April 27, 2005

It's been said that if you under 30 and aren't a Democrat, you have no heart and that if you are over 30 and aren't a Republican, you have no brain.

It's not true, but I'll steal the notion anyway...

If you are a movie lover and you don't find xXx: State of The Union hysterically, joyously funny, you have no heart and if you are a movie lover and you don't find xXx: State of the Union an absurd piece of shit, you have no brain.

So many truly bizarre ideas about making a sequel are thrown at you watching this movie. The first thing that hit me was that Sam Jackson was actually going to be in this movie, unlike the first. Then they start into the 48 Hrs. vibe, but that goes away quickly. Then I suddenly realized that the influencer was 2 Fast 2 Furious, which was an interesting choice.

Back when 2 Fast arrived and did $127 million domestic, it wasn't clear that the film would do well overseas. Few black films do. But while the sequel did $17 million less than the original in America, it ended up grossing almost $50 million more than the original overseas, against all predictions.

But while Revolution Studios was clearly aware of this when they greenlit an Ice Cube led sequel, they didn't do much to protect their position. And I find those choices fascinating. Instead of a caramel colored racial equivocation like Eva Mendes, who is not only gorgeous but can draw a lot of magazine covers, they went for Nona Gaye. Gaye is gorgeous (actually, I think she looks better in life than she did in this film), but unlike the Wachowskis, Lee Tamahori did nothing to disguise her all-Sir-Mix-A-Lot rear view.

Between the Jackson/Cube buddy stuff and the seriously dark diva, xXx2 was quickly turning into the first ever CG new-era purebred blaxsploitation movie. Even Scott Speedman as the white meat is so insignificant, both as a character and as a box office draw, that it fits that genre structure.

And I have to say, I was laughing and giggling through this thing from start to finish. By the third act, they just throw away any semblance of logic or reality and go to the same deep end that the original xXx did. In the first act, there were extreme stunts and there were shots that felt like they were missing here and there. But the flaws were forgivable. By the end, there was no real skill on exhibit in the actions sequences and that was too bad. Everyone seems to forget that it doesn't have to be the biggest sequence, but one that audiences can relate to, no matter what the size.

And that brings me to my primary complaint about the film. For a movie that is so relentlessly over the top and silly, built around the earnestness of Ice Cube and Sam Jackson and a tight-assed Willem Dafoe, it often missed the chance to really let it rip. For instance ...

Peter Strauss plays The President in a near-Bush performance... why not let that rip and have some fun with it? It's not like the movie is truthfully patriotic.

Apparently, Michael Roof was a geeky white genius in the first xXx and he returns here... boring!!! If you're going to put someone up against Ice Cube and the joke is that he is an irritatingly white guy - with the notion that you're not playing it too straight - you need to have a really irritating white guy. Andy Dick and Ice Cube... think about it for a second... Ice Cube has already punched Dick twice in your mind already, right? Pull back a little and you're still looking at Steve Zahn. Or you could go genius and hire Neil Patrick Harris, who has been gloriously goofy pushing the Doogie Howser envelope in films. I'm sure Michael Roof is a good actor, but his personality just isn't strong enough to steal scenes and that's what the role calls for.

Sunny Mabrey as The Blonde is gorgeous, but her appearance in a second Revolution Studios film can only be attributed to someone's personal obsession with her. She lights up when she smiles, but has no on-camera personality once she opens her mouth. Her boobs are pushed up into her neck to such an extreme that they should be getting an extra check for stunt work. And when she offers herself up sexually, it's not really that surprising that the character being offered the opportunity is not exactly champing at the bit. This is, kind of, a classic Bond girl role. And it reminds you of just how great the Bond Girls have been. Someone like Anne Hathaway or Emmy Rossum or Radha Mitchell or Selma Blair or any of a number of likeable actresses who can do "innocent sexy" would have been better.

A couple of the action sequences are so extreme that they were really only worth doing if they actually made sense. A tank battle in the hull of a transport ship is a really cool idea. So is a train chase.... though it seems like Hollywood is insanely obsessed with in-city out-of-control train sequences lately. (I just saw yet another one in the new trailer for Batman Begins.) I don't want to ruin it for you, but there is a sequence inside the train sequence in which a completely absurd stunt/effect takes place. But I laughed my ass off. It was so brazenly wrong that it was wonderful for me. But the helicopter stunt (no longer a stunt at all thanks to CG) a few minutes later left me cold. Do it right or don't do it. The TV spots will be just as exciting without that one shot too many.

Anyway... this movie is going to get slaughtered by critics. But I would far prefer to watch this film again than something as by-the-book and endlessly inoffensive as Sahara or even the original xXx, which was in some ways more reasonable - even with the avalanche ski chase - but was never audacious. It is often hard to tell when the filmmakers meant to cross into absurdity and when it is a mistake of tone. And if 10 moments in the film were improved by a notch, this could be one of the great B movies of all time.

But it's not.

Still, I had a better time watching this movie than I've had outside of a film festival in a long time. And it does have one of the greatest romantic lead lines of all time when Ice Cube describes a car to his romantic interest with a big smirk on his face.... "That's the second best ride I've ever had."

How can you resist?

E-ME: