December 30 , 2002

GEE BEE writes: “I always love critics' worst lists (the critics I enjoy and respect anyway) because I seem to end up enjoying many of the movies they loathe. My "embarrassments" from your list include "Van Wilder" (the only one that I actually own), "The Four Feathers" (was it my mood -- I enjoyed it while I watched it) and "Two Weeks Notice" (I laughed). In addition there were a few that I enjoyed for some reason but can't really explain why (or just am not very passionate about them one way or the other): "Bad Company," "High Crimes," "Amy's Orgasm".

In thinking back over all the movies I either didn't enjoy or actively loathed, I realize that I have a long list this year. Equally as long of a list is the movies I didn't see but I heard so many negative things or they just looked horrid. I think that frame of reference is always key to a list (and appreciate that you provide yours), so here goes with the ones I just didn't see: Imposter, Kung Pow!, Rollerball, Big Bad Love, How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog, All About the Benjamins, Festival in Cannes, Sorority Boys, No Such Thing, Lucky Break, Joshua, Vulgar, Deuces Wild, Juwanna Mann, Hey Arnold!, The First $20 Million ..., The Powerpuff Girls, The Crocodile Hunter, Never Again, The Country Bears, Who is Cletis Tout?, Master of Disguise, Pluto Nash, Serving Sara, Stealing Harvard, The Tuxedo, Just a Kiss, Jonah, Welcome to Collinwood, Pokemon4Ever, Formula 51, Jackass, The Truth About Charlie, All the Queen's Men, Waking up in Reno, Weight of Water, Half Past Dead, Friday After Next, Extreme Ops, Empire, Star Trek: Nemesis, and Pinocchio.

It seem this year there were also numerous that I didn't like or didn't get, but I wouldn't actively try talk someone out of seeing them: The Brotherhood of the Wolf (although I can see why others do), Storytelling, Slackers, Birthday Girl, Big Trouble, Hollywood Ending, The New Guy, Spirit, Undercover Brother, The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys, Pumpkin, Me Without You, Read My Lips, 8 Legged Freaks, Full Frontal, Swimfan, 8 Women, Spirited Away (I know I know, I am the only one), Knockaround Guys, Auto Focus, Ghost Ship, God Is Great, I'm Not, The Hot Chick, Gangs of New York, The Last

Kiss, CQ, Human Nature, Equilibrium, World Traveler, Hart's War and The Time Machine.

Unfortunately, this year had more than I can ever remember of films that just make my skin crawl. A few brief words on each (and in no particular order):

* El Crimen Del Padre Amaro: I am not Catholic or even very religious so I wasn't offended. I just felt like it was a cartoon with each priest being so over-the-top in their "crimes." I felt like they should be in black all the time and laugh hysterically after everything they said.

* Femme Fatale: "Whatever." Not to give anything away but that was my reaction to the big twist. Add in the fact that she was soooo unbelievable in the role.

* I Spy: I might have picked this one as the WORST. I can't say that I was expecting much but I actually walked out of the movie mad about how unfunny it was; how lame the action was; and how the two leads (whom I usually like) seemed to just walk through it.

* Swept Away: Just stop already. Or stick to musicals.

* The Emperor's Club: It is the movie this year that will most consistently make you groan at "the cheese" for the entire running time.

* The Rules of Attraction: A perfect example of how a "shocking" movie can be soooo boring and unshocking. Plus what is up with Vanderbeek's "The Shining" impersonation?

* Queen of the Damned/Resident Evil/Wes Craven Presents They/JasonX /feardotcom: Ummmm ... why do I always think I am going to like these??

* Collateral Damage: Couldn't it have just stayed unreleased?

* John Q: More preaching than you would find in church.

* Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights: Surprisingly the first one of his movies that actually grossed me out more than I could take. And it was a cartoon.

* Super Troopers: Okay, so I didn't get it. Had quite a few people tell me it was hilarious. Which movie was I watching?

* Showtime: Is it just me or did they both seem to hate being in this. I just felt like they were uncomfortable they whole time they were filming.

* Death to Smoochy: To be honest, the only one I actually walked out of 1/2 hour into it. Maybe it got better but I couldn't take anymore.

* Harvard Man: It might have had a story but the acting was so off (and I like most of these people) that I couldn't tell.

* New Best Friend: There are reasons why studios dump films.

* Triumph of Love: Just the whole idea of Mira Sorvino playing this role was wrong ...

* The Scorpion King: The Mummy movies are guilty pleasures for me. This is not.

* Murder by Numbers: I still may be asleep due to this one.

* Chelsea Walls: Huh?

* Windtalkers: Nothing worked. Cage's worst acting. The action scenes were not exciting. And the story could have been so much more.

* Men in Black 2: I was duped. I thought the trailer was funny. By the time the movie had come out, I had seen the trailer so many times that those scenes didn't make me laugh. Neither did anything else. Still like that dog, though.

