August 8, 2003

For the second time this week, a 1970s retro film hits the theater and for a second time, I don’t have much to say about it.

I enjoyed S.W.A.T., but it isn’t much more than a sillier, louder, glorified episode of Homicide: Life on the Street. The focus here is on a different group of cops, but to its credit, it spends time with its characters before jumping into loud, pseudo-realistic action.

MORE S.W.A.T.: The thing is, I enjoyed the movie. It is not challenging in any way. Its set pieces are bit over long. The casting of the secondary characters is as bland and forgettable as the casting of the four main SWATers and the villain is inspired. I did enjoy the range of cameos from former Homiciders, including by the director himself, who looks a lot more svelte when not wearing that raincoat and hat that were a Meldrick signature for years.

S.W.A.T. is an interesting studio conundrum. Because it is the kind of movie that should be sequelized. The core group of Farrell, Jackson, Rodriguez and Cool J are among the most likeable ensembles ever put on film. I want to hang out with all four of those people. That, of course, is a television impulse. But this is part of the evolution of film these days.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle found the limit of how much people would spend to hang out with three hot, sexually available (on screen) women. But Full Throttle on a $70 million budget with one-quarter of the hyperactive production, would have been a cash cow for Sony. Forget about how much I hated that movie and that I like S.W.A.T. They are, in this way, the same.

S.W.A.T. 2: Nuclear Threat, The Hulk Vs. America, and Charlie’s Angels: Angels In Training should all be made… cheap. Don’t let the press set your slate. There is a lot of money – and some better movies – in these franchises. But make them cheap and everyone wins.

THE SEGUE: Interestingly, Thursday’s orgy of self-examination by Joe Roth and, even more compellingly to me, Amy Pascal, seems to be moving to just that understanding. Roth proclaimed that Revolution Studios would start focusing on a slate averaging $40 million per picture immediately. For her part, Pascal acknowledged Columbia’s summer, "We're not in the business to spend that kind of money for these kind of returns."

The business of this business is at a cul de sac. The marketing machines are, generally, nearly perfect machines. The reason that Gigli is being set up as legend, and the far worse-off Pluto Nash is forgotten, is that not everything can be controlled and this movie became more than just a movie. It was beyond the reach of the marketers.

The only move that could have been made would have required a willingness on Jeff Blake’s part to put his neck and his balls on the chopping block in an effort to squeeze a few more dollars out of this thing by breaking all the rules. (For instance, a day & date theatrical/video/PPV release that I believe could have become a real one-weekend sensation that would add an extra $25 million to the bottom line, even if it meant going “wide” on just 1000 or 1500 screens.) But I wouldn’t even begin to argue that he should have made that choice. Decisions made in haste are quite often wrong – especially in marketing – and hindsight is, as they say, 20/20. (I’d say 20/80 at best… especially in this era of crappy film journalism.)

Anyway, the cul de sac means that the only way to move forward is to go back. Marketing is operating at full steam. Home Entertainment is nearing its generational apex. International markets continue to grow in value. And ticket prices are being raised to – and past – the max. The only way to make an increase in profits is to make cheaper movies that still allow the apparatus to do its thing.

Why S.W.A.T. fell apart with Marcus Nispel exactly, I don’t know. But I do know that Clark Johnson was a cheap, quality substitute and that this movie is going to make money. Nispel would have made a better movie, I imagine. But Clark Johnson was a good back-up decision. And Nispel, teamed up with the greatest movie spendthrift of his era, Michael Bay, is going to have a huge, relatively cheap hit at New Line this fall with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Win/win.

MEANWHILE AT WB: Mark Gill is setting up Warner Independent Films with the rather ambitious notion of producing 7 films of no more than $25 million each and picking up another 3 films for distribution each year. Sounds like Joe Roth’s idea of Revolution without the movie stars. Sounds like New Line. Sounds like trying to launch today’s Fox Searchlight (which is cheaper than W.I.F. seems to intend to be) from a handful of dust.

Part of me is very happy to see WB and Gill making a run at this and financing it this aggressively. The other part of me is quite concerned that with Focus’ few production budgets (2 this year) in the $30 million range and Searchlight more of a $15 million shop, the addition of Gill with a pocketful of cash is going to make this class of indies more inflated to take full advantage of the cash that’s on the table.

Could Bill Condon find a way to spend another $8 million on Kinsey? You betcha! But is the budget the aesthetic? Is Bill’s film going to be improved by the invention that will come out of a nice, but limited budget? And if he had another chunk of money, would there still be things that they couldn’t afford to do?

In any case, I am happy that there is a focus on the lower budgets ranges. I’m glad that Mark Gill has a shingle of his own. And we should know what it all means sometime next spring.

GO FISH: As expected, Big Fish found a place on the fall schedule for Columbia and will try to pull in all the fish… box office, prestige and Oscar. I don’t really think there is a “good slot” for a movie in November/December this year… the Oscar bloodbath starts a month early this year. But it is interesting that Big Fish is coming out on the same day as Fox Searchlight’s Oscar contender, In America.

GE… NO GE/UNIVERSAL: The heat is building behind a Vivendi merger with GE, mixing the NBC TV network and the Universal entertainment assets. Why? Because no one is willing to spend the money that Vivendi wants for the damned thing.

