February 13, 2003

Today's column has been like pulling my own teeth… every time I've been ready to start rolling along, something has kept me from moving forward. I've had some good ideas and interesting conceits, but just as my fingers warmed to the task, a long phone call or a leaky ceiling or a door-to-door duct tape salesman got in the way.

So, as long as I half-assed the MCN Oscar column today and I'm already incredibly late with this column, I'm going to leave it to the readers to save my bacon.

READERS OF THE DAY!!!

ON THE TRAM writes: "Ah... I think it has become a tradition that the Oscar nominations manage to be disappointing as the years go by. This year, I was crushed when Adaptation and Far From Heaven failed to garner Best Picture nods. I was also quietly rooting for About a Boy, despite it being a lost cause. The year before---it was Memento. And the year before that was You Can Count On Me and Almost Famous.

It just sucks that movies like Gangs of New York and Chicago gets so much attention from the Academy because of its clever Oscar campaigns (thanks to Harvey Weinstein). And now middle America moviegoers will be looking forward to the aforementioned Miramax films, while better quality films like Adaptation remain ignored or stuck in the small art house theaters (for about a few weeks)."

GO GO VENEZUELA writes: "Thanks to The Lord of the Rings --and obviously Gladiator-- the next trend will be sword and sandals type of films. That'll happen when Troy (with Brad Pitt), Hannibal (with Vin Diesel), Alexander (with Leonardo Di Caprio) and Gates of Fire (directed by Michael Mann) are released."

MAD MAD MATTY McD writes: "My Big Fat Greek Wedding will most certainly win Best Original Screenplay if, for no other reason, than it was written by an actress. Nia will join Emma and Matt & Ben in the ranks of Oscar-winning writers who'll most likely never write again. And as mentioned each time this happens, it's because the largest percentage of voters are actors, and are always willing to award plucky, up-by-your-own-bootstrap fellow thesps."

ANGRA-LEAH writes (hide the children's eyes): "i predict the next smelly trend will be a big, steaming pile of bullshit covered with well-dressed flies come 'academy awards' night, and i for one have no intention of subjecting myself to that stink.

here, here to 'canadave' for telling it like it is regarding peter j. is there some not-so-subtle hollywood bigotry going on here? if pj were an american living in hollywood instead of a weird little kiwi creating these films, would he be 'on the list'? you bet your candy ass he would. perhaps new line didn't do their job in making it clear to the 'directors' who nominate their own how bloody difficult it was to make ttt... the battle for helm's deep alone took almost four months of night filming in inclement weather staging complex and dangerous battle sequences with many hundreds of 'soldiers' in complicated costumes and armour and weapons (an entire battalion of the nz army was called into helms deep to make up numbers of uruk-hai soldiers), every detail overseen by a calm and collected pj the ringmaster, to create one of the most intense battle scenes ever put to film; i bet this battle alone was more difficult and challenging to create than all the other four 'best picture' nominees put together, and i also bet the five nominated directors would have lasted all of a month until they collapsed exhausted in their posh trailers, the powderpuffs that they are (with the exception of scorsese, who is a tough little bastard, he may have held up a little longer than the others by sheer force of badass will...)

helm's deep was not just a bunch of cgi, as many people seem to believe, it was real and full-on and harrowing for those involved, there are guys still walking around wellington wearing their 'i survived helm's deep' t-shirts, and when you say to them, 'wow, you were at helm's deep, what was it like?' they look at you with slightly wild eyes and say, 'maaaate...it was fucking awesome', shaking their heads in disbelief.

thank goodness pj has nice chubby cheeks to take such a slap in the face by his fellow directors, and for lotr not to be at least nominated for costumes (i've seen many of them at te papa and they are absolutely beautiful and stunningly detailed), is frankly disgusting. add to this the homophobic academy's dissing of far from heaven, perhaps the most critically acclaimed movie of the year, and i am forever soured on the 'oscars'."

8 MILE J-LE writes: "One thing I'm totally sick of in the post-nominations coverage is the bitching by these Lord of the Rings geeks, cursing the academy and promising vengeance next year when their so-called "masterpiece" finally, and thankfully, concludes. Yes, they curse and call the academy a "fraud," but next year (and god help us) if Return of the King does happen to win the oscars it "deserves," those same people will be praising the academy to the heavens because they have seen the light and honored the "right" film.

The mass cult of followers who have memorized Tolkien's books are pumping these films up as something that, as someone who hasn't read the books, just cannot understand. The films are boring and silly. There aren't even two towers in the damned "Two Towers;" to me, there was one tower and then a hill. I didn't see any damned two towers. Am I crazy? Did I just miss something? Maybe because the crazy film skips from place to place with no explanation of what is happening or who is doing what. This isn't even to mention the supposedly badass wizard of the world (Christopher Lee) who can't do shit as the giant
walking, talking trees destroy all he has built. And that stupid elf that never runs out of arrows even though he kills about 300 people with his bow. I guess it's just me. Must not "get it." But it's still irritating, and I just had to vent. Sorry."