* Reign of Fire: I hate saying this, but it was just too slow for me and the over-acting of Matthew McC just drove me nuts.

* K-19: The Widowmaker: By the 1/2 hour mark I just didn't care.

* Blood Work: Knew who the killer was right away and I swear the woman in it was actually asleep while she was "acting" (does her face ever move???).

* Undisputed: I am really surprised quite a few critics liked this. I still look forward to movies with Rhames and Snipes, though ...

· Ballistic: Did they even try to put a plot into this???”

THE OTHER DP writes: “Two things to be thankful for:

1. The Time Machine only made your runnerup list and not your worst list (some of us did find much charm in the movie and you know exactly who it was).

2. Winning the White Oleander paintbox. It was really cute and I felt honored to be a THB winner.

Things that suck:

1. The movie review show I was on got cancelled just before Die Another Day came out.

2. No Guy Pearce movies for almost a year (The Time Machine in March 2002 and Till Human Voices Wake Us in February 2003 -- my fingers are crossed it won't get moved)

LEW-D writes: “I do want to say I NEVER got "Solaris." The only thing that I kept thinking after the film was "why didn't I like that?" I was totally engrossed in the acting, the set and so on...but in the end, I felt like Soderberg copped out. It was as if he was saying "well, we're dealing with a creature/planet that is faaaar to complex for us to understand so, we won't even try. fade out." I didn't hate the film, it just felt slight. Looked great, felt slight.

I also think you're WAY off on "Rules of Attraction." Roger Avary created a film that is more or less an updated version of the Renoir classic "Rules of the Game." It deals with existentialist angst in a way I have never seen before. Avary also does some truly stunning camera work including the opening sequence which is played forward and back, the AMAZING split screen shot in the hallway and above all, the excruciating suicide scene. I think you missed the boat on that film!

TOP 15 MOVIES OF 2002 THAT MADE ME DROOL AND FORGET I OWE THE IRS $2000+

1. Rules of Attraction (was VanDerBeek the reason this AMAZING movie bombed?)
2. Igby Goes Down
3. Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers ( note to Mr. Lucas- see these movies and take copious notes!)
4. Adaptation (maybe one of the best movies ever, yet not my favorite...hmmm....)
5. Y Tu Mama Tambien
6. I Am Trying To Break your Heart
7. Secretary
8. Punch Drunk Love
9. Standing in the Shadows of Motown (for God's sake-SEE THIS MOVIE!!!)
10. the Kid Stays in the Picture
11. Minority Report
12. Frailty (so overlooked, so awesome)
13. Spiderman
14. About a Boy
15. Rabbit-Proof Fence

Honorable mention: Finders Fee (directed by Jeff Probst of "Survivor," an exciting Noirish character study starring James Earle Jones and Matt Lillard...a great movie with NO distribution! Crazy.), Moonlight Mile, Slaughterhouse Rules, NARC (really good!), Changing Lanes.....

Movie I hated most: Femme Fatale (NOW lovers of DePalma are trying to say he meant this as a comedy...ouch!)

Movie I just didn't get whilst everyone else freaks over: Far From Heaven

THE A ROD writes: ‘The major missing box office story is SIGNS. The story goes beyond box office to the national zeitgeist ... the American character and the state of American culture. How could a movie this inept, this lame, this pretentious, this over-blown, predictable and redundant have failed to be laughed out of theatres? People went to it. They liked it.

(SPOLIERS FOLLOW)

("My favorite part was where the nine year old feeb kills the ravening dog with the barbeque fork." "No, no, I loved it when the super-pwered alien got trapped in some hick's pantry!" "Wrong! The coolest part was when you knew the brother was going to grab the bat - how many interminable close-ups does it take?? - and yet you had to just wait and wait while the alien was sucking the life out of the kid and Mel had his ‘profound' flashbacks before he finally did it!" "Got you all beat. Aliens who find water lethal attack the water planet! That's the best! No one told thm human beings are eighty percent water. What does an alien say to that? Oops?" "Okay, okay, the plot is dopey and the alien looks like a guy in a big rubber suit, but none of that matters compared to M.Night's vanity cameo! Go M. Night!" "What about the custom made, perfectly fitted boards for the windows? Did they order them from Hammacher Schlemmer?" "You're all crazy! I loved that fantastic action sequence, when they have to fight their way through a house filled with horrible aliens to save the boy's life and retrieve his asthma inhaler!" "Hello! That never happened, remember? They put him flat on his back and prayed instead. Breath-taking heroics there! Literally ... since the worst thing you can for an asthmatic is put him on his back.")

Of course, the praying is the key to it. Americans made the LEFT BEHIND books huge hits, too. And elected George W. So this inconceivable hit tells us more than we might like to know about its audience. That's the most depressing part.

