THE GANGS PROBLEM:  I love Scorsese.  He’s at the top of my list of living, working directors.  (Sorry, Francis… the list is yours to ascend… just make a goddamned film already!  Soda, waiting for Full Frontal.  Joel & Ethan… I think of you as writers first.  Everyone who has made less than five films, you need a loaded canon before you qualify.)  So here I am, waiting to see my favorite director’s latest.  I’m not worrying about ears in jars or re-shoots or budgets or Harvey or anything.  Kundun is a masterpiece.  Bringing Out The Dead is a bloodied-eyed poem is as loaded with religious metaphor as any Schrader script and, much like Eyes Wide Shut (which is far more demanding), it was written off on story points by entertainment writers who are no longer used to being challenged by art, only to being coddled by commercial film. 

So what do I do, as a fan, as a film lover, as a journalist, when I am faced with a full-press Harvey Weinstein is The Wizard of Oz shtick being inserted into the life of a movie that is sure to contain sheer genius and which may be a great movie?  Do I keep focusing on the movie that I haven’t seen or do I pull back the curtain to expose the marketing effort – and that’s all this is now – to save the commercial life of what seems sure to be an unusually muscular art film?

My cynicism is well founded.  And I pray that my passion for Scorsese’s work will pay off here.  So what do I do?

Harvey is willing to take the heat.  He’s doing everything he can to draw the fire away from Scorsese.  And, in return, Scorsese, who did help Todd Fields decide not to sign a multi-picture deal with Miramax, is back in the fold, making a choice that he must hope will be best for his picture.  No matter how much bullshit is flying, both of these men are trying to save a movie by one of the great filmmakers of all time. 

I don’t care whether Harvey’s motivation is ego or money or art.  Harvey Weinstein is the bargain the indie movement made in order to grow up.  He is the Oskar Schindler of the film business.  Maybe he got involved because he saw a way to make money, but damn it, he’s come to love his Jews, uh, indie filmmakers.  The only real question is whether The Big Man is the Schindler of real life or the Schindler of Spielberg’s movie.  But does it really matter?  I guess it does if you are the maker of one of the films on which’s Harvey excitement level dropped to nothing.  But when it comes to saving Gangs of New York?  Nah!

Twenty minute sneaks have proven to be unreliable.  I want to see Gangs of New York.  ALL of Gangs of New York.  And then we will get back to what really matters… is it a good (or great) movie?  If it is great, that rare reality rises above all other considerations.  If it is just another commercial piece of crap, then I will worry about what happened in the car wreck.

HYPOCRISY: EPISODE 2:  I think it SUCKS that supposed journalists are going after Attack of the Clones for overestimating their weekend when they suck the studios’ collective ass week after week - printing inaccurate estimates and never challenging them unless a rival studio tells them to, acting as marketing tools (in the most profane use of that word)  - and then going after this one movie.  Where was the headline story about Spider-Man turning out to be $3 million high in its estimate the weekend before?  Where is the cynicism about Sunday estimates in the Sunday stories that everyone rushes to be the first to release each weekend?  I guess Lucas and Fox should be flattered that this film is being held above all others for this kind of obsessive treatment, even if it is negative.  But there is nothing more galling to me than the hypocrisy of near-flacks getting tough on one or two pictures a year and then claiming to be serious journalists.  

In an industry that is in the business of selling product, the studios are right – morally and fiscally obligated to their shareholders – to shove us journalists around.  It is our job as journalists to see past the smoke.  If you are a movie writer who is basically rewriting press releases, fine.  Keep doing that.  If you are a movie writer that question things, fine.  Keep doing that.  But if you are on either side and you occasionally flip back or forth, you are worse than the studios… you are betraying your readers.

ARGH!!!!:  I have been a fan of Patrick Goldstein’s column, The Big Picture, in the L.A. Times for the last year or two.  Sometimes it can be a bit soft, sometimes I disagree, but I feel good that Patrick and the L.A. Times are making an effort to dig deeper than traditional features allow.  But this week, Patrick kind of embarrasses himself.

His column, entitled, Seclusion Has Left George Lucas Out of Touch is problematic for a lot of reasons.  The first is that it is a pure editorial and Patrick’s column has not been written that way on a long time.  It needs a big stamp on it saying, “This is Patrick Goldstein’s opinion, period.”  If Patrick wrote it as a story about how the industry or the e-journalists see George, that would be a whole different matter.  But Patrick does nothing in this piece other than spew his own feelings.  The problem with that is, other than it isn’t marked as such, is that he states many of his opinions as facts, when they are, in fact, his opinion.

Goldstein writes, “…Episode II Attack of the Clones, which like its immediate predecessor, Episode I The Phantom Menace, is a bitter disappointment for anyone with an abiding affection for Lucas' original trilogy of futurist fantasies.”

