December 24, 2003

THE NIGHT BEFORE OPENING
(A Visit From Reality)

'Twas the night before op’ning, when all through the ‘Max
Not a creature was comfy, especially the flacks.

The movie was made by Minghella with care,
In hopes that 9 Oscar nods soon would be there.

At New Line, they were quarter billion ahead,
While visions of Harvey’s cruel tricks screwed their heads.

And Sony mourned Missing, and Fish was on tap,
And Julia’s wide smile could not save Mona’s crap.

When out in the trades there arose such a clatter,
Biscuit’s 2000th ad, Bart’s account just got fatter

His nose to the window Penn flew like a flash,
The statue looked real good, just forget his Nic bash.
The Bacon, The Fish and the Robbins did know
Clint could carry them all and not look the ho.

When what to my punditing eyes should appear,
But a pock-marked old comic and a blonde teenaged rear.
With a tiny director, in Japan not Korea,
The buzz of the year belonged to Miss Sofia.

More rapid than eagles the hopefuls they came,
And we whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now, Master! now, Commander! now, House, Fog and Sand!
On, In Am-mer-i-ca! On, Samurai’s Last stand!
To the top of predictions! To the screening rooms all!
Now pitch away! Pitch away! Pitch away all!"

As at-tacks on Jack Va-len-ti, they did fly,
When you meet with an obstacle, “Litigate, guy!”
So up to the front doors, the screeners they flew,
Not as good as the big screen, you would have to say too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof.
A Ben Affleck movie… his paycheck no goof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Reality came with a bound.

It was covered in fur, from its head to its foot,
And its clarity tarnished with hype and with soot.
A bag full of coal it had flung on his back,
Just as scary as Theron as Wournos on crack.

Its eyes -- how they squinted! Its numbers how scary!
Its claws were like razors, all answers… no query!
Its droll little mouth was drawn up in a scowl,
And it shared Bad Santa’s odd preference for bowels.

The awards budgets it held oh so tight in his teeth,
And the excesses encircled his head like a wreath.
He had Dolgen’s face and a Wenstein-esque belly,
That shook, when he moaned, “All the money’s in telly.”

Reality laughed, when it talked about Elf,
How it greenlit Loo-ney Tunes, in spite of itself.
A wink of its eye and a twist of its head,
Soon gave me to know, the it just wanted bread.

It spoke not a word, pissed at this season’s work,
Reality sucks large; off Hollywood jerks,
And laying its finger aside of its nose,
The middle one stuck up, so this business goes.

It sprang to its sleigh, “Birdie Num Num,” it whistled,
And “Thister Thuthy Thitting On Fat Thuckin’ Thiistle”
And it loudly exclaimed, ere it drove right away,

"Chase your silly awards; I’ll be back here in May!"

READER OF THE DAY: THE OTHER McG writes: “Let me say it three times, thank you, thank you, thank you. In America is a movie I probably wouldn't have seen if it weren't for your endless praise of it.

Usually stories about coming to America to live out the dream don't really interest me. Jim Sheridan's wonderful little movie is so different. I can't put my finger on how or why it's different, but there is something truly special about the film.

There were several moments during the movie that made me well up, others that were so moving that tears just started dripping down my face without my realizing it, and then, when it was all over, I was already pretty teary, then the credits began rolling and I just started bawling. Maybe it was the last thing that little Christy said, but I don't think so, I certainly was letting the tears flow from her beautiful final words, but that is not what made me unleash like I did....at least I think not.

I think the experience as a whole just moved me so deeply that some of the sadness burrowed deep in my system that I didn't properly deal with was finally being released, much like Johnny's repressed feelings about Frankie's death (how corny is that? It is so true though!).

I want to thank Jim Sheridan personally, in person, and give him a great big hug. I want to thank you for urging me to see the film, hell you deserve a hug as well. In America gives every person who sees it a hug, doesn't it? I came out thinking about sharing this experience and this film with my future wife, with our future children, with our future grandchildren, with the world.

Let's hope In America receives the recognition it deserves, but whether or not it does, I'm sure it will touch everybody who sees it, and it will be passed down to future generations... It is a truly timeless film.

E ME: Watch a tape if you must… but go to the movies… see a movie I like… see a movie I hate… but see a movie, in a theater, on a big screen… join a family of a few hundred for a few hours… love movies… when you find the right one, it starts the discussion of our lives… merry, happy, love…

Thursday, December 25 - @MCN – 20 Weeks To Oscar: 10 Weeks To Go
Monday, December 29 - Ten Movies That You Didn’t See... But Should Have
Tuesday, December 30 - The Ten Worst Films Of 2002
Wednesday, December 31 - The Best Films Of 2002
Thursday, January 1 – New Year’s Resolutions
Thursday, January 1 – @MCN – 20 Weeks To Oscar, 9 Weeks To Go
Monday, January 5 – THB Returns To The Daily Schedule

MCN will be updated daily through the holidays.