Weekend, 4-5 December 1999

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. A Callous Industry Polices Itself: Pokemon is dangerous for your kids. Well, Pokemon is dangerous for your kids if they play with the cards in front of a mirror. You see, there is a card in the Pokemon series with the reverse image of a swastika, which actually does have a meaning -- a nice non-racial meaning -- in Japan. Nonetheless, after complaints from the Anti-Defamation League, Nintendo will pull the card. Hollywood: Safe For Your Kids!

9. Like A University On The Internet, No Class: Apparently, Meghan McCarthy's Filmmaking 101 idea has caught on in a big way. Starting next year, UCLA, the Australian Film, Television and Radio School and the National Film and Television School of Great Britain will join to create Global Film School. Yoikes! So, what problem might I have with this idea? Well, there are two critical elements to a film school education. One, see movies. Two, make movies. I never met a school book that really taught me much about the movies. It was the professors and the camaraderie and mostly, the movies themselves. But who knows? Maybe I'll end up being a Web professor. Watch out, you're getting these pearls of ego for free now. Soon, they could cost you thousands and bore you mercilessly. (You can sign up for class early at www.globalfilmschool.com.)

8. The DVD revolution continues!: Last week, 816,739 DVDs were sold, the most ever in a week, besting the previous record by almost 100,000 units. Entrapment led eight new titles and The Spy Who Shagged Me stayed strong. But, the biggest seller was The Matrix, back in the top slot after a ten week hiatus. I've got to get one of those things one of these days.

7. ____ As A Doorknob: Gene Rayburn is dead. His career consisted almost exclusively of four decades worth of game shows with the occasional "Love Boat" appearance thrown in. It was under Rayburn's tutelage that I learned to do a Charles Nelson Reilly imitation. Where I grimaced at the prospect of Brett Somers and Jack Klugman in bed together. And he ruled a land where Nipsey Russell and Fannie Flagg could co-exist in peace and harmony. I loved the "Matchgame." And, I will miss its host.

6. Wasn't She The Villain In GoldenEye?: OK, I'm not showing a lot of respect. Jamaa Fanaka was the man behind the famous and infamous Penitentiary series of films, three in all. And now, he can't get a job. So what goes best with failure in Hollywood? Litigation, of course. Fanaka sued the DGA and most of the major studios in a racial discrimination suit which was overturned this week by the Court of Appeals. A class action suit over discrimination against the only-somewhat-talented seems like the next likely step.

5. Tucking Tucker Away: The clock on Chris Tucker's inactivity may have finally come to an end. Fox and New Regency have done a deal. FINALLY to have Tucker starring in the long-discussed Black Knight. And according to Variety, the payday will be between $13 million and $15 million or pretty much what people expected him to get for his comedic follow-up to Rush Hour. And by the way, Tucker is reported to have received $3 million for that film. So while the numbers are big, it's not exactly rags to riches. Perhaps off-the-rack suits to Armani. Tucker also got a 12 percent gross deal. Not too shabby, especially if the film grosses somewhere just over $150 million and Tucker's percentage expands. Rest easy, America. Chris Tucker is a rich young man.

4. The First Award Show: The People's Choice Awards announced their nominees for this year on Thursday, and I can write with little fear of contradiction that only one nominee from the five feature film categories has any chance whatsoever of receiving a matching Oscar® nomination. And that would be Meryl Streep. Sorry to The Matrix, The Sixth Sense, Star Wars: Episode One -- The Phantom Menace, The Blair Witch Project, Double Jeopardy, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, American Pie, Big Daddy, Harrison Ford, Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson, Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts. The show is on January 9.

3. A Bit Of The Old Ultra Violence: Twenty seven years ago, around the same time A Clockwork Orange was given an "X" rating here in the United States, threats against Stanley Kubrick and his family over the violent nature of his film, despite the film's powerful message against violence both thoughtless and governmentally organized, caused Kubrick to remove the movie from British distribution forever. Or, so it seemed. Since his passing earlier this year, Warner Bros. and Kubrick's family have been discussing a re-release of the film in England. Now, that is a great tribute to a great director, bring a lost piece of his art back to part of the world.