THE WRIGHT STUFF writes: "I agree with you and your cohorts, the Oscar noms are predictable. Why no Leo? Richard Gere (the whole cast got nominated but him); Dennis Quaid and City of God? I'm protesting by not watching."

ON THE SCHNEID writes: "The only trend that I can foresee at the moment is one that has been going strong for years and shows no signs of letting up: Oscar Bitching.

Let me be clear. I'm not saying that it's wrong to disagree with Oscar Nominations or wins. For someone who really loves and cares about movies, having an opinion on this topic is unavoidable, and for someone who likes to talk about movies, intelligent discussion of the nominations is certainly acceptable. But honestly, what's up with all the outrage and vehemence?

My picks certainly would've looked very little like the ones the Academy chose. But the fact of the matter is that we all knew right from the beginning that we weren't going to be satisfied with how the votes fell this year or any year. Maybe it's Harvey Weinstein's fault. Maybe it's the ancient or artistically conservative academy members' fault. Maybe it's studio politics that have nothing to do with (gasp!) the creative value of the past year's crop of movies. Maybe it's a combination of all these things. But the point is: that's just the way things are. I'm certainly not going to be able to fix it myself, and neither is any amount of outrage posted on movie news websites or printed in reviewers' columns. The Oscars are once again the results of a large group of people who are not you, choosing what they like for whatever reasons they find persuasive. Just because they're in the Academy doesn't mean that they necessarily know a damn thing about how to recognize a quality movie.

Which brings us to the following: like everyone seems to say every year, the Oscars are bullshit. But instead of just using that as the opening or closing line of a long, time-consuming rant about how they got it wrong this time, I think it's time for the majority of us to really show our belief in that statement by truly letting the whole thing slide on a personal level. Sure, I'll check for the results the morning after. But I'm not going to emotionally exert myself over them in any way.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not criticizing everyone with a take on the Oscar picks, but every year I read feedback from people who are just being extreme about it, and those people are the ones at issue here. I care about movies. But I don't care about most of THESE movies or the opinions of the people who picked them, and because of that I can say: The Oscars are bullshit.

The point is that I can say it over my shoulder and move on.

But then again, that's just an opinion from someone who's not you."

BE HAIRY ONE writes: "RE: E ME: What is the next trend you smell?

Omygawd, I hope the Kung Fu Western continues.Want to, no, got to see more Kung Fu movies: period.

RE: "smelly trends."
unfortunately more of the same;
TV remakes.
Teenage slasher/thriller.
Romantic "Chick Flick" Comedy's.
Over-hyped "Art Crap" (see your story 02/12/03)

Face it, the tail end of the Baby Boomer Generation has not made the most daring of decisions when it comes to what the Hollywood Studios have delivered unto us this past decade.

Even "independent cinema" has become Hollywoodized" ie. Sundance Film Festival."

And perhaps the most disturbing trend idea, which is disturbing because it rings of some truth, comes from ANON: "I think the reason Quaid got omitted was a disturbing trend -- Oscar doesn't want to nominate gay characters that don't end up beaten, dead or alone. However, Ed Harris got in for playing (badly) the suicidal AIDS-afflicted poet. In 1997, Greg Kinnear got in for As Good As It Gets and his character got off with merely a beating while Rupert Everett was snubbed for My Best Friend's Wedding for giving a non-flouncing portrayal of a man whose homosexuality was incidental. Here's a breakdown of nominated gay characters. Hoped I didn't miss anyone. I find this trend interesting and a little disturbing and I'm not even gay. Warn your readers of spoilers if they haven't seen any of these.

William Hurt (Kiss of the Spider Woman) -- falls for straight man, dies
Bruce Davison (Longtime Companion) -- lover dies, he dies
Tom Hanks (Philadelphia) -- dies
Ian McKellen (Gods and Monsters) -- dies
Kathy Bates(Primary Colors) -- dies
Hilary Swank (Boys Don't Cry) -- beaten, raped and killed
Javier Bardem (Before Night Falls) -- dies
Nicole Kidman (The Hours) -- dies
Ed Harris (The Hours) -- dies
Greg Kinnear (As Good As It Gets) -- beaten, lives
Julianne Moore (The Hours) -- almost commits suicide
Tommy Lee Jones (JFK) -- lives, but accused of assassinating a president
Jaye Davidson (Crying Game) -- lives, lover dies, falls for straight man
Peter Finch (Sunday Bloody Sunday) -- lives, loses lover
James Coco (Only When I Laugh) -- lives, but comically fey
Robert Preston (Victor/Victoria) -- lives, but comically fey "

(DAVID NOTE: The final pair on the list, perhaps the exceptions to the rule, were also notable as career-achievement type nominations, well deserved though they were.)

E ME: All of these subtle opinions have to inspire you, no?