Underrated sequels? WAYNE'S WORLD II”

REST IN PIERCE writes: “did you ever see '13 conversations about one thing'? i'm not sure when it came out in the big cities, but i finally saw it here in des moines sometime in august, and it was one of my favorite films of the year. it stuck with me for a few days like you say about films like 'solaris'. the only critic i've heard even mention it was ebert, who put it on his ten best list. i didn't see it on any of your lists (best or worst), and was just wondering what you thought about it, or if it slipped through your viewing.

i saw 'adaptation' on a trip to chicago over the holidays, and the most disappointing thing is the lack of oscar talk for nicholas cage. i know he has been in a lot of crap over the past few years, but give the guy a break-this is probably the most original movie since 'malkovich' and he carries the whole story and pulls it off brilliantly. it will be a crime if cooper or streep are the only ones to walk away with nominations.”

A SEPARATE NOLL writes: “It is with great reservation that I submit a top ten list. Not living near a big city I have not seen a great many films that I am sure would be eligible for my list. As such, I preface my list by saying that films such as The Pianist, City of God, Chicago, the 25th Hour, Talk to Her, Y Tu Mama Tambien and many others are not on my list because I have simply not seen them. In fact today I drove more than an hour from my town to see the film that is now at the top of my list.

So here is my top ten as of now....it is sure to change in the coming weeks....

1. Adaptation
2. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
3. Gangs of New York
4. Bowling For Columbine
5. Solaris
6. Rules of Attraction
7. Road to Perdition, The
8. Catch Me If You Can
9. Far From Heaven
10. Punch Drunk Love

Honerable Mention: About A Boy, Bourne Identidy, Frailty, Good Girl, Late Marriage, Minortiy Report, Moonlight Mile, One Hour Photo

So there it is. There are at least 20 other films that could have creeped onto this list. In addition there are over 20 films I haven't seen that might make it. All that tells me that this has been a great year to be a film lover. Wouldn't you agree?”

AND BLAH BLAH BLAH writes: “Due to a desert city and dry funds, I can't even claim to name the best movies of 2002. But I can give a little list--an audience for 2002.

Y Tu Mama Tambien -- Yes, this movie's narrative works on many levels. But more impressive was the variety of its audience. I saw it in a small L.A. suburb and needed to sit on the aisle steps. The house was packed with Hispanics and Anglo suburbanites, ranging in age from 18 to 80. Imagine: a distribution house with the wherewithal to break a bisexual NC-17 foreign language film into a bilingual market so successfully!

Visitor Q + Happiness of the Katakuris -- Takashi Miike is no mere shock artist. Some folks love to embrace the outre, like the guy sitting behind me during HOTK who so wanted camp value that he chuckled and read aloud everything written, from subtitles to the make of a chair and a T-shirt slogan. Sheesh. Yes, Visitor Q drove my jaw 30 levels below ground. Happiness of the Katakuris made me break into a few mad grins. But Miike sails the films' extremes with a very sure hand, depositing the viewer safely upon a moral shore. He provides a viewing experience like no other director. These two movies are stunning treatises on family, love and mortality.

Time Out -- I think this is a sleeper. It might make some folks fall asleep. But it will be a strong influence to young filmmakers that see it, as Yang's 'Yi-Yi' was. (I know film students across the U.S. and Europe who pulled elements of that movie's style and story for their projects.) 'Time Out' perfectly captures its space--the concrete architecture of a rootless society. I haven't forgotten the road at night, and that feeling of being there with the main character--nowhere. It is far more chilling than a thriller where normal surfaces conceal madmen. This is about a normal man pretending normality. It deals with work and worth. It is for those people that drive, drink coffee, go on business trips, talk to strangers, sleep in hotels or at home, salaried or not. If you wake up every day with some greater goal in mind, this is an important confrontation. A gnaw on the line of belief that connects the ideas in your mind to worth and

OT: Our Town -- I think this will find wide release in 2003. I saw it at a few festivals. A few great documentary moments this year -- A chorus of men from a dying Nordic town take a bus trip to Russia in 'Cool and Crazy.' In 'Mule Skinner Blues,' a charismatic alcoholic trailer-park denizen finally makes his dream movie featuring a vengeful swamp ape. Then he falls off the wagon, losing his dignity and home. When he sobers up again, he takes the doc crew to visit his rock bottom monument: the mattress in the woods where he slept. And he dances on it! In 'Tribute,' just watch the AC/DC crew put on their make-up. Kick ass. But 'OT' should resonate for decades. A high school teacher stages 'Our Town' at a Compton high school--the first play put on there for 20-odd years. Following the play's thematic structure, the audience discovers the richness of Compton's community (love; marriage; death) as the kids discover the universality of Gr
So, those are 2002's present and future audience movies.

The others I absolutely endorse:
About A Boy
Baran
The Mothman Prophecies
Punch-Drunk Love
Spirited Away
Undercover Brother
and
Teenage Caveman (if you like to watch teenagers drinking, having sex, blowing up and turning into zombies. He-he.)”

E ME: What are you bests and worst of 2002?