Uh, no.  I don’t care whether Patrick hates the films or even if I hate the films, The Phantom Menace sold over 100 million tickets worldwide.  Is that the mark of quality?  No, no, a million times no.  BUT, it tells anyone who wants to hear the truth that there is a large base of people who LOVE The Phantom Menace.  When A.O. Scott wrote that people went to see Menace and now, Clones “out of habit and compulsion, like weary Brezhnev-era Muscovites,” and reporters repeat it as though it was a fact, they are not indicting George Lucas’ disconnection from the public… they are indicting themselves.  They are the ones who are out of touch. 

Does “the public” have bad taste?  Absolutely!!!  (Of course, they also hook into quality at times, which really pisses of film critics.)  But anyone who pays attention to the box office can tell you, they do make choices.  They are not a mindless horde.  Can heavy television advertising return 80 percent of its cost ninety percent of the time in the first weekend?  Yes.  Getting two million people to pay to see crap after you have spent $30 million advertising it is not a problem.  And I have made it clear that I am not a fan of the industry shift towards massive opening weekends as the standard.  But what seems to enrage people like Tony Scott and Patrick and Jeff Wells (who wrote virtually the same column the Patrick printed today months before he even saw Clones… hell, he wrote the same thing before he saw Phantom Menace) is that audiences do go to see Lucas’ movies over and over and over again.  They get hard-ons when Phantom Menace products don’t sell as well as expected at Toys-R-Us and cheer for failure because Lucas isn’t making the film they wanted him to make.

Lucas hasn’t made the film I wanted him to make either!  When I criticize the film, it is my job to point that out.  But it is not my job to psychoanalyze George Lucas and to indulge in a feeding frenzy.  Does anyone remember reading this kind of bile when we were all (and I use that word mockingly, because it is another overstatement) disappointed with The Patriot?  No.  Is Tim Burton being called upon to hang it up because of Planet of the Apes?  No.  When Ken Turan went off on a personal attack against Jim Cameron during the Titanic run, who got hurt?  Turan. 

At least Jeff Wells is psychotic about people’s weights and ages and wrinkles every single week in his column.  For Wells, it matters that Warren Beatty is still thin and that John Travolta went on a diet.   That is part of who Jeff is and it is part of the foundation of his work.  Not for Patrick Goldstein. 

Of course, there was a moment, when it was announced that Jonathan Hales was co-writing with Lucas, that the naysayers offered hope.  Lucas was bringing in someone to mitigate his self-indulgence.  But then the movie arrived and the dialogue was the weakest thing in it and Hales was rarely mentioned again.  (His name does not appear in Goldstein’s piece.)

I have said from early on…  George Lucas is playing us all… he has manipulated the media into doing story after story about how he heard the criticism… and then, he made the movie he wanted to make.  And if you hate it, fine.  And if you love it, fine.  That’s your prerogative, just as it is Lucas’ to make the movie he wants to make. 

From what platform of egomania is Patrick Goldstein, a smart and modest adult male, getting inspired to write, “Lucas should never have directed the movies himself.”  The L.A. Times is not a TalkBack board at Ain’t It Cool News or a cocktail party.  There is not a studio in town, including the highest-minded art house distributors, who would not have killed to get the Star Wars pre-trilogy, as is, even under the limited deal that Lucas has with Fox.  Who knows what the films would be without Lucas at the helm?  And what makes anyone think that Lucas would let some young, hip filmmaker rethink Star Wars?  (Again, think Hales.)

Movies are not democracies.  And we all rail against the current studio system of excessive development and testing and talk about the integrity of the artist… until George Lucas makes a movie that some of us don’t like and then we pile on and talk about how self-indulgent the is. 

We are shooting spitballs from the sidelines and it really angers us that we don’t own bazookas.  But where is all this passion when it comes to movies that really deserve attention? 

Patrick, you should have written a very short column this week.  “An Editorial:  I hate Attack of the Clones and I wish George Lucas would make movies that were more adult minded.” 

And what pisses me off most of all is that I find myself wasting my time defending a movie that really doesn’t mean much to me.  It doesn’t deserve the degree of attack it is suffering, but that has become an annual habit.  Star Wars had half the paid-for hype of Spider-Man, but we spend all day trying to come up with new ways of beating the shit out of this movie and the filmmaker.  That sucks.  And we all need a long, hard look in the mirror when we start acting like schoolyard bullies picking on easy targets and then running for cover when it comes to the truly serious issues.

BOX OFFICE ADD:  Unfaithful held much better than I expected and may actually be building the audience that I thought already abandoned it.  I have problems with the film and suggest About A Boy as a first choice, but it is a film that stirs discussion and that is rare enough to make it worth paying to see.

THE EPISODE III PROJECT:  I’m going to hold off another day or two before putting together the first THB draft of Episode III.  So far, the most often mentioned need for SW:E3 is a memory wipe for C3PO. The most unclear issue is why Anakin turns so horribly on the Jedi… there have been some really interesting ideas.  Anyway, more to come…

NEW THEME SONG:  My favorite singer/songwriters are Elvis Costello and Randy Newman, far ahead of the rest of the pack.  The both have big, black hearts and they both are brilliantly funny.  I have long been amused by the idea that “I Love L.A.” has become the theme song of the city in which I live.  Either no one is listening to the lyrics or they don’t get the joke.  Of course, after living here for over a decade, I now know how much more ambiguous the song is than I thought it was back when I lived in New York City.  “Look at those mountains, look at those trees, look at that bum over there, babe, he’s down on his knees, look at these women, ain’t nothing like them nowhere…”  That’s what living here is like.

