun.

9. Hey Paul-y!: With all the Blair Witch parodies around, someone in Hollywood has finally figured out a way to turn them into money. Trimark will package a number of the spoofs into a film called The Bogus Witch Project, with who-else-but Pauly Shore as the host and actor in one more parody. The film, which is sure to be bigger on video than in theaters, should be out early in 2000.

8. Every $84 Counts: In a blow to the box office prospects of The Insider, a Miami judge today ordered jurors in an anti-tobacco case not to see the Pacino/Crowe/Michael Mann movie this weekend or at any time before their trial comes to an end. The trial is in its 18th month and is going strong with an award of hundreds of billions likely if the tobacconists are found guilty. The decision by the judge hasn't inspired copycats yet, but I expect that shortly we'll see a request in a case against homophobic murderers that the jury doesn't see Boys Don't Cry, in a case over ambulance driver negligence, that the jury doesn't see Bringing Out The Dead and in a big case against cheese manufacturers, that the jury avoids Three To Tango.

7. Did You Ever Have To Finally Decide?: The "Which movie will Chris Tucker follow-up Rush Hour with?" saga seems to be continuing without end. Just days after Variety's Michael Fleming had Tucker making the choice to proceed with Black Knight, Fleming is back with word that, uh, maybe not. Could be Guess Who's President? Or the resurrection of Double-O Soul. Or Black Knight. Or Rush Hour 2. Or more freaking nothing. Meanwhile, Tucker has apparently been holding out for a $20 million payday...who the hell is his agent, Don King? Fleming supposes -- and I agree --that $10 million is doable. But $15 million was probably doable 6 months ago. And in another 6 months, it will probably get down to $8 million. The clock keeps ticking, even if you aren't making movies. In the case of a new rising star, nothing ventured, millions lost.

6. Get A Life 2: The Dairy Council is being taken to task for using Curly for one of their milk mustache ads. Why? Not because the image is sacred to the family of the world's favorite Stooge, but because Curly died at just 45 of complications from his obesity. Milk's not real good for the obese, I guess. But who cares?! He was a Stooge for God's sakes. It wasn't like putting a milk mustache under the nose of a fasting Ghandi! Come on, people! Time to get a little perspective.

5. Purchased, Not Earned: MGM is using MTV to promote The World Is Not Enough as intensely as possible. One problem. It seems that MTV is not as interested as MGM, so MTV will charge MGM for much of the airtime that the new movie receives of the video net. There will be about 100 hours of programming related to the movie on the network and according to The New York Times (a source that has been less than reliable as far as this kind of information lately, but I haven't read a denial from MGM), MGM will pay for almost all of the time in one way or another. Included in the promo, a $200,000 BMW giveaway. The mixing of advertising and programming continues, but interestingly, not the way everyone has been guessing. At least not in this case. MTV is owned by Viacom, which also owns Paramount, not MGM. This is not synergy, just business. Good business. But is it good for you, the viewer. Well, I don't think you are being bent over a table quite yet, but this is certainly a firm tug on the back of your Levi's.

4. Only His Hairdresser Knows For Sure: Scott Rudin is considered by many one of the coarsest men in Hollywood. Yet his interests seem to be quite varied and sophisticated at times. This is one of those times. He bought the rights to the story of Binjamin Wilkomirski, the man who wrote a best-selling memoir of his time in a Polish Concentration Camp. However, it turns out that he never spent a day in any concentration camp. Wilkomirski still claims his memories are true, re-gained in regression therapy, one of the stupidest off-shoots of legitimate psychology ever created, responsible for more false accusations, broken families and jail time for the innocent than anything this side of overt racism. As a movie, this is a tough story to tell. It isn't overly cinematic. But I have to hand it to Rudin, he's stepping up to the plate.

