Week Of June 26, 2006 - Mon / Wed / Fri

June 28, 2006

My intention was to do a more complete review of Superman Returns today - along with spoilers - as people have a chance to start seeing the movie. But after seeing the film again in IMAX, I don't have the energy.

I will say that IMAX is a superior way to see the film, though surprisingly, with the exception of space between Superman and the world he is flying over, the film doesn't particularly cotton to 3D. It wasn't shot for it. There are a few striking images, but I think I would have preferred the whole thing in IMAX without the 3D. Putting on and taking off the glasses was more distracting than inspiring.

My next idea was to do a Top Ten Favorite Things about the film and my Ten Least Liked Things about the film. But I am having a hard time coming up with 10 things that I consider special enough to discuss. And even many of those are qualified by the fact that they make no sense.

My primary experience of seeing Superman Returns again was boredom. I really had almost no interest in anything that happened. What little suspense existed was gone and there was not one inch of added depth or texture to be found in a second viewing. That is, except for the 3D parts.

Seeing the film again makes it clearer to me that Bryan Singer and writers Dan Harris and Michael Dougherty had zero interest in anything close to character continuity. They picked and chose and made scenes to their liking, many of which make no sense in the light of the movie history they seem to be trading on, the events of this whole movie… or even the next scene.

Still, as I write this, two Hot Blog regulars have already kicked in rave reviews. They loved the movie. And that is something I haven't found in many of even the positive reviews. So there is no question that there are going to be strong opinions in all directions.

In my party, the other adult had a good time, but made a lot of jokes at the film's expense as we left. And my 16-year-old nephew gave what seemed a perfect capsule review… "I had a good time, but I was pretty disappointed."

And now, some SPOILERS… really, all SPOILERS… so beware… or just GO AWAY until you see the movie.

Okay… now that we are alone…

The first massive issue I have is that the movie seems to pick and choose from the mythology of the first two Superman movies at will and changes the details whenever they feel the urge. Thing is, the movie makes little sense at all - unless we are to assume that Superman can doff the costume and fornicate with Ms. Lois Lane at will. In other words, the idea of Superman Returns as an extension of the first two films would have to be thrown out completely.

There are arguments - aside from what the filmmakers have said - that suggest just that. Kitty Kowalski's laugh line that Lex acts as if he has already been to the Fortress of Solitude met with silence in both screenings I've attended, as his knowledge of the Fortress, both location and operations, suggest that he has been there before. Yet there is no way for us to know if she should or should not know that. It could actually be ironic and suggest that he's never been there before. If so, other problems arise, like how he knows about the F.O.S. or how the toys work.

And the whole issue of Lois having had sex with Superman… it all makes much more sense if it wasn't the sex from Superman II, since her memory of that was erased and sex only occurred after he gave up his powers, which would suggest that his child shouldn't have powers. Moreover, even if you want to accept 23-year-old Kate Bosworth as mother of a 5-year-old/Pulitzer winner (she really looked like the babysitter - slightly more mature than Kirsten Stewart in Zathura - the second time around), the backstory using Superman II would require that Superman sleep with Lois, erase her memory, a few weeks after which she finds herself pregnant with no idea who the father is… Immaculate Conception, really. And again, given the endless Jesus stuff in this film, maybe that's the joke. But I can't imagine that they really meant it that way.

Soon after Superman's crash return to earth in a mystery spaceship (word has it that there is a Krypton exploration sequence headed to DVD that was cut for time), we get flashback, which includes the new, anti-original films conceit that Superman's powers came of age as he came of age, with a gag about him wearing glasses and then realizing he didn't need them after his first hover. This later becomes a parallel with his son. However, not only isn't it in Superman, but baby Supes lifts a car up as a toddler.

To be fair, on the issue of Superson not performing any more acts of superpower after throwing the piano, the movie does more to deal with it than I recall from the first viewing. Lois does seem to want to egg him on to pull the door off the hinges. Still, when their lives are clearly threatened a second time, there is no good explanation for why Superbastard doesn't get busy.

(Main Entry: 1bas·tard
Pronunciation: 'bas-t&rd
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French, probably of Germanic origin; akin to Old Frisian bost marriage, Old English bindan to bind
1 : an illegitimate child)

Many people have brought up the idea that no one notices that Superman and Clark Kent return in the same few days. That, I was willing to give a pass to. It's a superhero movie and the secret identity thing is what it is. I am less sanguine about the two suggestions in the film that someone is close to guessing at the truth and that stops in their tracks. If you are really considering Clark's height and weight in comparison to Superman, the guesser is a moron if the glasses still work, no matter how dorky Clark acts. (In this version, he should probably have been played as a perceived religious freak instead of a geek… given that he is not only a Jesus substitute, but actually gets resurrected twice in the film.)

There are a few other rather aggravating disconnects without relationship to the first two films.

Why does criminal mastermind Lex Luthor need to engage in unspoken sex acts to gain freedom and power? Why not just hire Mark Harris (Martha Raye's deathbed husband) to play Lex Luthor?

Thing is, as always, there are ways of making that choice work. Luthor as a high drama/low comedy character would have been infinitely more interesting than what we had… which is a used car salesman with some serious pimp style.

I actually like the scene with the old lady and the dogs turned dog are funny. But there is an aftertaste to that, as with all things.

Next… when Luthor's island starts to rise, there seems to be some kind of earthquake in Metropolis. According to Luthor's map, his island is around our North Carolina, not the eastern seaboard. But regardless of that, where is the promised destruction to the rest of the coastline? And where is the flooding that was promised? And where are billions of people that Luther says will die?

Worst of all, how does the Daily Planet not only reestablish electrical power and computer connectivity a day later, but even has their TVs that fly off their moorings on the wall repositioned and working perfectly? This one seems like nit-picking even to me, but it is typical of so much of this movie. Scene by scene, some things work, and a scene or two away, their resonance is just thrown away.

Couldn't Singer & Co make up their mind about whether SuperBeatle has a connection with Superman and that's how they found him in the ocean or if he was just the only one looking out the window? Yes, he spots Supes, but as soon as he does and says something, the other two see him with little effort. Make a freakin' commitment to an idea!

Why is Superman in a hospital? Really, all they give him is a bed. It's just weird. And as lovely as the emotional beat when Ma Clark can't see her son, who is in the hospital under a different name (Superman), why doesn't Clark go visit mom the second he leaves the hospital? What kind of son is he?

Finally, I mentioned in my initial piece that there were a few things that actually offended me. There were three such things. One was Lois Lane being beaten by a henchman. I know that the film wants to raise the stakes to inspire Superbrat to throw the piano, but it was kinda ugly. Also ugly was the beating that Superman gets, which is more violent than the film seems willing to defend.

Finally, the dumping of "and the American Way" from "Truth, Justice, and…" really bugs me. I know that America is not well liked in the world right now. But this is friggin' Superman and he's wearing that suit and .. come on! I didn't mind the pandering to the international audience with Superman flying around the globe to help cats out of trees in Pakistan and to help the Frenchman whose head exploded from arrogance.

And that's all I have to say about Superman Returns… at least for now.

If you want in on the conversation, visit the Hot Blog, where it will surely rollick all weekend long.

E Me:

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