EYE-ING HALLE:  Oscar winner Halle Berry, the woman who broke the barriers for all Black women in Hollywood just weeks ago, has taken one in the orb.  In the midst of an intense stunt, Ms. Berry’s round fleshy member was struck by debris from a smoke grenade.  But she took it like the self-proclaimed icon that she is, returning to work suffering from inflammation.  Dr. Antonio Fernandez spent thirty minutes working closely with Ms. Berry’s soft, moist tissue, acknowledging at the end of his work, “She has been quite lucky, in fact.”  As are we all… as are we all..

Of course, what happened here is that  Ms. Berry got some stuff in her eye.  Her breasts were safe from all harm.  Reporters covering the story were quick to confirm that her performance would include bikinis, but no actually topless scenes.   With the assassination attempt foiled, Colin Powell was able to continue on to the Middle East to deal with slightly less weighty affairs.

ALSO ROUNDING HOME:  Jennifer Lopez is in bed with Sony/Revolution/Columbia.  In the process of shooting her third straight film for the studio, she’s a done a deal to do one more with them, this time grabbing a producing credit on top of her star billing and giving the studio a first-look at her next couple of projects after that… which means that they are going to be friendly, but if her next couple of movies stiff, she’s on her own, thank you.  No Mariah Carey payoffs for Ms. Lopez in Movieland.  But it’s nice to know that Ms. Lopez is putting her best bubs… uh, foot… forward.

PILE ON:  By the way, is Lopez’ summer release supposed to look like a Made-For-Lifetime movie?  My 12-year-old nephew and 11-year-old niece commented on passing the building-sized billboard on Beverly Blvd., “Is that actually going to be in theaters?” and “That looks stupid.”   I’d love for them to be wrong, but it’s not a good ad.

ALSO ADVERTISING:  Why is Ed Burns entire body about the size of one of Angelina Jolie’s lips in the posters for Life Or Something Like It?  He looks like her toothbrush.  Or given his remarkable track record with actresses, her shaggy-haired vibrator.  I haven’t seen a poster that seems this off-key from Fox in a long, long time. 

JUST WONDERING:  Does anyone else expect Lilo and Stitch to be a $200 million movie?  Disney’s marketing on the film is already quite brilliant and Stitch seems like the strongest character to come out of the Mouse House since the Genie in Aladdin… and he’s much more easily merchandised. 

ALSO WONDERING:  Does is strike anyone else as strange that people are getting excited about Kevin Costner doing a movie… where he has EVEN MORE control than he has as a control freak movie star who can’t get out of his own way?  I still think that Costner can be as big as ever.  But I also think that he has to let a genius director reimagine him.  And he is not that.

INJURY TO INSULT:  A few days after AMG was mysteriously hoisted out of the evolution of Gangs of New York (now officially “The Happiest Filmmaking Family Experience Ever!!!”), Ovitz’ junior Waterloo has lost Robin Williams as a client.  Me, I never understand why these things happen when they do.  Was it Death to Smoochy or the teasing Williams took when people said that Smoochy was a return to the dark side?  Some people feared that One Hour Photo would be a mess, but it was a small hit at Sundance.  Why now, Robin?  

CANNES-ED MUSIC:  At the Cannes Film Festival, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron will have its third screening event featuring live performances by Bryan Adams and Hans Zimmer.  They will perform vigorously and with all the passion that their significant talents entail.  And the movie will still be a stiff. 

READER OF THE DAY:  CB Not DeMille writes:  “I've got no complaints about the choice of Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker, and frankly, I think finding a good Parker was a pretty significant challenge for the studio to tackle.  HOWEVER, I've got the guy who would have been perfect… Wes Bentley.  He appears to be the right age, I'm sure he could "geek" it up enough for the first part of the film, but the transformation into Spidey would be much more believable than Tobey (I assume, not having seen the film yet).  Plus, Sony could have gotten him for nothing, considering he's followed up American Beauty with Soul Survivors and The Claim.”

Sing A Song says:  “I think Gangs of New York is going to end up being a disappointment.   Whenever there's a clash between the business side and creative side during a production of a film, it just tells me either the filmmakers didn't meet up to the level of anticipation the financiers were having or there were offensive parts in the film that needed to be cut for box office purposes.  But I have a feeling it was the underwhelming cut Martin Scorsese turned in to Miramax that began the clash.  Say what you want about studio executives, but I think most of them know what the hell they're doing when something like this happens.  One can only think that no matter how violent, or not-so audience friendly a movie is, if the film is compelling and tells an involving tale, I think no matter what, the studios would fully give the film support.”

But The Rotter counters:  “I'll stick with Scorsese till the ends of the Earth.  That said, of course Mr. Scorsese is going for the artistic end of the spectrum.  I'm sure that Weinstein is soiling himself about the money.  To be honest, I don't know why anyone jumped in with that kind of money for "Gangs..." in the first place.  Putting $100 million on a ultra-violent project with a star that hasn't had a movie in a couple years and a director who's never been able to be lucrative, I'm sure he's quite worried he's going to lose his ass on this one.  Plus, Miramax hasn't lately been making the kind of art they once did.  They are more worried about trying to win Oscars with warm and fuzzy Lasse Hallstrom movies.  That's what they're doing.  The only interesting movies even involved with Miramax are the foreign films that they release.   

Scorsese is getting even more artistic in his old age.  Most of his films in the nineties have been "artsy."  "Age of Innocence," "Kundun," "Bringing Out The Dead."   Yes, he's made a few popcorn flicks here and there, but he is definitely leaning towards making artier, more challenging films.  Which is fine with me.  I just watched "Bringing Out The Dead" the other night and it's an absolutely fantastic film.  Any problems with the film are not Scorsese's fault necessarily, they can be laid on the shoulders of the leads, Cage and Arquette.  And he finally found a gel with Robert Richardson on this movie that he didn't necessarily have in "Casino," meaning he isn't was over-the-top with the camera in "Bringing..." 

That said, I can't wait to see "Gangs."  I'll wait as long as I have to and I'll be the first on line to see it.  If you know anything about me (and I doubt that you do), he is my favorite filmmaker, which is saying a lot. 

I think Miramax should their losses.  They aren't going to make any money with "Gangs..."  They aren't.  Just face it.  Let Marty make the picture he wants to make.  Ok, maybe not the 3 hr 40 minute version I heard about somewhere, but somewhere at or above the 3 hr range.  And it's got GREAT Oscar potential for Miramax too.  It's epic, it's old-fashioned, it's big.  It'll be long.  It's got a director who's never one and who has been looked over at least three-times when he was the most deserving.  It'll be a big Oscar movie for them if they just gave a fuck.

E ME:  Tell me something good.