Well, we have a president-elect here in the U.S. of A. Finally. I lost interest in the whole thing about two weeks ago, when I began to realize that neither candidate would have the opportunity to effect real change once in office. Without a real mandate from the people, both would have to play things very close to the vest. The candidate I voted for wouldn’t be able to do the things he’d promised. And the candidate I didn’t vote for wouldn’t have enough public support to do the things I was afraid he might. And while this election wasn’t the prettiest in American history, there is a positive aspect that we shouldn’t forget. We got through it. Without resorting to civil war, violence, or bloodshed. And we will be seeing a long-overdue reform of our election process. (Who doesn’t want to own stock in the company that will be making computerized voting stations for 2004?) With all its flaws, democracy is still a beautiful thing.

Far more important than politics, at least in this forum, is the movie business. After a nearly e-mail free weekend, I was starting to worry that you had lost interest in the topic. Just my insecurity rearing its ugly head. But there was nothing to fear. Tuesday and Wednesday brought plenty of great letters. Paul D. starts us off with his review of Vertical Limit...

"I saw Vertical Limit over the weekend and I hated every single second of it. I was prepared to leave it at that until I read the positive review on Tuesday. Vertical Limit is easily one of the worst movies in a long time. For starters, Chris O’Donnell is the worst action hero in cinema history. He is absolutely pathetic in every scene. His delivery is stiff, and it looks like it caused him pain to try for believability. He failed. He is not convincing for one second. I’m sure he did no more than one or two stunts. The guy is a massive wimp. Then there is the rest of the cast. Robin Tunney is equally bad. Scott Glenn’s character generates unintentional laughs. And Bill Paxton plays a stereotypical villain. The script is beyond awful. The drama is horrible, contrived, and cheesy. There are about 10 endings. It just goes on and on. Very boring. And finally, everything looks fake. From the beginning to the end, nothing looked remotely real. Which makes sense, since most of the movie was shot in a studio against a green screen. But for $90 million, couldn’t they have done a little better? Vertical Limit is a terrible movie and everyone who thinks otherwise needs to see if their brain is still in their head. I’ll take Cliffhanger any day of the week." -- Paul Doro

Ouch. Anyone want to come to the defense of Chris O’Donnell? Now that Stallone and Schwarzenegger are losing their box-office appeal -- see returns for Get Carter and The Sixth Day -- who should step up and be the next big action hero? I’m voting for The Rock. He’s big. He’s brawny. He can do that thing with his eyebrow. Are you with me? Who’s your pick for the next man of action? Or should the next big action star be a woman? I vote for Michelle Yeoh. Hands down. No competition whatsoever.

Joe G. is up next, with his review of another recent flick. Dungeons & Dragons may have taken 10 years to get to the big screen, but it can be panned by both audience members and critics in less than 10 seconds...

"Some friends and I, all recovering gaming geeks, went to see Dungeons & Dragons this weekend. Okay, I wasn’t expecting much but, damn, was that bad. It’s one of those movies where 95 percent of the dialogue is exposition and it still makes no sense. The cast is appalling, including Jeremy Irons, but Thora Birch may have done serious damage to her career. I actually found myself wishing that the screenwriters had taken some sort of Syd Field course or something (I’m usually begging for relief there). Scene after scene just goes on forever. The high-water mark of the genre remains 1982’s The Sword and the Sorcerer (and that was pure schlock). "No harm done, really. I was sort of expecting it to be awful. What did tick me off was the seven -- count ’em, seven -- TV commercials I had to sit through before the previews started. I know the exhibitors are desperate for cash right now, but they don’t have my sympathy. This trend is incredibly short-sighted. It’s getting to the point where the theater chains are hard-pressed to compete with the sound and picture quality that folks can enjoy at home. They should be concentrating on making a night out at the movies something special. Being subjected to five or ten minutes of the shilling I have to sit through at home feels pretty cheap. Charge me the extra two bits if you have to, but get rid of the damn commercials. Yuck." -- Joe Greenia Chicago

I second that yuck, Joe. When I see a movie in the theater, I want movie popcorn, maybe some Sour Patch Kids, a big screen, great sound, and a handful of trailers. If I wanted commercials, I’d stay home and watch television. My other big pet peeve is going into a theater that has an aisle running down the middle. Isn’t that where the best seats should be? Aaaargh. Anyone else bothered by commercials or center aisles?

