Continued ...
July 3, 2002

It’s a theme weekend of sorts, but it’s definitely not about independence.   The three major releases are all derivative, from a sequel to a film version of a TV show to an old-fashioned kids’ fantasy that somehow takes advantage of the world’s most famous basketball player without really having anything to do with him.  All three films get the job done, but none is a home run.  I guess that’s why we get home run derby at the ballpark. Be careful out there.

HEAVY HANGS THE SUIT:  It took five years and a giant spider (or was that a giant dog) to get the Men in Black team back together.  The delay begs the question, “Was it worth the wait?”  Well, no.  Not if you are looking for a moment of clarity that rivals a return to the Star Wars series or the upcoming Indiana Jones IV thrill ride.  Men in Black was a revelation of sorts when it arrived in 1997.  It took the alien invasion idea and turned it on its head.  It took two major movie stars at the height of their popularity and, in an unlikely twist, made them a team.  And director Barry Sonnenfeld and his team populated their freaky universe with some really good actors who made more out of broad gags than one might have thought was reasonable.  Vincent D’Onofrio did some remarkable work as a bug turned man turned bug.  Tony Shaloub killed, as usual.  Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn, Siobhan Fallon, Carel Struycken, David Cross and others all added their twisted skills.

Men in Black II reminds me of Addams Family Values.  I guess that shouldn’t be a surprise.  These are Sonnenfeld’s two sequels.  But both films suffer and succeed because of Sonnenfeld’s sense of trying for brand new things, while staying tethered to some of the successful beats of the original.  So, we get expanded scenes with Frank the Pug and The Worm Guys, plus the latest incarnation of Jack Jeebs, in which Tony Shaloub once again proves to be one of the great character actors.   But we also get a lot of fresh new stuff that is really fun. 

So why isn’t MiB2 an outright smash?  Well, some of the new stuff is simply inferior, in some ways, because CG has become so viable.  The “Mikey” subway sequence is a wonderful idea.  But the CG chase is not as good as the non-CG payoff.  The Lara Flynn Boyle character is less complex as a character than I expect from Sonnenfeld.  She doesn’t have the quirks that I love in his films.  And her physical attribute as an evil alien is primarily represented by elastic fingers that attack people like strands of very fast ivy.   But the gag gets old in a hurry.  And we see it over and over and over again.  If D’Onofrio’s Edgar was a bug and Sonnenfeld constantly played with that, why isn’t plant woman Boyle/Serleena working that angle.  What’s really clever about Johnny Knoxville’s two-headed Scard/Charlie except for the visual gimmick, which is more successful sometimes than others?  

Then again, there are the happy moments.  Will Smith is still Will Smith.  Tommy Lee Jones in postman shorts… priceless.  He deadpans his way through the movie brilliantly.  Shaloub.  Rosario Dawson is a wonderful addition, but she doesn’t get enough character time… too much running.  Patrick Warburton does well, though I could have stood a little more time with him as well.  The great MiB2 tone is set by Biz Markie, who manages to deliver that same freshness that was in the original, even though we have to see a gag coming. 

Men in Black 2 is a true “middle movie.”  It is still lugging the furniture from the original, but it isn’t quite ready to break free.  Wanna know what Men in Black 3 should do?  Leave Manhattan.  J and K are together, tough and experienced.  Time to throw them out of their element.  Just imagine the range of alien hi-jinks that could be found in a place like Disneyland… the ultimate suburban getaway combined with unlimited opportunities for disguise.  What about a TV network or movie studio run by aliens?  Illegal alien immigration?  There’s a fine line, but it could be walked brilliantly.

Fine thought on MiB2… no one who liked the original is going to be seriously disappointed by the original.  It’s kind of like a bad orgasm… right, there are no bad orgasms, just some that are better than others.  MiB2 will leave you smiling and willing to go on another date, but it’s not going to be the best you ever had.

TOO MUCH MO, NOT ENOUGH JO JO JO:  What’s the number one question you must ask when adapting a cartoon or comic to the big screen?  I would say that it all starts with “Origin or Non-Origin.”  Richard Donner’s Superman was a terrific origin movie that paid off in Superman II.  Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man is nothing but an origin movie and works really well.  Tim Burton’s Batman did the origin in flashbacks.  Bryan Singer’s X-Men just jumps right in, focusing on two characters joining an established group with a long history of mutanthood. 

In front of every Powerpuff Girls cartoon, there is a 30 second origin story…

“Sugar. Spice. And everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction... Chemical X. Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born!  Using their ultra-superpowers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!”

That’s it.  Clear, clean and not terribly complicated.  So, why does The Powerpuff Girls Movie spend the entire 80-something minutes of its running time on basically an origin story?  I don’t know.

