Thursday, 13 July 2000

CORRECTION: Roger Ebert is a fan of Lars Von Trier's Dancer in the Dark. Roeper was not. And no thumbs were officially directed when the film was discussed in REATM's Cannes overview. My mistake. Still, I hope that Fine Line will be screening the film somewhere where I can see it sometime real soon.

SAD: Why would a 25-year-old kill himself? That question is unanswered as of this writing. But Justin Pierce, best known as Casper in Larry Clark's Kids, hung himself by the neck in a Las Vegas hotel room on Tuesday. I'm sure that E! will provide us with all the pertinent details and some dramatic music to go with them, but it's a damned shame. It seems that in today's culture, the kids are getting older at a younger age and by the time they are in their mid-20s, they have the emotional stability of the children they left behind. Of course, that is too broad a statement and doesn't reflect on every kid, but adolescence without a childhood means that something foundational is missing. And that is a heavy weight to bear at any age.

OUCH!: Liam Neeson's pelvis may be causing a lot of problems for two major productions in the next few months. No, Liam's pelvis is not being censored at a David Letterman taping at the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. It's broken. Big Liam hit a big deer with his big motorcycle, fall down, go boom. The deer ran off, but died of the injuries a little later. Liam's pelvis was broken. No word on the status of the cycle. But Martin Scorsese and George Lucas both look to be at a bit of a loss when shooting their movies, Gangs of New York and Star Wars: Episode 2, with a gimpy hipped Neeson. Of course, Lucas may just take the opportunity to shoot Neeson in a green screen hospital bed and CG his hip in later. Scorsese just set the deal for Neeson to play Leo DiCaprio's father in his picture, but I'm guessing the "act of God" clause just went into effect. I guess this is why casting directors in big name movies get paid so well.

COME TOGETHER: After Fox saw Warner Bros. cut its own throat with the wildly expensive Batman & Robin, losing money even with a $107 million domestic gross, Bill Mechanic, then of Twentieth Century Fox, decided that he was going to keep his developmentally challenged project, X-Men, in the $80 million production range. After Sony dumped Daredevil from its active development roster, Marvel went out to sell the project, with the attached writer/director Mark Steven Johnson. When X-Men screened for entertainment writers and exhibitors in recent weeks and the response was overwhelmingly positive, the Hollywood prayer that a big CG-driven effects movie could be made on a budget, substituting story and character for many of the effects, became a reality. (Well, close. Ask again in 10 days.) And now, Daredevil has found a home at New Regency, which has a home at…taa-daaa!…Fox. I am still a bit skeptical about Mark Stephen Johnson as a writer/director of this kind of material, though every indication is that this is a true passion of his. Then again, I am far more skeptical about Raja Gosnell trying to pull off Fantastic Four with anything less than a cast of movie stars who can cover his flaws as Drew Barrymore and Martin Lawrence have. (Gosnell, Andy Tennant and Howard Deutch should start a club.) And for all my mocking of Mr. Affleck and his Jack Ryan situation, do you know who I think would make a great Matt Murdock (a.k.a. Daredevil, The Man Without Fear, a blind lawyer who fights crime by night)? Matt Damon. There is something about his build and style that makes me feel he could be a believable blind, clumsy guy by day and an butt-kickin' hero by night without getting laughs.

I SHAN'T PASS THIS WAY IN FUTURE: Variety's Dana Harris wrote a piece that ended up with a headline, "Cameron Won't Be Back For Terminator 3." But I wouldn't say that the content of the piece was quite so crystal clear. Rae Sanchini said that Cameron hadn't spoken to the guys who hold the rights in over a year. Rae Sanchini said, "No, he won't be directing the movie.'' Cameron, in a different story, has said, "Why build someone else's franchise?" All well and good. But Hollywood is full of deals. And like Star Wars stayed at Fox for a very small piece of the pie, Terminator 3 could regain Cameron behind the camera for the right price. The reality of why this probably still won't happen is economic. The rights to this franchise cost Mario Kassar and Andy Vajna around $20 million. Arnold's deal is probably for $25 million plus big gross points. Say the cost of production is $100 million below the line and another $20 million above, excluding Arnold. They have a breakeven at $350 worldwide, which they are betting they can be sure of with Schwarzenegger's participation, given T2's $512 million worldwide gross. Add Jim Cameron and they add another $100 million or so to that target. And they have to give up control and probably at least 50 percent ownership in the ongoing franchise to Cameron. Dicey. Nonetheless, the headline on the story seems a bit extreme.

AUCTION ACTION: Gotta love the Internet. A William Morris assistant agent decided that he could sell copies of scripts from the office on EBay. When his bosses found out, they disagreed. Even worse--anything that costs an agency cash is worse--this assistant used the Morris mailroom to FedEx, at WMA expense, the scripts to his buyers. So, Ryan Masalcas is now a former William Morris assistant agent. So now, the real question. Is this guy such an idiot that he'll never work in this town again or will he be immediately snapped up when potential employers read about him and realize what a greedy, myopic, ballsy bastard he really is?

YOU GO, BOY: Thank God for Peter Bart. Just when I think that I'm out of column fodder, he encapsulates the confusion of this industry. Is that a compliment or an attack? You decide. But I would say that he manages to come up with the most absurd theory in a summer of absurd theories about why this summer has been so soft at the box office. "I'll advance one tentative theory: The multinational entertainment corporations keep boasting about the glories of vertical integration, but also keep complaining about the waning economics of their film divisions. To hold down risks, they've slashed studio operating budgets, reduced filmmaker deals and pulled in partners to share production and marketing costs. Which leads us to a disquieting question: In cutting risk, have they also inadvertently cut quality?" Mr. B kind of reminds me of George Bush, the original photocopy of a politician, trying to outmaneuver Bill Clinton in their race. Pete, babe, it's the movies, stupid! Why did the Farrelly Bros. movie do less well than expected? People just didn't connect. It had nothing to do with multi-nationals. And The Patriot had nothing to do with Revolutionary War skittishness. And Big Momma's House didn't succeed because it was a "Black movie." And Scary Movie didn't succeed because of its budget. And Gladiator wasn't a surprise by the time it was released. And Shanghai Noon was a genre breaker that just didn't catch fire. Chicken Run may be wonderful, but is it really THAT much more enjoyable than Titan A.E.. Or is it marketing and timing and luck? Anyway, decide for yourselves. Here's the link.

READER OF THE DAY: A Block From Huggy Bear writes: "This seems up your alley.

(author unknown) With apologies to Messrs Gilbert and Sullivan, the following ditty may be sung to the 'Pirates Of Penzance' tune 'Modern Major General':

I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted to,
On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.

Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I was introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.

The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as gest and drolery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's at the limit of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only mum could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;

If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It's simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.

I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality,
That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup Personality.

E ME: What body part would you like to see broken to keep what actor from doing his or her "job?"