Anyway… Elvis Costello, who tried to match “I Love L.A.” with “The Other Side of Summer” hit the mark unintentionally with a song on his new album, When I was Cruel.  The song is called “Alibi” and it says so much of what I feel as I work and live in the entertainment biz.  Okay… so maybe it’s not about all of L.A., just my part of L.A.  I’ve taken out a few of the repeating choruses for the sake of your sanity.

“Alibi” by Elvis Costello

You did it, 'cause you want it
Alibi, alibi
And you took it,
'cause you need it
Alibi, alibi

But if I've done something wrong
There're no ifs and buts
'Cause I love you just as much
As I hate your guts
Alibi, alibi, alibi

You don't need anybody
Alibi, alibi
But you are the only one who knows this
Alibi, alibi
You deserve it, 'cause you're special
Alibi, alibi
Maybe Jesus wants you for a sunbeam
Alibi, alibi

Insane, but I'm mundane
Alibi, alibi
You wanted to be famous
Alibi alibi
Sorry that your mummy doesn't love you
Alibi, alibi
Stop me, if you've heard this
Alibi, alibi

You were weak still
You couldn’t help it
Alibi, alibi
But you never had an opponent
Alibi, alibi

And you are such a people person
Alibi, alibi
And I will be true to you forever
Alibi, alibi
But you stupid and you lazy
Alibi, alibi
And may be we can make the future better
Alibi, alibi

You were happy
You were poor
And more honest
And that’s your
Alibi, alibi

Sister is a whore
Brother isn’t sure
Alibi, alibi
You don’t fit the body you’re trap in
Alibi, alibi
Papa got a brand new
Alibi, alibi

READER OF THE DAY was going to be massive today, but then I got onto my Goldstein rant… which is also why the column was so late.  It was mostly raves for About A Boy and I am probably getting way too far up Universal’s collective rectum, though I really am impressed by the quality of their summer schedule overall… and I want to see Undercover Brother again.  Anyway, here are two letter that try to cover the rest of the summer.

The English John starts the summer session:  “Now that Spider-Man and Attack of the Clones are out of the way (I liked them both) we enter the wild card section of summer. 

I'm looking forward most to Insomnia, Windtalkers, Minority Report, Men in Black II, Road to Perdition and Signs.

I am hoping The Sum of All Fears, The Bourne Identity, Lilo & Stitch, Reign of Fire, Eight Legged Freaks and xXx are good fun.  I'm getting sick of TSOAF trailer; it's in front of everything.  The Bourne identity is one where I'm putting faith in Doug Liman.  Lilo & Stitch I just hope is as funny as Emperor's New Groove.  Reign of Fire is a giant question mark.  Could be as fun as Aliens or as painful as Tomb Raider.  Eight Legged Freaks looks fun but caution must always be had when David Arquette is top-billed.  And xXx looks like there's cool stunts but i hope it's not as vapid as Fast & Furious.  F&F was okay junk food, but I'd want more out of a potential spy franchise.

I fear Enough (was Ashley Judd too busy?), Bad Company (all of Chris Rock's lines in the preview are painful), Divine Secrets of the Blah-Blah Sisterhood, Scooby Doo (looks too much like Flintstones and not enough like Brady Bunch), Mr. Deeds (looks like Sandler on auto-pilot), The Crocodile Hunter (they'd have to pay me to see it), K-19 (Crimson Tide ripoff?), Stuart Little 2, The Country Bears, Austin Powers in Goldmember (the first two are overrated enough), and two-thirds of the slate of August.

No intention of seeing Hey Arnold, The Powerpuff Girls or Like Mike.

Back to Divine Secrets.  Now although it's an ensemble piece, it would seem like Sandra Bullock would have the biggest role, but she's getting billed third in marketing (trailers and tops of posters).  Even when you list the cast alphabetically, she should be first but she's buried between Ashley Judd and James Garner.  Has Bullock's star faded so much?”

(DAVID ANSWERS:  Uh, no.  Judd’s character, which she shares with Ellen Burstyn, is the lead.  My guess is that the alphabet reigns after that.)

And G to the D to the B closes with a down note:  “Now that Spider-Man and Star Wars are out, as far as I'm concerned, summer is over. Period. And I have to say, I'm in a funk. Of course I'll see Minority Report, MiB2, etc. But none of those films have the culture wide event-like excitement as Clones or Spider-Man. It shows, and i'm in the kinda funk you get the day after you get back from a great vacation, (or as an actor) ending a really great run in a play. Summer is over.”

E ME:  Anyone out there are pissy as me today?