I am a fan of The Powerpuff Girls.  I find the series delightfully rangey.  There is the old fashioned earnestness of the whole thing combined with some really weird ideas, some of them way, way, way beyond what you expect from a kid’s cartoon.  One villain is “Him,” an ambi-sexual villain with heart-shaped claws for hands and a voice that gets more male or female depending on “Him’s” mood.  One recurring character, Sara Bellum, is the brains of the operation (very punny), but is also a buxom redhead in a skintight dress and stiletto’s whose face we never see.   Then there is “The Boogie Man,” who is a disco-era creep, complete with disco ball, haunting children’s sleep time.  Or the cross-dressing Mojo Jojo, trying to lull the girls into a false sense of trust before unleashing his fury.  Or Lucky Rabbit King, the cereal ad creation that can never get any cereal because “it’s for the youth” and loses his mind, becoming a violent criminal in the process.

The made-for-the-big-screen cartoon has none of that range.  It’s got fun moments and a glorious lack of CG animation (with the exception of one mirrored ball).  But it never got to the good stuff.  Warner Bros. has undersold this thing to a degree that makes Tommy Lee Jones’ MiB2 performance look broad.  But I think they could have crossed over… if they limited the origin story to the first act and then brought on the bad guys, including at least one we hadn’t ever met.  Given that they weren’t trying to find a wider audience, so Craig McCracken & Co. knew that most of the audience was going to be made up of people who had seen the TV show over and over and over again, why not push the envelope?  If the people paying for tickets were already Powerpuff fans, why do the origin for the entire film?   Origins were known to most viewers, so do something new. 

Uh, sorry, Mojo JoJo took over the review for a minute there…

If you love the girls, you will enjoy this movie.  But there is little to make it worth rushing to a theater near you.  You can keep watching the show on TV and wait for the video.  And that’s too bad.  The girls are amongst my favorite adult cartoon creations, along with The Simpsons, South Park, John Kricfalusi’s Ren & Stimpy and Ralph Bakshi’s degenerate version of Mighty Mouse.  Yet, they are the most family friendly.  A little too friendly this time out.

LIKE MIKE:  “It’s nice.”

Is that damning with faint praise?  Perhaps. 

About halfway through the bare-90-minute-long Like Mike, I realized that I was watching a Disney family programmer from the late 60s, early 70s.  You remember.  Films like, The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, The World’s Greatest Athlete, Freaky Friday, The Apple Dumpling Gang.  

I guess I’m not 6 years old anymore. 

Objectively, I would say that Like Mike is a decent, kind-hearted film.  It’s not particularly well made.  It’s not particularly clever.   It has some charismatic actors in it, including Bow Wow.  But it also goes with the unfortunate current trend of going quite dark at times, even though it is meant for little kids.  (My nephew was disturbed to find that one of the kids in Hardball was killed mid-movie… not fun.) 

The movie tries to appear deep and never delivers on that level.  The orphanage is right out of Annie.  I half expected Crispin Glover to start singing “Easy Street.”  The inevitable father for 'Lil Bow Wow is really more of a brother and the movie should have stayed with that… this kids are really past the point of finding parents, they just need good homes with people who will love them.  The “evil orphan bully” walked out of a Little Rascals cartoon. 

And the magical shoes!!!  What?!  Why?!  How?!  We knew they worked, but there wasn’t much magic.  Why wasn’t the kid averaging 50 points a game with these things instead of a “league leading” 25 points a game?  Where did the magic come from?  What kind of idiot has a kid hanging on electrical wires in the rain?!?!?!?  And why didn’t it turn out that the shoes were the shoes that the basketball star who comes into the kid’s life had as a kid… when he dreamed of being Mike?  Duh!  So obvious, it had to be improved upon to avoid.  It wasn’t.

All that said, I didn’t hate this movie.  I got thorough without much growling.  And your 12-and-under boy will enjoy it, I’m sure.   But do him a favor and rent The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes… the original one with Kurt Russell, not the Kirk Cameron remake.  It’s a better flavor of cheese.

READER OF THE DAY:   Anon writes:  “The real victims of the Academy decision are the trades, which, now, will have to make their yearly hay in four fewer weeks. To them, I'm guessing, it will be a catastrophe. It also means a month less time for studios to fabricate phony gossip about the nominated pictures. Thank god, indeed!

Oscar noms and awards mean a whole lot at Blockbuster, if not the box office. Look at the tags on newish DVDs, including 'Beautiful Mind.' That's where the real money is today.”

Hey Man sent this in:  “Don't why I felt compelled to write about this, but I saw Mr. Deeds last night and it was truly awful.  I know a lot people won't be surprised by that, but here's the thing: I actually like Adam Sandler comedies.  Little Nicky was a bit weak, but still had some charm, and Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and Big Daddy all made me crack up repeatedly.  They're stupid, yes, but Sandler's charming and the whole "let's-get-together-and-make-a-movie" feel of his group is amateurish but infectious.  But Deeds.  Someone spiked the punch.  Never has a Sandler film felt so processed, so by the numbers.  All the stupid charm is gone.  And, and this is the part I really can't believe, it left me yearning for the directorial skill of Dennis Dugan.  Director Steven Brill apparently never learned what an establishing shot is.  And for some reason, he also constantly uses a soft focus on Winona Ryder.  Is she looking that bad.”

 

E ME:  It’s a big, long weekend… let us all know what you thought of the films!