August 14, 2003

I was fascinated by Nikki Finke’s L.A. Weekly column this week on Arnold Schwarzenegger and how his run for the governorship of California is not only good for Democrats, but also a really important turn of event for the Dems in the next real elections.

BZZZT! Wrong!

Nikki and I have had our differences over the years, but this isn’t really about Nikki’s reportage. The idea is interesting… that Arnold raises the bar for Hollywood voices and, therefore, the predominantly left-wing group of celebrity activists out here will have to be taken more seriously by the right-wing Arnold supporters out there. (Please do read the piece yourself right here)

The key paragraph, to me, is: “Even Fox News Channel and its clone MSNBC can’t miss the obvious hypocrisy of, on the one hand, discouraging Americans from listening to the political views of the steroid-salaried entertainment elite and, on the other, urging Californians to hang on every public-policy word Schwarzenegger has yet to utter.”

And my answer is, “Whad you talkin’ about, Nikki?”

(Back to politics in a second, but the invoking of Candidate Coleman - which amazingly, I didn’t even think about when I wrote that sentence - reminded me to send you to a key piece of evidence in my argument that Nikki’s analysis is a bit generous to the intelligence populi. Click here for the latest fourth wall break.)

For anyone to convince themselves that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s candidacy has anything to his politics is to look a gift bodybuilder-turned-actor in the steroid-shriveled scrotum. Fox News Channel and even its clone MSNBC are completely capable of compartmentalizing. So why isn’t Nikki & Co?

Hollywood and, it seems, the current left just refuse to understand what the marketing community of Hollywood has to understand every time they go out to sell a movie. You need to get traction and it doesn’t really matter what the movie you're selling really is. Of course, you're going to get a huge backlash in the second weekend if you are selling a period drama as a wacky sex comedy. But in reality, people have clearer, stronger reactions to movies than they do to their politicians.

It is a bottom line world. Are my taxes going to get higher? What kind of education are my kids getting? Do I have a job?

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s gubernatorial candidacy is classic Hollywood. He is a huge star. Instant traction. There will be no test screenings for Ain’t It Political News to run reviews from. There will be no explaining the storyline in 30-second spots. The “movie,” however complex in real life, is going to stay right inside the lines that people connect to, no matter how many politicos try to drag it into something more difficult to sell. Think “Bruce Almighty.” The same three or four gags ran for two months before the film was released. A strong premise and a major comedy star and those four gags were enough to make it a massive hit.

I will go farther…a little too far, I am sure. My social politics are in line with the left. So I would be happy to support the Democrats and the effort to get a Democrat in the land’s highest office (President of the United States, not studio chief). But I fear that the thinking in Nikki’s article, which is very much the norm among the intelligentsia of the left, will guarantee failure in my opinion.

Democrats have convinced themselves that they can sell hypocrisy, as in “George W lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction, which is worse than Clinton lying about sex.” They will never get traction on that sell. If people don’t like us being in the Middle East when election time rolls around, they will vote against that. That, in my opinion, is the sell. “What are we still doing in Baghdad?” “Why can’t we help a government get established and leave already?” “Your kids are being killed every day for no reason.” Selling payback for Clinton – who survived the impeachment effort and was given the best excuse ever for the failures and limitations of his administration – will never get traction. If it didn’t get Gore elected, it ain’t pushing Bush out.

And you can hear the murmurs about Ahnuld Da Sexinator already. Another loser. Not meaning to tweak anyone’s nose, but the minute Arnold wags his finger and says, “I have not had sex with any woman other than my wife since we’ve been married,” and Maria Shriver goes out and talks about “a vast feminist conspiracy,” you’ve got him! You can’t tell people to believe someone is a hypocrite. They have to feel it on their own. And when you try to sell it to them, they have a bad tendency to retrench rather than buy in.

Here’s the news flash… Arnold’s candidacy is not going to get Martin Sheen a seat on The Tonight Show to talk about what’s wrong in Iraq. And no matter how horrifying it is, the success of Fox News is that there are a lot of people who are conservative in this country and the lefties out there love to watch TV they can really hate. Bill O’Reilly is irrelevant when it comes to actual votes. Rush Limbaugh has never elected anyone. Does it feel like watching a televised Klan rally to lefties? I guess so. But it’s not. Anymore than watching the anti-Iraq War March on Sunset was a glimpse into a bunch of people who hate their country.

Stop splitting hairs. Figure out a story that can actually get traction. And sell it, my friends. Sell it until you get tired of selling it. Then sell it some more.

It is unlikely to stop Arnold Schwarzenegger from becoming governor. You don’t have enough time. He would have to confess to killing Nicole Brown… and even then…

But if you are serious about getting Bush out and trying to save seats on the Supreme Court… stop backbiting and sell, darn ya, sell!

READER OF THE DAY: THE LOVER writes “I thought it was absolutely wonderful that you listed Johnny Depp as a possible contender for the fifth slot in the best actor race. His performance is the most talked about performance of the year and deservedly so. I think it's high time the Academy really starts to honor the comedy aspect of acting which is just as challenging as the drama. Here's hoping that your prediction is right and Johnny Depp finally gets his first nomination for a role nobody could have imagined would have be so great.”

E ME: If you need prompting on this one…

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