November 26, 2003

Every year, “they” talk about the severe competition at the end of the year. And this year, the competition seems more intense than ever.

What is the worst movie of the year, Disney’s The Haunted Mansion or Timeline?

I know. It’s a tough choice. And I haven’t even seen Timeline. But after watching Disney’s The Haunted Mansion, I questioned two critics I respect and they tell me that that Timeline is significantly worse. But Mansion was really quite bad enough for me.

Here’s the premise… if you are worrying about spoilers on this one, you may need to find another column… a closeted, racist butler kills a women to prevent the “master” he is clearly in love with (likely a slave owner) from committing an act of miscegenation in the Louisiana of the late 1800s. The master kills himself after he thinks the young woman he was to marry killed herself. But the butler faked the suicide note. Thus, the house remains haunted. But to current day… a really wide-eyed real estate salesman steps in to fetch it for the sale of the mansion. As it turns out, his wife is a dead ringer for the dead finance. On top of that, there are two children, one with Eddie’s personality and bulging eyes and the other without. As if to add injury to insult, the dead house staff includes 60-year-old Wallace Shawn, who gets a 37-year-old girlfriend/sidekick. Yes, now even Wally Shawn is being hooked up with a woman 23 years his junior in a major motion picture.

In some ways, Disney’s The Haunted Mansion is analogous to Dr. Seuss’ The Cat In The Hat. Both films are brand extensions. And both films seem content to throw out the script and to have the child-friendly movie star overact to hilarious results. Ha ha. There is even the use of the phrase “big ass” in this Disney film.

The difference is that the director is only pretending to know how to make a feature film. He directs live features as though he was still doing animated features. The production design is always strong. But none of his three films have really felt like a real movie.

Disney’s The Haunted Mansion is exactly the movie that everyone feared that Pirates of the Caribbean would be. There is almost nothing to the thing other than the concept of the park ride. There is no great performance. There is no breakthrough talent. There is no sense of real fun. All there is to watch is Eddie Murphy, Jennifer Tilly’s floating head and the amazing gift of Terrance Stamp’s painfully serious façade.

Still, even with those talented people and a load more behind the scenes, there is not a single redeeming feature to this movie. Not one.

On the other hand, Bad Santa is a very strong “middle film” for Terry Zwigoff. For all the talk about the changes made to the end of this movie, the film drips with Zwigoff’s now signature tonal sensibility. Zwigoff’s two-narrative-feature career reminds me of early Barry Sonnenfeld, not in style or skill, but in the blurry question about whether this voice was legitimately his. Ironically, Sonnenfeld helped shape the early career of the Coen Bros., who he D.P.ed for, but carried the question of whether he had been influenced by the Coens. (The answer is probably somewhere in between.) As it turns out, the the Coens are exec producers of Bad Santa.

It is a raunchy, foul-mouthed, bad-attitude movie. Everything they say in the TV spots is true. It’s not the best film of the year. But it is a lot of horrible fun. Billy Bob offers letter perfect deadpan. Tony Cox has got to be the frontrunner for Elf 2: Freddy Meets Elf. It’s great to see Lauren Graham out-Todd-Solondz Todd Solondz with Santa’s candy cane. John Ritter plays an out-of-character role and does it to a “T.” And Bernie Mac, who looks a bit like he is on vacation, also gets to let his darker soul fly in this one.

The funny thing is that the movie continues to be about mood, even though the broadness of the bad Santa joke always threatens to turn this into a broad comedy. At the heart of this film is a character you really don’t see in the ads, The Kid, played by Brett Kelly (who has played “kid” in three of his five IMDb credits). The Kid is like the younger brother of Enid or Rebecca from Ghost World… a kid from the Sidewinder… the center of a Ghost World sequel.

It is The Kid's relationship with Willie T. Soke aka Bad Santa that drives the movie. And there is more than just storytelling going on there. As an audience member, you really don’t know where these two are taking one another. And isn’t that refreshing?

I can’t really say this a a great movie, though I imagine I will have a hard time turning it off when it starts popping up on cable TV next year. But if you liked South Park: Longer, Bigger & Uncut and Ghost World, you will definitely enjoy yourself at this one. I may even go see it again this weekend…

TWO MORE: Two of my favorite films of the year are also opening this week. The Missing is a solid genre movie that goes to a whole new level thanks to powerful performances by the leads and the supporting cast.

In America has a special place in my heart. After five screenings, I can’t wait to see it again. To be completely honest, just thinking of some of the moments in the movie makes my heart beat a little differently. You will cry. But you will also laugh. And most of you will love In America.

ONE MORE: About The Matrix Revolutions… I’m just not finding myself having much to say about it. I think I need to go see it again and make a run at it. In an odd way, I feel like I wrote everything I needed to in my pre-release non-reviews. I don’t think there is a lot to deconstruct. We know about the performances. And while I appreciate the daily interest on when I am finally going to write my damned review, I don’t find myself looking for the fighting or feedback that I received after Reloaded. Perhaps I will get to the theater over the weekend and get riled up. Sorry if I’m leaving some of you wanting.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: I heard entertainment guru George Pennacchio talking about a $40 million 5-day for The Haunted Mansion on Channel 7, the Disney-owned ABC affiliate here in L.A. And I have to say… that is not an overly hopeful number. Last year, Harry Potter did $45 million… in its third weekend... and Bond did about the same in its second weekend. That said, it will do a lot better than Treasure Planet, last year’s best Thanksgiving week opener.

More on the box office on MCN over the weekend.

E ME: Thanksgiving column tomorrow, along with a new Oscar column at MCN and then I will see you on Monday. Please let me know how you are doing in your movie pursuits as the weekend progresses. And watch that tryptophan!