14 September 2000

And now, my review of Men of Honor...God, that sucked!!!!

Oh. Not enough info? Okay. I'll waste our time with more thoughts. I really loved Soul Food. I am thus, a fan of George Tillman Jr. But the problem here is that he has a disastrously uncinematic story to tell. A really remarkable, important story. But sooooooo uncinematic. Men of Honor is the true story of the first black Navy diver, Carl Brashear. And there's the problem. Because you know what kinds of challenges face a man trying to make it in the Navy Dive School? Well, he has to hold is breath for a long time. He has to assemble things underwater. He has to learn the facts about diving so he can pass his written tests. And he has to take 12 steps in a 250-pound dive suit. There's all that racist stuff. But that's not what a movie like this thrives on.

I was reminded of Robert Towne talking about assembling Mission: Impossible 2 around six predetermined action sequences. Here, you had the facts of Brashear's remarkable life and none of them are remotely interesting to watch. On top of that, you have an unrelentingly racist and unkind co-star in Robert De Niro's Master Chief character. The great Hal Holbrook turns up in a worthless, undeveloped, almost insulting cameo as a crazy general. And worst of all, you have Charlize Theron turning up for virtually no reason at all (except, I suppose, to work with De Niro) in the thankless and so-underwritten-as-to-make-cheap-toilet-paper-seem-thick role as De Niro's young wife. Why is this knockout blonde, described as wealthy, 20 years De Niro's junior, married to a Navy loser? I'm sure there's a good answer, but they don't even attempt a bad one in this movie. I did make a note to myself about Theron turning up in one scene where De Niro, stuck in a hospital, is in a garden with some paper and rubber cement on the table. We never find out why that stuff is there, but I did think that Theron could have livened up the movie considerably by playing in some profane way with the rubber cement. At least something about this movie would stick to my mind. (And by the way, Cuba Gooding Jr. is now 10 years too old for the role he played. With due respect. I kept waiting for him to yell, "Show me the Navy!!!")

Last, but not least, was Joel Schumacher's new film, Tigerland, which was not worthy of hate or much ridicule, but was pretty much a lifeless attempt at biting into the apple of the new aesthetic. Thing is, I have to give Schumacher some credit for reaching out. But his Super 16, handheld movie, is a kind of Half-Empty Metal Jacket crossed with The Thin, Thin, Thin, Thin, Red Squiggle. The movie takes us through a boot camp of young men headed to Vietnam. The center of the movie is Roland Bozz, a character in the mold of the classic William Holden wartime character. He's an outsider who rouses anger and fear by not buying into the whole thing. But what is different in this film is that Bozz drags everyone into his disinterest with him. Holden was always aloof and disconnected. This guy thinks he is Jesus and the other soldiers are his flock. And what is constantly frustrating about the film is that he gets away with it, the movie explaining that his attitude can be dangerous to everyone else in his platoon, but never quite believing that it's true. When the troublemaking draftee walks off the job and a senior officer follows and Bozz lights up and asks the officer his first name and the officer tells him and shares a butt…come on!!!

Ultimately, the big failing of this film is that it really isn't about anything. Storylines come and go and come and go and never did I really feel like the movie had anything really interesting to tell me. It was a surface experience. It was okay to look at, but I've seen the style before. It was an interesting story road to travel, but it was a cul-de-sac. And there were a bunch of good young actors (save the one doing the bad R. Lee Ermey imitation), but outside of the lead (played by Colin Farrell), I wouldn't recognize a one of them on the street tomorrow. And a big note to J.S.--every attractive woman alive didn't have breast implants in 1971. You could have at least gotten actresses with real breasts. I know I love it when I do.

Things slow to a trickle of 4 films tomorrow. Until then.

READER OF THE DAY: This came from B.C.: "Compare the Oscar® chances for two highly anticipated films you have seen in Toronto: Men of Honor and The Contender. From the rumors I have been hearing, I agree with you that Joan Allen is a contender for best actress as well as Gary Oldman for best supporting actor. I also hear buzz that Cuba Gooding Jr.'s performance is his best ever. This gets me excited because I am a big fan of his. I am looking forward to both of these films."

E ME: Contender, plenty of possibility. Men of Honor, none. Easy, huh? And if you feel compelled to write in about that last crack about actresses, be kind.