BDS also caught Dungeons & Dragons over the weekend, as well as the new trailer for Tomb Raider. Why D&D over Vertical Limit? He explains...

"I made it a point to avoid Vertical Limit. Why? I’m damned sick of the trailer with the guy screaming, "AVAAALAAAAANCHE!!!!!!" The first couple of dozen times were fine; then it gave me a headache. "That’s probably why I’ve avoided Billy Elliot until now. That insanely ubiquitous trailer with the woman at the end chirping "GO Billeeee!" makes me nauseous. "I caught Dungeons & Dragons over the weekend because I so loved the game when I was younger. Ugh. I think Harry Knowles called it ‘gloriously bad,’ and he’s right. Marlon Wayans really ticked me off, though. Enough already with the gay Stepin Fetchit routine, buddy. "The Tomb Raider trailer ran before the film. I wasn’t planning on seeing it, and I’ve never played the computer game. But after this trailer, I’ll be there opening weekend. It just looked like a helluva lot of fun. Angelina Jolie looks like she had a blast making it. I’m hoping it’ll give me the same kick I got from The Mummy, which wasn’t a great film but had a real sense of frivolity that made it fun for me. "Enough with the pretensions of Tom Cruise and the stodginess of Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you’re gonna make a popcorn action film, at least act like you’re having fun. And Ms. Jolie looks like she’s having fun in Tomb Raider." -- BDS

Asmo also caught the Tomb Raider trailer and suggests recasting the role of Lara Croft...

"I saw the seizure-inducing and thoroughly depressing Tomb Raider trailer last Saturday. Am I the only one who thinks Angelina Jolie is wrong for the part of English girl Lara Croft? How about Christian Bale in a wig? Now there is a movie I would look into." -- Asmo

And finally, Russell D. gives his two cents on Tomb Raider, and makes a recommendation for another film...

"I managed to see the Tomb Raider trailer this weekend, and all I was thinking was -- is Angelina Jolie’s voice dubbed? It simply did not fit her, in my opinion. But it seems like the movie is gonna be another Raiders of the Lost Ark knock-off, like The Mummy. Nevertheless, that did not stop me from buying a copy of The Mummy. So, like everyone else, I will be in line to see Ms. Jolie swing from ropes, empty clips, and kick a** next summer. "I’d also like to say that, of all the films I have managed to see this year, the only one that still resonates with me is Love and Basketball. I know that this film did not have crossover success, like other films where most of the cast are minorities, but I still think people should see this one. This film is storytelling at its best, so I urge people to go out and see it." -- Russell Dumornay

Love and Basketball is a terrific movie. The more I think about it, the more I think that it could even make my Top Ten list this year. This is one of the few movies I saw that left me truly satisfied, and so few do these days. It is a real shame that people so often dismiss a film because the leads are minorities. This film deals with subjects with which people of all races can identify. I’m with Russell. See this movie.

All right, folks. Lots of topics for discussion. Anyone want to defend Vertical Limit? Dungeons & Dragons? Who is your pick for the next big action star? What are your pet peeves about your local megaplex? Is there a film out there that folks might have missed that you’d like to recommend? Send me an e-mail, won’t you?

 

 

Send your submissions to civilianvoices@roughcut.com

No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Must be age 16 or older to submit a story. Stories will be edited for length and content by representatives of Roughcut. Not all stories will appear online. By submitting this story you agree that Roughcut has the perpetual right to use the submitted story, in any and all media, without limitation, as Roughcut may determine in its sole discretion. You also acknowledge that you will not receive any monetary compensation for the use, if any, of your story.