Weekend, 18-19 March 2000

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

10. Scooped By Liz Smith: I guess I didn't bend over for the right people. Somehow, Liz Smith was first to get word that Robin Williams will sing Blame Canada! at the Academy Awards. Something surreal about the elder stateswoman of gossip to be in bed with Trey Parker. Saddam and The Devil couldn't make an odder couple.

9. Roger & The Movies: How can I explain Roger Ebert's dismissal of Erin Brockovich and his embrace of a piece of truly mindless, poorly shot crap like Final Destination? I can't. Neither can I explain how fate's ugly little hand placed me across the aisle from Roger a week before Erin Brockovich and a week after Fight Club. Which is not to say that I didn't love smacking Mission to Mars around, but there are some battles more important than others. I must say that A.O. Scott's ignorance of editing exposes his mixed review for what it is, dismissing some of Anne V. Coates' best ever work because it wasn't flashy enough for his still untrained eye to pick up on. But for Roger to write, "...the costume design sinks this movie" scares me. It is one of the brilliant things about the movie that the story rises above the necklines. This is a movie about small people. Of course, Roger also tells a tale when he writes, "...all we can think about is the infinitely greater impact of John Travolta's similar dialogue in A Civil Action." Ahhhh...an A Civil Action lover. I almost forgot. That tells you a lot. Because I thought A Civil Action failed exactly where Erin Brockovich rose to greatness. And I guess the reverse would have to be true if you believed in A Civil Action as a great movie. I think A.C.A. had a great writer involved, a couple of great actors and a great story to tell, but missed the heart of the story by obsessing on the Travolta character, whose whole journey in the book was about coming down off his horse, not getting up on it. As to why Roger embraced the mess of Final Destination, I have no answers at all. It's badly shot, poorly photographed, can't decide whether it is fate, God or a smoky demon doing the dirty work. The deaths are so unbelievably stupid as to defy logic. It's one of those movies where a gunshot makes an entire house blow up as though it was loaded with dynamite. The movie had a fascinating premise and I tried to just go with it through the first two acts, but by the third, I was snickering every time I saw a gag coming from a block away. I guess the onus is on this week's guest host to hold up the honor of one movie and hold down lunch on another movie across the aisle. I know I'll be watching.

8. And Another Thing!!!: A friend of mine was on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" this week and I was disallowed from being a lifeline for her because I had gotten a check from Roger & Co. too recently, thus bringing up conflict of interest rules. After the "shell column," here is another opportunity for you to beat up on me for being too pampered and having too cushy a life! I want to be a lifeline! Heck, if I can't be a lifeline, I sure can't try to be a millionaire. See, my life is hard, hard, hard. Feel my pain!

7. Clerks TV: Kevin Smith is busy burning bridges again, now enraged that ABC hasn't run his animated version of Clerks yet, pushing the show back to May 31, as of now. Apparently, Smith is now trying to figure out a way to buy back the TV show, re-cut it as a movie and release it into theaters. But who would distribute the film? No word on that.

6. Potting Steven: Interesting bit from the London Sunday Express...assuming it's true. According to them, according to someone at Warner Bros., according to Steven Spielberg, the big S.S. dropped the Harry Potter Project because book author J.K. Rowling had too much influence over the project. The quote from the unnamed WB exec was, "It wasn't going to be Spielberg's vision. It would have to be a shared vision with the author. Spielberg has a more fanciful approach, and to be true to the book, he would have had to portray her vision, not his." I don't know if that would have been true, but this much is. Had Rowling expected to win too many fights and lost to Spielberg, there would have been another situation like Anne Rice and Interview With A Vampire or Tom Clancy and the Jack Ryan movies and it wouldn't be surprising to find that Steven Spielberg didn't feel so compelled to do these stories that he was willing to put up with the media scrutiny that a hugely popular and angry author can bring.

5. Too Skinny For Words: This is a feed from a publicist and it's a TV thing, not a movie thing, yet I still can't resist sending you towards this Ling...I mean, link.

4. Woody Rides Into Another Sunset: Michael Fleming got the story, but the story, especially as he tells it, is really not much of a story at all. Woody Allen has been friends with Jean Doumanian forever. They have had periods when they've worked together and periods where they haven't. Woody has had a hard time getting studio financing since Orion hit the bankruptcy courts. Tri-Star was there for a few pictures, but left after getting diminishing financial returns. Doumanian's boyfriend, a billionaire, decided that he'd support Jean in Woody's studio and Sweetland Films was born. They made seven films together, from Bullets Over Broadway to the upcoming Small Time Crooks. Tensions over revenue have been reported over the last few years by insiders and it seems they have come to a head. And the timing may be perfect for Woody. With so many art-arms coming up under majors' logos, Allen could once again become a symbol of a quality enterprise, so long as he remains willing to work within a certain budget range. A studio could afford a loss leader like Allen if he builds prestige. My bet would be that USA Films, Paramount Classics or even United Artists has a multi-picture, multi-year deal with Allen set sometime before Small Time Crooks hits theaters this summer under the DreamWorks banner.

"Traffic Moves & Oscar Grooves"