October 25, 2002

There are two ghost ships this weekend… 

One is – duh! – Ghost Ship.  The other is The Truth About Charlie, which will remain - for now, at least – a ghost of Charade… whether it’s fair or not.

The less interesting title is the action/horror movie, produced by the Zemeckis/Silver/Adler company that they started for just this kind of film… the B-movie chiller thriller.  And damn it, this one starts out incredibly promisingly. 

The film starts in the past… ghost ship is in the past, in its time.  Men and women laugh and dance, dressed to the nines.  An Italian torch-singing knockout moves seductively in her electric red dress… and then the movie begins, not with a bang or a whimper… with something much, much worse.  And something really original, but gloriously reminiscent of the great ghouly Brit horror flicks of the 60s and 70s… worthy of Dario Argento. 

Second-time director Steve Beck still suffers from first-time-director disease. (Close-up, close-up, close-up, close-up… there is a table scene early on and I swear, the master must have been burnt or something.)  But he has some really nice ideas.  He also has great taste in actors.  Gabriel Byrne and Isaiah Washington are both quite high on my list.  Ron Eldard can bring it when he wants to.  Juliana Margulies may have been an in-house, inexpensive choice, but she shows here that she can carry the weight, basically playing the lead. 

So I was very frustrated when Beck & Co. just kept making the wrong decisions.  Some things were too underdone.  I found the little girl whose been at the center of the banner campaign and her relationship with her human just about right.  But the haunting of the rest of the players…. Just not daring enough.  The movie proves that it can be pretty twisted, but it just isn’t twisted enough.  Yet, there are way overdone elements as well.  Watching the movie, you get the feeling that Steve Beck would have kept the whole movie scored in the 50s lounge music style.  But as soon as we get a desperate montage, here comes the heavy metal.  You can practically hear the meeting.  “It’s too slow.  The kids love that loud shit!”  Maybe.  But it still feels more like desperation editing and really irritating.

This was one of those movies where the really clever third act just never materializes.  I don’t want to give anything specific away, but there is one character who is killed and this movie would have been a lot better if he had come back to ghost life for an entire act, finally free of some of the restraint he felt in life.   But no… he’s just dead.   Yawn. 

Thing is, a movie like this has to be a step ahead of us because this territory is so well trod.  The golden oldie twist is great.. but they give up on it.  The maniacally extreme violence can be fun… but we only get it once.   And if you are going to make a “count movie” – a movie in which one character has to achieve a numbered goal – there had better be a clear count and there had better be clear consequences.  Cause if Beck thought he was riffing on The Devil’s Advocate, he didn’t come close to the very underrated Taylor Hackford/Pacino-scenery-chewing movie.  Francesca Rettondini’s breasts are bigger than Connie Nielsen’s and Charlize Theron’s combined… but they are not used to anywhere near as smart an effect.

I didn’t hate Ghost Ship… and many will.  But it was like a bright kid who should be doing better than C- work.

The Trouble With Charlie has a whole different series of problems.  And they begin before you walk into the theater.  Newsflash!  Mark Wahlberg isn’t Cary Grant.  Do you think Jon Demme is a moron?  Me either.  So, he must know that Mark Wahlberg isn’t Cary Grant.  Right?  Okay… so give him a freakin’ break!!! 

Now, Demme makes a film that is much more about sex than romance… a modern element.  No fading to black these days.  Thandie Newton is a woman into whom men instinctively, elementally want to insert their penises.  Ladies, it is not our fault.  When you aren’t being taken by those massive eyes, or her skin… the color of rich, dark coffee softened with sweet rich cream… there is that body that is just plain nutty!   There is a scene in the police station where the men are ogling her and she has this sweet innocent thing going, but when she gets up her erect nipples are unavoidable… and she is sex.  And all she wants to do after finding out that her husband has been murdered is to sleep with Mark Wahlberg. Do you think that Jon Demme is a moron?   Me either.  So why doesn’t he realize that if Wahlberg was hung like Dirk Diggler and she knew it, he would have a hard time getting to first base with this woman.  There is no sexual chemistry here.  The dead husband, Charlie, isn’t exactly gorgeous.  But he seems to be clever and charming, whereas Wahlberg comes across as a retired underwear model.  I’d much more quickly believe that she was doing Tim Robbins in the merry-go-round.  Far more her type.  Clooney? Absolutely.  Colin Farrell?  Sure.  Ewan MacGregor.   Uh-huh.  Boy Scout with pecs?  No.

Thing is, The Truth About Charlie is not about finding out the truth about Charlie.  We figure that out in the opening sequences.  The heart of this film seems to be a romp around Paris with a stunningly sexy woman being chased by a parade of men and women who have a mission but can’t help sniffing her like a bunch of horny dogs when they get close.   But it never gets out of dock.  Mad Dog And Glory got it.  A Fish Called Wanda got it.  The Truth About Charlie doesn’t get it.  The adaptation is kind of loose… it should have been looser. 

Critics are going to savage this film out of respect to Charade and that’s not really fair.  But if Demme had gone to Paris with the 24p DV camera that he frequently uses in the film and made the much looser, more Paris-loving, lighter-hearted movie that he seemed to be aiming at, critics would be wetting their pants and throwing bouquets his way.  Instead, they are going to see this bloated, big studio, not-up-to-snuff remake of a movie they revere… even if they haven’t bothered to see it in the last 20 years. 

