Weekend, 9-10 December 2000

NEWS BY THE NUMBERS

7. Thanks: The e-mail on Friday was overwhelmingly supportive in response to ROTD, The M, and her decision to bail on THB (and thus, me) over my writings about the election fiasco. I am prone to worrying about a lot of stuff and perhaps it would be better if I had a thicker skin. But I have the huge advantage of being able to express my concerns and get feedback about them from readers. And not just by a show of hands, but from e-mails that offer even more than the "attaboy" that I might have needed. I don’t have time to respond to everyone, but I really appreciate the effort you have taken to read and support this column.

6. Floating Free: The idea that J. B. Rogers has been hired to direct the sequel to American Pie is no great shock or source of interest. But the announcement, in Michael Fleming’s Variety column "Dish," was interesting for what it left out. Rogers’s only directorial credit is the comedy Say It Isn’t So, which will come out in February. The film is produced by The Farrelly Bros., who are really the people responsible for moving Rogers up the food chain: he’s been the first assistant director on all their movies since Dumb & Dumber. Rogers was also first assistant director on American Pie, so he’s already connected with that cast. I guess that Rogers’s people are already trying to position him as separate from the Farrellys, and the brothers are, I’m sure, completely supportive of anything that works for J. B. But it is funny how old connections fade in public as they become less valuable.

5. Gorging in Georgia: Fortunately, Tom King is off on a TV tangent this weekend in the Wall Street Journal’s "Weekend Journal" section. However, he does answer a question and kind of misses the point, so I will try to answer it here. The question: "I live in Athens, Georgia, where we have two multiplexes that invariably show the same movies. With so much to choose from, why don’t we have greater choice?" King offers up an answer, which has some validity, about how small towns with a limited number of screens tend to show only big movies for economic reasons. But here is the reality... studios have a choice. I don’t know how big Athens, Georgia, actually is. As far as I can tell, there are four commercial movie theaters in Athens, totaling 29 screens. Two are Carmike multiplexes, totaling 17 screens. The Alps Cinema seems to be a single screen. And Beachwood Cinemas, I believe, has 11 screens, which are within 8.5 miles of the Carmike’s 5 screener. The two Carmike Cinemas are 5.4 miles away from one another. In Los Angeles, theaters that close would likely be considered as "in the same zone." The idea of zones is that they keep some level of exclusivity for the exhibitors in an area. But Carmike has likely decided that the economics of small movies just isn’t worth pursuing at all, even though it has 16 screens in the same zone. Would audiences go 8.5 miles to see The Grinch? Of course. Athens is a pretty hip room, with a university crowd and an annual festival (the Kudzu Festival). Someone should probably set up an art house that runs two or three new and different art films every week. The big boys aren’t going to do it.

4. Oh, That Bill!: Kim Masters was complaining at the New Line party earlier this week that nothing much was going on out here... and she was right. But she found herself a very funny story about Bill Murray, who is at war with Columbia over the use of his image on billboards and one-sheets for Charlie’s Angels. Apparently, his deal was designed so that the studio wouldn’t use his face to sell the movie... that didn’t stop them. Sony insists they didn’t breach the contract, but they have removed all the single-image (Bill Murray is Bosley) ads from billboards and bus stops around the country. Masters goes on to speculate about Murray and the much-talked-about Angels sequel, but I still don’t believe it will ever happen. The perception of CA as a big hit is not a real one, at least not at the bottom line. Talking sequel is one way to bolster that false perception. It’s not quite as overt as John Travolta talking Battlefield Earth sequels, but it’s in the same vein. If an Angels sequel were to happen, it wouldn’t start shooting before 2002. Not only is more turnover at Columbia likely (actually, it’s inevitable, given Calley’s contract expiration), but you can start the budget for CA2 by adding $15 million or so above the line. This film simply will not be profitable enough to carry that fiscal weight. The only real sequel possibility, in my opinion, is a film starring, say, Jessica Alba, Reese Witherspoon, and Judy Greer, made for $40 million and profitable at under $100 million.

3. HO-GAN!!!!: I feel as though I should call Rod Lurie for a quote on the passing of Werner Klemperer (December 6), since Rod is working on a movie called Clink Inc. But that would be a misspell and an under-valuation of a wonderful actor and performer. Growing up, I loved Hogan’s Heroes. Maybe it was because, back in the dark ages of the mid-1970s, we only had five channels in Miami and Hogan was a regular on the then-independent channel 6. My best friend at the time used to do his Colonel Klink imitation every three minutes or so. (Kenny was also known for "rhino power" and "eating the strudel," but I digress.) When I grew up and moved to New York, Klemperer lived around the corner from me, and I would see him a couple of times a week. I never said, "Verrrrrr-ner! What are you up to?!?!" -- or even "Hi." But there he was, clearly happy to have shed the cloak of the sitcom and to be taken seriously as a conductor of classical music, his first love and his genetic predisposition (his father was conductor Otto Klemperer). Mr. Klemperer will be missed.

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