The good news in a merger is that the Universal film team will probably stay in place. The bad news is that GE will suck Vivendi’s testicles up through their throats in a business acumen overmatch that will surely become legend.

OUR FRIEND MR. FRIEDMAN: A few months back, it seems that Roger Friedman of the very legitimate FOXNews.com decided that he knew something about the box office. After all, it must be something even a moron could do, since it is now in every paper across America. And if the shoe fit…

For some mysterious reason, Friedman’s dander got up about a Diane Sawyer puff interview in which she interviewed Kevin Costner and mentioned Waterworld. Costner said, “It made a lot of money.” It did not. But it was profitable by way of the ancillary markets. Not by much. But it got there. No one who actually follows the ebb and flow of dollars in this business disputes this.

But poor F-man just can’t help but poke himself in the eye by cobbling together box office data from a wide array of sources that were not tracking box office back then or have notoriously incomplete data. Why? Because he wants to. If you want to understand how Friedman works as a “journalist,” you have your answer right here, in this minor work. Oddly, he seems to quite skilled and quite connected as a music journalist. That is the beat he knows. The movie beat? He’s a party whore with delusions of grandeur.

For the record, Waterworld did about $270 million worldwide at the box office. And if Friedman is going to make fun of the rest of the world for their tastes in movies (“The United States, where it was made and where we live…”), he better get ready to mock many movies that he loves that did better overseas. Diane Sawyer’s figure of $350 million worldwide obviously includes ancillaries, which were far less significant then (video) than they are now (DVD). The cost of marketing was far less as well.

Waterworld was a disaster on a lot of levels. But the story that was hyped by the press, which is what Friedman must remember and be spewing over, was not the story that ended up coming to pass. Typically, the entertainment media shuts up and, eventually, pretends that they knew all along. Costner’s “recovery” never happened, as The Postman really did lose a bundle, charming movies like Tin Cup were not enough for writers, and he’s made bad, albeit less significant, missteps since. His biggest sin has been vanity and his biggest mistake has been passing on opportunities to work with the best directors because of that vanity.

But sitting around trying to crucify him with Waterworld again? … sometimes, being is this part of the business is truly horrifying.

THB MEMORY: Published Dec, 1997 – Whining was the art form of choice over the weekend. Kevin Costner was unhappy with press junket critics' reaction to The Postman, his new writer/director/star turn. The reaction? Laughter. "That's horrible!" squealed Kevin, "You guys (the media) keep spinning that way, and it's wrong. You were wrong about Dances (With Wolves), you were wrong about Waterworld, and you're wrong about this movie! It's too bad that's how it keeps going; that really pisses me off."

WEEKEND PREVIEW

There’s not much mystery here. Disney got Freaky Friday off to a good start, but the secret for this film is that it will probably play strong for at least seven weeks. S.W.A.T. will open stronger, but not be as leggy.

Is summer over yet?

WEEKEND GUESSTIMATES
S.W.A.T. - 3202 venues – new - $32 million
American Wedding - 3174 venues – off 44 percent - $20.2 million
Freaky Friday - 2954 venues – n/a - $17 million
Pirates of the Caribbean - 3170 venues – off 33 percent - $15.4 million
Seabiscuit - 2428 venues – off 28 percent - $14.2 million
Spy Kids 3D - 3388 venues – off 42 percent - $12.6 million
Lara Croft Tomb Raider 2 - 3036 venues – off 48 percent - $6.9 million
Bad Boys II - 2449 venues – off 52 percent - $6.1 million
Finding Nemo - 1502 venues – off 29 percent - $3.7 million
Terminator 3 – 1275 venues – off 46 percent - $1.9 million

READER OF THE DAY: CHILLY SCENES OF HIM writes: “I’m really getting sick of this Passion controversy. It’s becoming idiotic.

Whether the Jews killed Jesus or the Romans did, doesn’t matter. Doesn’t anyone realize that Jesus HAD to die? If Jesus was not crucified, there would be no Christianity, no Church, Nothing. That’s precisely why Easter is the most important Christian holiday (rather than Christmas). Simply because if Christ didn’t rise from the grave, he would have just gone down in history as another preacher of the time.

His death is so necessary, and so important to the evolution of the Church. In fact, it’s precisely why it exists.

If you’re a Christian, then you certainly believe that the Jewish people ordered the crucifixion of Jesus. It’s in the Bible, and if you buy into it, then I guess it’s a fact. By that same token, a Christian would then acknowledge that Jesus himself was Jewish and that his crucifixion was all part of God’s plan. Please, if you believe in a God, could you believe that He would allow the savior to be senselessly killed? The whole notion is ridiculous.

This whole “Jews killed Jesus” thing is so stupid, it’s the kind of uneducated shit you would hear in the Middle Ages. And the fear of anti-Semitism stemming from this is only bring the stupidity to light.

No more, we’re all above this.

P.S. I’m a lapsed Christian and don’t even believe any of this stuff, but whatever.”

E ME: The Weekend Is Here!!!! Oh JOY! Executives on vacation!!! How about you?

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