3. Another Loss: I'm not sure quite how the death of Albert Whitlock escaped this column's official notice for so many days. Whitlock was, really, the king of the matte painting. From The Hitchcock Era (The Birds, Marnie) through the disaster movie era (he won Oscars® for Earthquake and The Hindenberg) to movies like Dune and Bound For Glory, Whitlock make the impossible happen long before CG became the standard of the industry. I always will remember my earliest days at Northwestern University, buying every copy of Cinefantastique I could and wallowing in Whitlock's legacy. (Not to mention Rick Baker's early days, which were happening at the time.) Whitlock was 84, so I suspect that he had about as full a life as a man can expect. But there is no doubt, he will be missed.

2. It's A World Of Red Ink, A World Of Debt: Disney isn't doing as well as expected, the stock market folks aren't happy and cuts are about to start flying. Included in those "cuts" will likely be a load of cut-for-DVD versions of Disney classics, juicing the cash flow and profit reports. Expect an announcement soon. Eisner told his stockholders, "I consider consumer products and homevideo a walk in the park compared to telling a movie star heÕs not getting $20 million, heÕs going to get $8 (million)." Hmmmm...I wonder how he feels about getting Michael Bay to cut his budget on Tennessee? At what point does that film appear to be "safe?" I'd say that $120 million for a Michael Bay extravaganza is pretty safe. But if Bay gets on his horse about making the film "good," even that relatively low budget (compared to Armageddon's $200 million +) could be a car wreck. I'm not completely convinced as of this moment that Tennessee will ever get made.

1. You Must Turn On The Computer For Yourself: Speaking of DVD, Warner Bros. is doing an ultracool event this Saturday night (Nov. 6) in which owners of the DVD-ROM version of The Matrix and who have Internet ready computers will be able to sync up the film across the planet via the Web and will watch the movies as they and The Wachowskis have a chance to discuss the film live. 6pm PT, be there or be square. This is, for me, the most exciting use of the technology I've heard of yet, at least on a consumer level. Can you imagine? A world in which a director can be part of everyone's individualized experience of a movie that's special to them. Play-by-play on a DVD is one thing, but a chance for follow-up questions? Glorious. If you have the DVD-ROM and are ready to play or even if you don't, but you want to participate in the chat, go to the event Website right here.

READER OF THE DAY: This came from BB Boone: "I am a 21-year-old Catholic; but don't stop reading yet. Unlike the close minded, people who joined the Catholic League, I support freedom of expression for all forms of art. I don't care what the subject of debate is, art is art no matter what form or subject it is. Dogma is Kevin Smith's way of expressing himself and he has every right to in this country. If the rest of the Catholics don't like it they don't have to pay $8 to see it. I for one will pay and enjoy the art."

DMZ wrote: "This all reminds me of a piece on Michael Moore's "TV Nation". To prove that New York cab drivers ignore blacks, and to ridicule their fears, Moore filmed two men attempting to get a cab: one, "Emmy nominee" Yaphet Kotto, and the other a white convicted (and time served) murderer. Of course, Kotto could not get a cab, and the murderer could. Several times."

And finally, this from The Big D on Being John Malkovich: "I think it was all a big statement on the Hollywood machine -- how giving up your identity and your individuality and allowing yourself to be controlled by others is a by-product of fame. Underneath, parts of "the real you" are still there, but others don't see it -- they only see what's on the outside. Allowing yourself to be "used" by others is acceptable in those circles. Those who can't hack it or can't seem to sustain it, don't make it (i.e.: being spit out onto the NJ Turnpike.) And in the end, you become the "thing" that everyone thinks you are -- a puppet. You aren't even aware that something lurks below the surface. And as so often happens in Hollywood, this "curse" is passed on to the next generation. (which is why it was so ironic that (EDITED FOR SPOILER), a 2nd generation celeb, was portrayed as himself in the film.) Or maybe it was just about all of us being afraid to show the real us. We all take on other identities because it is so readily accepted.

Ouch...my brain hurts now!

Maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. But I still really liked it!

E ME: Well, do you know what the hell you are talking about? Prove it!