2. A Bit Of The Old Ultra Stupidity: The violence of A Clockwork Orange, seen through the prism of "protecting our children," would have to be immediately banned. Of course, then audiences would miss the full, complex story. Likewise, the soon-to-be-release Titus, from Fox Searchlight and Billy Shakespeare, is the most emotionally violent movie you will see this year about not indulging violence, passionate or blind. Yet, Brownback and Lieberman insist on spewing their ignorance all over Hollywood and -- they hope -- the entire United States. I got one letter in support of the duo after Thursday's column, but I made a proposal to that reader, a thoughtful intelligent person, that I don't think he can deliver on. Sure, making the world a little safer for kids is a great idea. But who gets to control the red marker? Who gets to define "gratuitous" versus "important" violence in art?

Apparently these two men think they have that kind of wisdom. They say that the industry won't listen to "appeals from across the country" and in the same breath explain that Hollywood just won't do anything that will hurt the bottom line. Well, which is it? Do Americans want less violence or do they want to keep on buying violence? Brownback excavated from his rectum (was that too violent an image?) a stat that "violence and sleaze" has risen 30 percent since 1997, when the ratings system came into being. He has no back-up for where that number comes from or what it includes, but I guess we should trust him. After all, he knows what's best for us. But then it got stupider! These guys want to "change the toxic culture of vulgarity!" Cool! So, boys, what do you consider vulgar? How does Jim Carrey talking out of his butt rate with watching the fire in Waco over and over?

I am disgusted with the simplemindedness of this whole effort. The film industry often doesn't deserve the First Amendment, that is true. But the next generation of Americans doesn't deserve to wallow in denial and ignorance. If any of you want to go back to a time when people hid the truth when it was less than attractive, I'm not sure why you are reading this column. I try to make it about truth, ugly or nice. And truth needs no defense. Except from some headline grubbers from Washington this week. Just makes you want to throw stuff through a Starbucks window, huh?

P.S. No mention of Fight Club that I've heard about. And Anita Busch wept.

1. Did Someone Mention Vulgar?: More proof that you need neither an original idea nor any credits to make the big bucks in Hollywood. Lamar Damon, who has previously sold stuff, as yet unmade, to MTV, DreamWorks and Sony, has convinced Universal execs that he can write a good version of Endless Love, which will be retitled The Age of Consent as to remove the stench from the original. And they're paying him a high six-figure salary for excreting it, according to Variety's Michael Fleming. Had Brooke Shields been asked to comment, I'm sure she would have said, "Endless what? I can't recall a movie named that." And Martin Hewitt, found at the pump of the last self-serve Sunoco in East Texas, might refuse comment altogether.

READER OF THE DAY: Karen. Canada: I watch the "Rosie O'Donnell Show" and she was telling everyone not to go and see Fight Club. I thought that it was going to be another Natural Born Killers and that was the most awful pile of crap film that I have ever seen, so I wasn't too bothered about going to see it. I ended up going by default with a couple of friends and my husband. The only redeeming feature it had for me was that it was directed by the man that did Seven and I thought that was a brilliant film. Well let me tell you that Fight Club was as good if not better than Seven. I laughed and heaved and I even cried. Brad Pitt was magnificent as Tyler Durden, no pretty boy stuff there, and Ed Norton as usual gave an outstanding performance (just when I think he can't get any better, he does). I cannot recommend this film highly enough, it really is about our society today and it makes one stop to examine the bandwagon that we are all on. Absolutely fantastic in every sense. A big thanks to all involved. Keep those controversial films coming.

E ME: Can you come up with a list of what deserves to be "restrained for the sake of our children?"