July 18, 2003

There isn’t a whole lot to say about Bad Boys II, when you try to think about it.  BLAM!  BLAM!  Joke!  Joke!  BLAM!  CRASH!  BLAM!  Joke!  BLAM!  CRASH!  CRASH!  JOKE !  BLAM!

If you like that, you will LOVE Bad Boys II.  It has all the pieces that it seems to have.  It never pretends to have more than half a thought in its head.  The stunts are huge.  Will is funny and sexy.  Martin is funny and whiney.  Gabrielle Union looks great in a bikini. 

It’s kind of amazing how much big movies have “progressed” since the original Bad Boys, just eight years ago.  I remember when Bay’s first movie was a bit of a revelation.  Lots of smoke.  Big camera moves.  Extreme images.  Extreme violence.  And none of it is even on the same movie planet as Bad Boys II.

Bay is still story challenged.  But it is as though he took this movie and said, “Catch up with that, muthaf---ers!”  There’s nothing here quite as complex as The Matrix Reloaded or as technologically innovative as The Hulk or as entertaining as Finding Nemo.  But it is equally clear that no one really cares.  There are more bullets fired here than were used in the first week of the Iraq invasion.  There are more cars piled up than in The Blues Brothers.  There are more dead bodies than in 28 Days Later.  And there are laughs.

One thing you don’t have to worry about for even one second… any intellectual pretentiousness.   Or any pretentiousness.  Or any intellect.  Deal with it.

KILL BILL SQUARED:  If there is one thing that Quentin Tarantino is better at than anything, it is promoting his own mythology.  Kill Bill has now joined that mythology.  What really happened here?  We will never know. 

But here is the deal for Miramax.  They spend the money on releasing Kill Bill 1 and if they have a hit, they have a sequel close behind.  If it flops, they still have a second release, but spend almost nothing on P&A and still get the benefit of a huge audience for Tarantino in home entertainment.  They have maximized income and minimized risk.

And in all of this, risk is the key element that is only passingly mentioned in the various stories on this choice.  Kill Bill is the most expensive Tarantino film by a factor of no less than five and probably more like seven.  Jackie Brown was a $12 million film, intentionally kept inexpensive to relieve the pressure that one has to assume they were under that time out.  The $40 million domestic that Jackie Brown generated would not cover the cost of prints and advertising for Kill Bill. 

In order for Kill Bill to be profitable, even counting foreign box office and all the home entertainment and ancillaries, you’re probably looking at a minimum of $60 million domestic.  By creating a second legitimate DVD/Video opportunity Miramax has, even releasing a second film, probably reduced that number to about $40 million domestic between the two titles. 

Of course, there is also the theory that they love the movie so much that they feel that making this into two films will allow movie lovers to get the full Tarantino experience they deserve. 

OW!!!!  Just as I wrote that, a pig flew out of my ass.  Wonder what that means.

PUBLICITY BLONDE 2:  It occurred to me yesterday that the relationship of publicists and journalists in the film business is a lot like the relationship between the Sheep Dog and the Coyote in the great old Warner Bros. cartoon.  All day, we battle at our most intense to try to beat the other side.  And then, at 7 pm or so, we clock out… maybe even have a drink together.  We can always go back to fighting in the morning.

One more thing, while I am on the subject.  Have you noticed how many powerful, steely-eyed blonde babes there are at the top of marketing departments?  (And by “babes,” I mean intelligent, hard-working adult women whom you would also check out if you were sitting across a bar from them.)  If you are a woman and you want a lot of power in Hollywood, I am beginning to think that a bit of bleach and perhaps a change of name to “Terry” could be key.   But seriously…

If entertainment writers and film critics (non-TV division) were abandoned as a group on an island, there would not be enough women to propagate the species.  And given the neurosis level, we would devolve into a Lord of the Flies scenario within about three days.  Throw another critic on the bar-b, mate!!!

THE LANGUAGE OF FILM:  I will write more about this next week, but in the midst of a painful screening, I started thinking about whether I was being too rough of the movie.  It suddenly occurred to me that while every director brings his or her own voice to the table, a voice that could go virtually anywhere, there is a language to film that is inviolate. 

Most people do not “read” a film the way I, or other film writers, might.  But they know.  They know it in their bones.  They can’t give voice to it, but they know. 

WEEKEND GUESSTIMATES

Bad Boys II - 3186 venues – off percent - $43 million
Pirates of the Caribbean - 3359 venues – off 36 percent - $29.8 million
Johnny English - 2236 venues – off percent - $12.7 million
How to Deal - 2319 venues – off percent - $9.3 million
The League - 3002 venues – off 62 percent - $8.8 million
Terminator 3 - 3404 venues – off 59 percent - $8 million
Legally Blonde 2 - 3205 venues – off 48 percent - $6.3 million
Finding Nemo - 2480 venues – off 30 percent - $5.9 million
CA: Full Throttle - 2261 venues – off 56 percent - $3.1 million
28 Days Later - 1310 venues – off 35 percent - $2.8 million

READER OF THE DAY:  NO ONE writes:   “First time, long time.  I am curious about you thoughts on "The Passion" trailer that just hit the web.  I found it to be riveting, for a trailer anyway.  It appears to be more Braveheart then Last Temptation.  What did you think? 

PS - I am not a Jesus freak, I just think that Mel might pull something off here.  Anything made with that much love and desire has to be worth something.  Plus, I believe the subject matter is just to sensitive for him to screw up. 

E ME:  I think it is a powerful tease.  I, for one, am very interested in the film, regardless of what its politics turn out to be.  Art is not always meant to be comfortable.  And The Passion will certainly not be that.  Tell me about your weekend to come…

The Matrix Reloaded. Reloaded.
Read Part One
Read Part Two