I still can’t say that waiting for video/DVD isn’t the right call.  But you should see it when that time comes, because there are some lovely, fun, movie movie touches.  Now, if Wahlberg and Tim Robbins had switched roles….

P.S. Sorry for the double boob-mention reviews… I guess it’s really a triple boob day, including Wahlberg’s role.  But the exposure in Ghost Ship in intriguing and, ultimately, completely gratuitous.  But it/they is/are given as much attention as any of the other special effects.  And that Thandie Newton… well… she is somethin’ special too.

DVD OPPORTUNITY:  If you buy a DVD this weekend from our fine DVD sponsor, Digital Eyes, you will have the chance to win one of five free copies of the great indie documentary, Modern Tribalism, from the recently hitched doc team of Rick Kent and Mimi George.  This is one of the films that I was thrilled to include in last year’s Miami Film Festival.  (Click on the title for more info.) And you still get your other THB benefit, $5 off with any order of $25 or more.  All that not enough?  Well, each of our five giveaway copies of Modern Tribalism will be signed by the filmmakers to you… a one-of-a-kind opportunity.  And all you have to do is to buy a DVD of your choice at a good price with great service.  You can even get Spider-Man swinging into your mailbox by November 1.  Can’t beat that.  

WEEKEND PREVIEW:  The dim double feature is joined in wide release ranks by Jackass: The Movie.  Oddly, Paramount did not invite me to see Jackass: The Movie.  I would like to think that I might possibly enjoy Jackass: The Movie.  But now, I will never, ever know.  Never.

Besides the three wide openings – though Universal’s light release of Charlie seems odd – there are ten exclusive or limited releases as well, including a re-release of Halloween: Resurrection, the unreleasable Waking Up In Reno, the brilliant and tough Roger Dodger and two Oscar hopefuls, Miramax’s Frida and UA’s All or Nothing. 

The Ring adds 653 screens, while Punch-Drunk Love starts to widen, expanding to 481 venues this weekend.

WEEKEND GUESSTIMATES

1. Jackass: The Movie – 2509 venues – new - $15 million
2. Ghost Ship – 2787 venues – new - $14.8 million
3. The Ring – 2634 venues – off 40 percent - $9 million
4. Sweet Home Alabama – 3182 venues – off 38 percent - $5.9 million
5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding – 1967 venues - off 20 percent - $5.7 million
6. Punch-Drunk Love – 481 venues – n/a - $4.9 million
7. Red Dragon – 2878 venues – off 53 percent  - $4.1 million
8. The Truth About Charlie – 752 venues – new - $3.8 million
9. Veggie Tales – 1625 venues – off 15 percent - $3.5 million
10. The Transporter – 1880 venues – off 46 percent - $2.7
11. Brown Sugar – 1139 venues – off 50 percent - $2.6 million

READER OF THE DAY:  As promised earlier this week, SHERLOCK’S NO SHIT BUDDY writes:  “I think you're on to something with your remark that Ellen Pompeo has that sexy, smart, adult woman, but "needs to eat something."  The problem with these new girls is that they're all too skinny to, literally, carry that much weight onscreen.  Can you imagine Kirsten Dunst seducing you into killing her husband?  No.  The chronic skinniness of today's actresses, who look like they are about to buckle under the weight of their own heads, makes them look too busy standing around, not eating, and waiting for male approval.  No wonder everyone complains that female roles don't have the same importance in movies as male roles.  Christina Ricci missed her chance at femme fatale-hood when, after The Opposite of Sex and Sleepy Hollow, she starved herself into the emaciated Powerpuff Girl we see before us today.

I noticed this last night, seeing Punch-Drunk Love.  It occurred to me that Anderson was having a great time photographing Emily Watson, a great actress with an off-beatly beautiful face and an almost overpoweringly sexy body.  Watch the scene where she and Sandler are sitting and waiting in the airport in Hawaii, and she sort of leans forward into him.  The curve of her hips is something few other actresses even have the physicality to pull off.  Watch the scene where she walks to her car outside Sandler's warehouse, then turns toe to ask him out.  Her womanly swagger here is a thrill, and note that, in this movie, it is she who sweeps the man off his feet.”

And NOT THE OUTFIELDER noticed that although the style was mocking, the Oscar potential information was real… and he adds:  “It's never too early to plan one's 2003 movie-going.

Yes, to "Cold Mountain."  It will be big and award-worthy.

Among the films you did not mention, I want to see the following:

"Casa de los Babys" by John Sayles.  A great cast of ladies.

"Second Hand Lions" with Michael Caine and Robert Duvall. 

"The Far Side of the World" by Peter Weir with Russell Crowe.

"The Clearing" with Redford, Helen Mirren, and Willem Dafoe.

"The Set-Up" by Sidney Lumet.  (It's time to hear from him again.)

And what is "Edgardo Mortaro" with Anthony Hopkins and Javier Bardem?

And finally, there will be the new Merchant-Ivory film (the title of which escapes me) set in Paris, starring Glenn Close (among many others).

I think it's safe to say 2003 will be a very good year for adults who like serious films.”

E ME:  The weekend is here.  You know what you have to do.